The Big Drink Rethink

Alcohol Mindset Coaching | EP 145 Why do so many of us feel we need a drink to be confident at parties, gatherings, even among friends? In this episode, Anna Donaghey untangles the deep-rooted belief that alcohol provides confidence, and invites you to question where that story really comes from. With lived experience and psychological insight, Anna guides you through the "costume" we put on with every glass, and the subconscious beliefs driving our drinking behaviours. She breaks down the science behind nerves and explains why true confidence can't be poured from a bottle and how what you're really after might be presence, not performance. Make sure you listen to discover practical mindset shifts and tools for handling social situations alcohol-free. Highlights: 00:00 Why we often reach for a drink before entering a party 01:32 The hidden belief: “Alcohol gives me confidence” 02:50 How subconscious beliefs shape our drinking behaviours 05:36 Digging deeper: is the real belief “I’m not enough as I am”? 06:25 Nerves are natural, not a sign of weakness 07:06 Alcohol as a “costume” in social settings 10:09 Questioning our beliefs: “Says who?” 11:20 Remembering a time before alcohol 13:14 The difference between confidence and lowered inhibitions 16:45 Why alcohol delivers only a “borrowed” confidence 17:41 I am enough as I am, and confidence is something I build 19:30 Tools for managing nerves: relabel anxiety as excitement 20:45 Using genuine curiosity when meeting new people 21:26 When anxiety is actually a signal to honour your needs 22:13 Confidence means choosing the right rooms for you 22:31 Get your free worksheet at https://www.thebigdrinkrethink.com/toolkit-optin Listener offer: An exclusive 15% off Botivo - a bittersweet, citrusy aperitivo that perfectly marks that end-of-day moment. If you’d like to try it, you can get 15% off at https://botivodrinks.com/ with the code BIGDRINKRETHINK15. Anna’s book "What Are You Thirsty For? Rethinking Alcohol and The Life You Want", is now out in the world for you to buy! Order your copy and explore her coaching programmes at: https://thebigdrinkrethink.com/ For free tools and to receive Anna’s newsletter, The Rethink Edit, visit: https://www.thebigdrinkrethink.com/resources The Thirsty For More Mindset Lab is Anna’s ‘inner circle ’- a calm, thoughtful space where conversations continue, patterns are explored, and things begin to make sense. Find out more at: https://thirstyformore.substack.com/ If you appreciate the podcast and would like to show a bit of love, you can donate the cost of a coffee here. It helps support the time and care that goes into making the show: https://buymeacoffee.com/bigdrinkrethink About the host Anna: Anna is a certified Alcohol Mindset Coach, trained by Annie Grace of This Naked Mind. Drawing on her own journey out of alcohol addiction, she now helps others explore and control their drinking. With a career spanning 25 years as a Strategist in the Advertising industry, she combines her own lived experiences, with great insight into what makes us tick and what influences us to behave the way we do. Connect with Anna: Website: thebigdrinkrethink.com LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/annadonaghey Instagram: instagram.com/bigdrinkrethink Produced by winteraudio.co.uk Mentioned in this episode: Listener offer: An exclusive 15% off Botivo - a bittersweet, citrusy aperitivo that perfectly marks that end-of-day moment. If you’d like to try it, you can get 15% off at https://botivodrinks.com/ with the code BIGDRINKRETHINK15.

