The Mother Of It All

<p>In this episode, Sarah and Miranda Rake kick things off with some Mariah Carey karaoke and a rundown of their favorite “laundry folding films.” Then journalist Courtney Martin joins to talk about the messy, tender, and often overwhelming realities of caring for aging parents while raising kids—the ultimate sandwich generation hustle. Courtney shares what it’s been like to relocate her whole family, the heartbreak and beauty of moving her dad into memory care, and how communal living and worker-owned elder care centers have shaped her journey. Grab a mug of tea, add another bag (Sarah’s jam), and settle in for a conversation that’s equal parts comfort and reality check.</p><p><strong>Other Links:</strong></p><p>* <a target="_blank" href="https://bookshop.org/a/111937/9780316428279"><em>Learning in Public: Lessons for a Racially Divided America from My Daughter’s School</em></a><em> </em>by Courtney Martin </p><p>* <a target="_blank" href="https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/what_our_intergenerational_household_taught_all_of_us_about_care"><em>What Our Intergenerational Household Taught All of Us About Care</em></a><em> </em>(Greater Good Science Center)</p><p>* <a target="_blank" href="https://www.sfchronicle.com/opinion/openforum/article/dementia-assisted-living-home-21075445.phphttps://www.sfchronicle.com/opinion/openforum/article/dementia-assisted-living-home-21075445.php"><em>Opinion: Whoever needs to hear this: It’s OK to put your loved one with dementia in residential care</em></a> (SF Chronicle)</p><p>* <a target="_blank" href="https://courtney.substack.com/t/elder-care">Elder Care (Courtney’s Substack)</a></p><p>* <a target="_blank" href="https://bookshop.org/a/111937/9781646220564"><em>On Vanishing: Mortality, Dementia, and What It Means to Disappear</em></a><em> </em>by Lynn Castiel Harper</p><p>* <a target="_blank" href="https://bookshop.org/a/111937/9780062906182"><em>Creative Care: A Revolutionary Approach to Dementia and Elder Care</em></a> by Anne Basting </p><p>* <a target="_blank" href="https://bookshop.org/a/111937/9780399590559"><em>Travelers to Unimaginable Lands: Dementia, Caregiving, and the Hidden Humanity of Memory</em></a> by Dasha Kiper </p><p>* <a target="_blank" href="https://thewiseunknown.com/">Wise Unknown Podcast</a> </p><p>* <a target="_blank" href="https://slate.com/podcasts/how-to">Slate’s How-To Podcast</a> </p><p>* <a target="_blank" href="https://open.substack.com/pub/courtney">the examined family</a> (Courtney’s Substack)</p><p>* <a target="_blank" href="https://bookshop.org/shop/motherofitall">Mother of It All Bookshop</a> (Bookshop.org)</p><p>* <a target="_blank" href="https://caringacross.org/">Caring Across Generations</a> (Ai-jen Poo)</p><p>* <a target="_blank" href="https://www.doulagivers.com/find-a-doula/">Doulagivers Elder Care Doula Directory</a> (Doulagivers: Find a Doula)</p><p>* <a target="_blank" href="https://www.cdf.coop/homecare-cooperative-initiative">Home Care Cooperatives</a></p><p>* <strong>Holiday Movies We Love (Or Don’t)</strong></p><p>* <a target="_blank" href="https://tv.apple.com/us/movie/mariah-careys-magical-christmas-special/umc.cmc.4dmcdxw4vbu5smkk8f44a1l3h">Mariah Carey’s Christmas Specials </a></p><p>* <a target="_blank" href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt28237077/"><em>A Merry Scottish Christmas </em></a></p><p>* <a target="_blank" href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt34992378/"><em>A Merry Little Ex-mas </em></a></p><p>* <em>White Christmas </em></p><p>* <em>Christmas in Connecticut </em></p><p>* <em>Desk Set</em></p><p>* <a target="_blank" href="https://www.netflix.com/title/80042368"><em>A Very Murray Christmas</em></a> (Netflix)</p><p>* <em>Freakier Friday</em></p><p>* Sarah’s <a target="_blank" href="https://letterboxd.com/thewheeler/films/">Letterboxd</a> </p><p><em>If you love the work we do on Mother Of It All, please consider becoming a paid subscriber. Paid subscribers get access to everything behind the paywall, like subscriber-only episodes, book reviews and more. If you subscribe at the founding member level, we’ll send you one of our awesome</em><a target="_blank" href="https://motherofitall.substack.com/p/new-logo-tote-bags-are-here"><em> tote bags</em></a><em>. And it’s always free and helpful to follow, share, rate and review our show here and everywhere else you listen to podcasts you love. Thank you!</em></p><p>* <em>Visit our</em><a target="_blank" href="https://bookshop.org/shop/motherofitall"><em> Bookshop storefront</em></a><em> to find all the books we’ve mentioned here and in previous episodes. When you shop there, we get a small affiliate fee (yay, thank you!).</em></p><p>* <em>Visit</em><a target="_blank" href="https://motherofitall.com/"><em> motherofitall.com</em></a><em> to send us ideas for a future episode or learn more about the show.</em></p><p>* <em>Follow the podcast on Instagram (@themotherofitall) or Bluesky (@motherofitallpod.bsky.social)</em></p><p></p><p></p> <br/><br/>This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit <a href="https://motherofitall.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&#38;utm_campaign=CTA_2">motherofitall.substack.com/subscribe</a>

<p>Welcome to our ✨Holiday Special✨! In an episode that is ostensibly about Elf On The Shelf (or Mensch On The Bench — for Sarah), we explore our collective annual search for meaning and self with the great Meaghan O’Connell, author of <em>And Now We Have Everything</em> and noted Elf On The Shelf apologist. </p><p>Pressing items interrogated lightly include: Should <em>Elf On The Shelf </em>be a Dad thing? Does holiday magic necessarily include lying to our kids? What do we say when our kids ask if we’re Santa? What is the <em>true</em> magic? How do we even know what we enjoy and what we don’t in a season this busy, and should we take Miranda’s recommendation to do a witchy ritual to remind ourselves? </p><p><strong>Links: </strong></p><p>* Meaghan O’Connell’s book, <a target="_blank" href="https://bookshop.org/p/books/and-now-we-have-everything-on-motherhood-before-i-was-ready-meaghan-o-connell/16a5f95d277f9913?ean=9780316393850&#38;next=t"><em>And Now We Have Everything</em></a> </p><p>* <a target="_blank" href="https://www.britannica.com/topic/Saint-Nicholas-Day">St. Nicholas day</a></p><p>* <a target="_blank" href="https://www.powells.com/book/mr-willowbys-christmas-tree-9780385327213?condition=New&#38;gad_source=1&#38;gad_campaignid=23231155612&#38;gbraid=0AAAAAD_gE3NXytrR5DC6ZlQHaPNVhFiP7&#38;gclid=CjwKCAiAz_DIBhBJEiwAVH2XwEEfMTzJ5ugx9-VMP4Z0VrZmSWdDdlRIH_ErJxX8UOjde7HIJzx_zhoCEgwQAvD_BwE"><em>Mr. Willoby’s Christmas Tree</em></a></p><p>* <a target="_blank" href="https://meandbmaketea.com/2017/12/03/lazy-mums-elf-on-shelf-ideas/">‘Lazy Mom’ Elf On A Shelf</a></p><p>* <a target="_blank" href="https://elfontheshelf.com/"><em>Elf on a Shelf Book</em></a></p><p>* The <a target="_blank" href="https://motherofitall.substack.com/p/episode-6-are-the-holidays-fun-its-3e0">first Mother of it All holiday special</a>, featuring </p><p>Sara Petersen</p><p>* <a target="_blank" href="https://themenschonabench.com/">Mensch on a Bench </a>(“as seen on Shark Tank”)</p><p>* Sarah on <a target="_blank" href="https://www.thecut.com/article/boo-baskets-for-kids-trend-for-parents-couples.html">Boo Baskets </a>(<em>The Cut</em>)</p><p>* <a target="_blank" href="https://bookshop.org/a/111937/9781611803433"><em>When Things Fall Apart</em></a> by Pema Chodron</p><p>* Miranda’s Grandma Ruth’s <a target="_blank" href="https://food52.com/story/24875-my-family-recipe-peanut-butter-balls">Peanut Butter Balls</a></p><p>* Meaghan’s <a target="_blank" href="https://meaghanoc.substack.com/">Substack</a></p><p></p><p></p> <br/><br/>This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit <a href="https://motherofitall.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&#38;utm_campaign=CTA_2">motherofitall.substack.com/subscribe</a>