Who am I? What do I stand for? What kind of life do I want to live? These aren't questions reserved for lecture halls. If you've ever tried to change your relationship with alcohol, you've already been asking them. This week, Anna Donaghey is joined by Peg O'Connor, professor of philosophy, author and a woman in long-term recovery, to bring philosophy out of academia and into everyday life. Together they make the case that anyone grappling with change is already a philosopher at heart. Peg shares her lived experience of addiction and what it taught her about shame, self-belief and the quiet pull of living on autopilot. She and Anna explore why recovery works better as an ongoing experiment than a fixed identity, and how reclaiming genuine agency and a sense of belonging to yourself can change everything. Whether you're sober, sober curious or simply questioning the role alcohol plays in your life, this conversation will leave you thinking differently about who you are and who you're becoming. Highlights: 00:00 Meet Peg O'Connor: philosopher, author, and recovering alcoholic 01:16 The big questions addiction and philosophy both ask 03:26 Why everyone in recovery is already a philosopher 04:09 Ancient philosophy: "How do we live and flourish?" 09:10 Knowing you're in trouble, but unsure how to change 12:00 The fatalism and isolation of shame 14:53 39 years sober and still treating every day as a new experiment 18:45 Hitting all of life's benchmarks but still losing yourself 21:31 Alcohol freedom as a gateway not the destination 22:28 Happiness as despair’s hiding place (Kierkegaard) 24:05 Functioning on autopilot; the tyranny of "fine" 26:14 The torment of not feeling fully present 32:09 The transformative question: "What do I deserve?" 33:04 Why philosophy doesn’t judge, but invites exploration 34:19 What philosophers say about will and change 38:40 Painting a vivid picture for your future; setting a new compass 40:12 Embracing agency and accepting responsibility 43:09 Stoic wisdom: controlling what you can, accepting what you can't 47:05 Dialogue is at the heart of philosophy and recovery 47:48 Peg’s new book: “Recovering Character: Overcoming Addiction and Belonging to Yourself” 53:08 Examining life is what makes it worth living. Anna’s book "What Are You Thirsty For? Rethinking Alcohol and The Life You Want", is now out in the world for you to buy! Order your copy, access her free tools and explore her coaching programmes at: https://thebigdrinkrethink.com/ The Thirsty For More Mindset Lab is Anna’s ‘inner circle’ - a calm, thoughtful space where conversations continue, patterns are explored, and things begin to make sense. Find out more at: https://thirstyformore.substack.com/ If you appreciate the podcast and would like to show a bit of love, you can donate the cost of a coffee here. It helps support the time and care that goes into making the show: https://buymeacoffee.com/bigdrinkrethink About the host Anna: Anna is a certified Alcohol Mindset Coach, trained by Annie Grace of This Naked Mind. Drawing on her own journey out of alcohol addiction, she now helps others explore and control their drinking. With a career spanning 25 years as a Strategist in the Advertising industry, she combines her own lived experiences, with great insight into what makes us tick and what influences us to behave the way we do. Connect with Anna: Website: thebigdrinkrethink.com LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/annadonaghey Instagram: instagram.com/bigdrinkrethink Produced by winteraudio.co.uk About Peg O’Connor: Peg O’Connor has been a professor of philosophy for more than thirty years. Active in her own addiction to alcohol, Peg came to recognise she was deeply disoriented in her own life. She didn't recognise herself and had no idea who she was or wanted to be. She had no self-respect. She didn't belong to herself but rather to the alcohol she was drinking, the unrealistic expectations she put on herself, and a boatload of grievances. She knew she didn't want to keep living the way she was. Knowing what we don't want to do or be is a first step to changing - but it isn't enough. Philosophy became Peg's travelling companion on the journey to find out who she is, and what she stands for. She believes it helped her to get and stay sober - helping her name what she had lost and plot a course to get it back. Or create it for the first time. Connect with Peg: Website: https://pegoconnorauthor.com/ Mentioned in this episode: Listener offer: An exclusive 15% off Botivo - a bittersweet, citrusy aperitivo that perfectly marks that end-of-day moment. If you’d like to try it, you can get 15% off at https://botivodrinks.com/ with the code BIGDRINKRETHINK15.