<p>We’re joined by science journalist <a target="_blank" href="https://substack.com/profile/1441468-melinda-wenner-moyer">Melinda Wenner Moyer</a>, author <a target="_blank" href="https://bookshop.org/a/111937/9780593719367"><strong><em>Hello, Cruel World! Science-Based Strategies for Raising Terrific Kids in Terrifying Times</em></strong></a><em>. </em>Melinda’s work has long been a trusted source for parents, and here, we talk a little bit about a lot of things that are on our minds right now. Melinda shares thoughts everything from Botox and dying our hair to resilience & kids, to nervous-system regulation to whether divorced moms are quietly judging their married friends and <em>so much more! </em></p><p>We end with an invigorating lightning round of a new game that <a target="_blank" href="https://substack.com/profile/4946408-sarah-wheeler">Sarah Wheeler</a> created called “Parent Advice Gut Check.” It’s complicated! </p><p><strong>Links:</strong></p><p>* <a target="_blank" href="https://bookshop.org/a/111937/9780593086957"><em>How to Raise Kids Who Aren’t A******s</em></a><em> </em>(Melinda’s first book) </p><p>* <a target="_blank" href="https://bookshop.org/p/books/hello-cruel-world-science-based-strategies-for-raising-terrific-kids-in-terrifying-times-melinda-wenner-moyer/c9e33a70bebc6685?ean=9780593719367&#38;next=t&#38;utm_source=google&#38;utm_medium=pmax&#38;utm_campaign=16243454879&#38;utm_content=&#38;utm_term=%7Bsearchterm%7D&#38;gad_source=1&#38;gad_campaignid=16235479093&#38;gbraid=0AAAAACfld4166CzKZM14T6VhVRPWu_dDE&#38;gclid=Cj0KCQiA5uDIBhDAARIsAOxj0CFnOMrmALfPCU0Pd5WgDji-gSxHhBcOa8QE54lg-HcNr1dMniWtqc0aAtXPEALw_wcB"><em>Hello, Cruel World! Science-Based Strategies for Raising Terrific Kids in Terrifying Times</em></a><em> </em>(Melinda’s new book!)</p><p>* <a target="_blank" href="https://melindawmoyer.substack.com/"><em>Now What?</em></a> Melinda’s Substack</p><p>* <a target="_blank" href="https://slate.com/human-interest/2015/08/lice-treatment-for-kids-dont-panic-make-sure-its-actually-lice-and-choose-the-right-treatment.html"><em>The Facts of Lice</em></a><a target="_blank" href="https://slate.com/human-interest/2015/08/lice-treatment-for-kids-dont-panic-make-sure-its-actually-lice-and-choose-the-right-treatment.html"> in Slate</a></p><p>* <a target="_blank" href="https://bookshop.org/a/111937/9780691245386"><em>What’s on Her Mind: The Mental Workload of Family Life</em></a> by Allison Daminger</p><p>* <a target="_blank" href="https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-emotional-lives-of-teenagers-raising-connected-capable-and-compassionate-adolescents-lisa-damour-ph-d/b84006d9421c99ed?ean=9780593500033&#38;next=t&#38;&#38;utm_source=google&#38;utm_medium=cpc&#38;utm_campaign=dsa_nonbrand&#38;utm_content={adgroupname}&#38;utm_term=aud-2151538068632:dsa-19959388920&#38;gad_source=1&#38;gad_campaignid=12440232635&#38;gbraid=0AAAAACfld43P5T4CqXf3Zq0i7TVCQxSbm&#38;gclid=Cj0KCQiA5uDIBhDAARIsAOxj0CGSrk6-L6LpXled0mv3yIyhvHqjPtbM19D9fIKl8-5qvNBG5ff8ZF4aAvbREALw_wcB">The Emotional Lives of Teenagers by Lisa Damour</a></p><p>* Lily Allen’s <a target="_blank" href="https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-features/lily-allen-west-end-girl-new-album-1235459774/"><em>West End Girl</em></a></p><p><em>If you love the work we do on Mother Of It All, please consider becoming a paid subscriber. Paid subscribers get access to everything behind the paywall, like subscriber-only episodes, book reviews and more. If you subscribe at the founding member level, we’ll send you one of our awesome</em><a target="_blank" href="https://motherofitall.substack.com/p/new-logo-tote-bags-are-here"><em> tote bags</em></a><em>. And it’s always free and helpful to follow, share, rate and review our show here and everywhere else you listen to podcasts you love. Thank you!</em></p><p>* <em>Visit our</em><a target="_blank" href="https://bookshop.org/shop/motherofitall"><em> Bookshop storefront</em></a><em> to find all the books we’ve mentioned here and in previous episodes. When you shop there, we get a small affiliate fee (yay, thank you!).</em></p><p>* <em>Visit</em><a target="_blank" href="https://motherofitall.com/"><em> motherofitall.com</em></a><em> to send us ideas for a future episode or learn more about the show.</em></p><p>* <em>Follow the podcast on Instagram (@themotherofitall) or Bluesky (@motherofitallpod.bsky.social)</em></p> <br/><br/>This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit <a href="https://motherofitall.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&#38;utm_campaign=CTA_2">motherofitall.substack.com/subscribe</a>

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit <a href="https://motherofitall.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&#38;utm_campaign=CTA_7">motherofitall.substack.com</a><br/><br/><p>In this bonus episode for paid subscribers, Sarah and Miranda go long on the PTA (Sarah is this year’s PTA President for her school—something she thought she’d never do) — balancing anxiety about your kid with collective goals and getting involved without losing your boundaries. Also radio nostalgia and whether your clothes just look like pajamas. </p><p><strong>Links:</strong></p>

<p>Sarah and Miranda are joined by guests Christie George and Jihii Jolly to discuss how motherhood and creativity fuel or constrain one another, and how we navigate life as mothers who also want to make art, or artists who want to mother. </p><p><strong>Links:</strong></p><p>* <a target="_blank" href="https://thepracticepractice.substack.com/">Christie George</a>’s Practice Practice</p><p>* <a target="_blank" href="https://jihii.substack.com/about">Jijii Jolly</a>’s Time Spent</p><p>* Christie’s book, <a target="_blank" href="https://www.christiemgeorge.com/"><em>The Emergency Was Curiosity</em></a> </p><p>* <a target="_blank" href="https://bookshop.org/a/111937/9781506488707"><em>The Mother Artist</em></a><em> </em>by Catherine Ricketts</p><p>* <a target="_blank" href="https://www.scrap-sf.org/">Scrap SF</a></p><p>* <a target="_blank" href="https://ruthasawa.com/">Ruth Asawa</a></p><p>* <a target="_blank" href="https://madmuseum.org/exhibition/designing-motherhood">Designing Motherhood</a> exhibit at the Museum of Art and Design</p><p>* <a target="_blank" href="https://bookshop.org/p/books/we-live-for-the-we-the-political-power-of-black-motherhood-dani-mcclain/1f8082a355ceffef?ean=9781568588544&#38;next=t&#38;"><em>We Live For The We</em></a> by Dani McClain</p><p>* <a target="_blank" href="https://bookshop.org/a/111937/9781612198552"><em>How To Do Nothing</em></a> by Jenny Odell</p><p>* <a target="_blank" href="https://www.nytimes.com/2025/09/12/magazine/child-subjects-art-abuse-sally-mann-molly-jong-fast-ruby-franke.html">The Cost of Performing Childhood for Your Parent’s Art </a>by By Parul Sehgal (New York Times) </p> <br/><br/>This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit <a href="https://motherofitall.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&#38;utm_campaign=CTA_2">motherofitall.substack.com/subscribe</a>