This episode explores one of the most persistent beliefs about drinking: the idea that alcohol is essential for relaxation. If you've ever found yourself reaching for a drink after work or on a quiet afternoon almost automatically, you're not alone. Your host Anna Donaghey shares how this learned habit is driven by deep-seated beliefs, many of which never truly belonged to us in the first place. With clarity and compassion, Anna examines the gap between what alcohol actually does in our bodies and the soothing myth we've been sold. She explores why we come to rely on alcohol to "switch off," how these patterns are modeled by family and culture, and the powerful role of questioning our inherited beliefs. Along the way, she offers science-backed insights into alcohol's real impact on stress and sleep, plus practical, gentle alternatives for anyone ready to try something new. Highlights: 00:02 Automatic drinking after work: is it really relaxing? 02:02 How beliefs drive thoughts and thoughts drive drinking habits 03:47 The deeper belief: “I can’t relax without alcohol” 05:16 Why “switching off” often means marking a change of state 06:08 The truth: first drink relaxes you, then belief takes over 07:12 Family, culture, and media model alcohol as the only way to unwind 08:09 “Says who?”, questioning where our beliefs come from 09:12 Is alcohol actually removing stress or just postponing it? 10:21 The science: alcohol as a stressor, not a stress-reliever 13:28 The turnaround: alcohol creates more stress than it relieves 15:17 Easy experiment: alternatives that signal “the day is done” 16:42 Free, simple rituals to replace the evening drink 17:28 Looking upstream at the real pressures behind drinking 18:18 You were never incapable of relaxing, you just weren't shown other ways. Want some easy reset ideas? Have a listen to Episode 68: Toolkit '101': 5-Minute Resets: Go-To Alternatives to Alcohol: https://pod.fo/e/2cf33d Anna’s book "What Are You Thirsty For? Rethinking Alcohol and The Life You Want", is now out in the world for you to buy! Order your copy, access her free tools and explore her coaching programmes at: https://thebigdrinkrethink.com/ The Thirsty For More Mindset Lab is Anna’s ‘inner circle’ - a calm, thoughtful space where conversations continue, patterns are explored, and things begin to make sense. Find out more at: https://thirstyformore.substack.com/ If you appreciate the podcast and would like to show a bit of love, you can donate the cost of a coffee here. It helps support the time and care that goes into making the show: https://buymeacoffee.com/bigdrinkrethink About the host Anna: Anna is a certified Alcohol Mindset Coach, trained by Annie Grace of This Naked Mind. Drawing on her own journey out of alcohol addiction, she now helps others explore and control their drinking. With a career spanning 25 years as a Strategist in the Advertising industry, she combines her own lived experiences, with great insight into what makes us tick and what influences us to behave the way we do. Connect with Anna: Website: thebigdrinkrethink.com LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/annadonaghey Instagram: instagram.com/bigdrinkrethink Produced by winteraudio.co.uk Mentioned in this episode: Listener offer: An exclusive 15% off Botivo - a bittersweet, citrusy aperitivo that perfectly marks that end-of-day moment. If you’d like to try it, you can get 15% off at https://botivodrinks.com/ with the code BIGDRINKRETHINK15.

This episode touches on addiction and on the loss of a child to a fatal overdose. It's a tender one, so please take care whilst listening. And if that's not something you have capacity for today, it's completely okay to come back another time. What if the person you love is slipping away beneath the weight of addiction, and you’re left battling shame, silence, and a culture that blames individuals while ignoring the deeper crisis? In this profoundly moving episode, Anna Donaghey speaks to Katie Rizzo, a mother who lost her son Nicholas to a fatal overdose after years of struggling with alcohol and substance dependence. This is a story shaped by grief, but also by everything that comes after. Katie bravely challenges the stigma and secrecy that surround addiction within families and in society at large. She shares Nicholas’s sensitive nature, the anxiety that haunted him, and the relentless pressure to appear happy and successful. Anna and Katie discuss how addiction is viewed as a personal failing, why shame forces families into silence, and what it means to support a loved one with compassion rather than judgement. You’ll hear firsthand about the ways social comparison, anxiety, and unrealistic ideals fuel substance misuse in young people and why the myth of individual willpower is so dangerous. Anna and Katie invite listeners to rethink not only how we talk about drinking, but how vulnerability, honesty, and community are the real routes to healing. Highlights: 00:00 Trigger warning: addiction and the loss of a child 01:13 Who Nicholas was, behind the statistics and labels 03:46 How social pressure and anxiety feed substance use 07:13 Why “this isn’t the real me”: inside the mind of addiction 12:52 The myth of willpower, the reality of relapse 18:20 Family stigma and shame: breaking the silence 28:22 Why addiction is a human issue not a moral failing 35:51 Loving a person, not the addiction 41:30 “I’m not the mother who failed her son”, the truth about blame 44:42 Why compassion, vulnerability, and honesty combat shame. Anna’s book "What Are You Thirsty For? Rethinking Alcohol and The Life You Want", is now out in the world for you to buy! Order your copy, access her free tools and explore her coaching programmes at: https://thebigdrinkrethink.com/ The Thirsty For More Mindset Lab is Anna’s ‘inner circle’ - a calm, thoughtful space where conversations continue, patterns are explored, and things begin to make sense. Find out more at: https://thirstyformore.substack.com/ If you appreciate the podcast and would like to show a bit of love, you can donate the cost of a coffee here. It helps support the time and care that goes into making the show: https://buymeacoffee.com/bigdrinkrethink About the host Anna: Anna is a certified Alcohol Mindset Coach, trained by Annie Grace of This Naked Mind. Drawing on her own journey out of alcohol addiction, she now helps others explore and control their drinking. With a career spanning 25 years as a Strategist in the Advertising industry, she combines her own lived experiences, with great insight into what makes us tick and what influences us to behave the way we do. Connect with Anna: Website: thebigdrinkrethink.com LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/annadonaghey Instagram: instagram.com/bigdrinkrethink Produced by winteraudio.co.uk About Katie Rizzo: Katie Rizzo is a mother, former high school science teacher, and writer based in Arizona. Her oldest son, Nicholas, died from an accidental overdose after a long struggle with anxiety and addiction - first to alcohol, then to benzodiazepines and prescription opioids. Since his passing, Katie has found her way through grief with the support of Al-Anon and grief communities, and has turned to writing as a way of processing what she's lived through. She is the author of two forthcoming books: Trimesters of Grief (October 1st) and a poetry collection, None of Them Are You (November 1st). Connect with Katie: Website: https://katierizzo.com/ Mentioned in this episode: Listener offer: An exclusive 15% off Botivo - a bittersweet, citrusy aperitivo that perfectly marks that end-of-day moment. If you’d like to try it, you can get 15% off at https://botivodrinks.com/ with the code BIGDRINKRETHINK15.

What if reaching for a drink when life feels overwhelming isn’t actually helping you cope, but is instead blocking your real resilience? In this solo episode, Anna Donaghey unpacks the powerful belief that “alcohol helps me cope” and why it might be time to rethink it. Anna walks listeners through how our beliefs drive our thoughts and behaviours, using real-life examples and her own experience during maternity leave, to break down the difference between numbing and coping. You’ll learn how to identify the underlying beliefs fueling your urge to drink when things get tough, why numbing with alcohol doesn’t actually resolve hard feelings and the cultural scripts and common myths that keep us reaching for alcohol. If you’ve ever felt like you “need” a drink to get through tough times or want to trust yourself to deal with life’s challenges without alcohol, this episode is for you. Check out the free worksheet and resources mentioned at https://www.thebigdrinkrethink.com/resources to continue your exploration. Highlights: 00:00 Introduction 01:34 How beliefs drive drinking: breaking down the behaviour-thought-belief chain 02:36 The “alcohol helps me cope” belief and why it’s so fundamental 04:20 Distinguishing between drinking for crisis vs. drinking for everyday discomfort 07:17 Alcohol as the UK’s “favourite coping mechanism” 10:33 Evidence: Alcohol worsens depression, anxiety, and stress over time 12:54 Practical tool: Name the hard thing out loud or write it down 14:58 Reflection exercise: “I don’t think I could cope with ___ without a drink.” Anna’s book "What Are You Thirsty For? Rethinking Alcohol and The Life You Want", is now out in the world for you to buy! Order your copy, access her free tools and explore her coaching programmes at: https://thebigdrinkrethink.com/ The Thirsty For More Mindset Lab is Anna’s ‘inner circle’ - a calm, thoughtful space where conversations continue, patterns are explored, and things begin to make sense. Find out more at: https://thirstyformore.substack.com/ If you appreciate the podcast and would like to show a bit of love, you can donate the cost of a coffee here. It helps support the time and care that goes into making the show: https://buymeacoffee.com/bigdrinkrethink About the host Anna: Anna is a certified Alcohol Mindset Coach, trained by Annie Grace of This Naked Mind. Drawing on her own journey out of alcohol addiction, she now helps others explore and control their drinking. With a career spanning 25 years as a Strategist in the Advertising industry, she combines her own lived experiences, with great insight into what makes us tick and what influences us to behave the way we do. Connect with Anna: Website: thebigdrinkrethink.com LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/annadonaghey Instagram: instagram.com/bigdrinkrethink Produced by winteraudio.co.uk Mentioned in this episode: Listener offer: An exclusive 15% off Botivo - a bittersweet, citrusy aperitivo that perfectly marks that end-of-day moment. If you’d like to try it, you can get 15% off at https://botivodrinks.com/ with the code BIGDRINKRETHINK15.