From Foster to Forever

Just a quick message of thanks and gratitude for supporting the show and an update on what's next.

We're currently working on a Season 2. I am also finishing up an offering that I hope to have out in early summer:

Two new books:

From Foster to Forever: Surviving the Journey (A handbook for Parents) and

From Foster to Forever: A workbook to help you decide if foster-to-adopt is for you.

I'll have a pre-order link up as soon as it's available.

In the meantime, if you have already left a rating/review wherever you listen to the show, thanks so much! If you haven't yet, I know we're all busy but it really helps get the show out to others and I would really appreciate it - plus, it's good karma! :)

Finally, if you know any folks with awesome foster to adopt stories who might like to be on the pod, please send them my way.

That's all for now. Bye!

I couldn't think of a better way to close out Season One than by sharing Stacey and Demi's unique story. It begins when Stacey was a new teacher in her first job. Demi was a pre-teen with a challenging family life. At school she was "always in trouble", but Stacey found a way to connect with her. When Demi ended up needing a foster home, the only person she could think of to call was Stacey. And so began their life together.

This is such a great conversation because we have both Stacey and Demi, able to share their story from both sides, foster mom and adoptee, with the gift of perspective and hindsight. They have such a beautiful relationship and they're both so strong and wise.

In the episode we delve into their twisty and often tumultuous road to forever. We talk about the difficulties on both sides of the relationship, growth and bonding out of chaos, and learning how to trust and feel safe. The "honeymoon" period vs. the reality of day to day living.

Demi dispels myths of all foster teens being into drugs and drinking and also discusses why she and her sister weren't placed together and what their active relationship with her birth family looks like today.

We touch on defiance, counseling, challenges, baggage, establishing a rhythm, routine and boundaries, and unconditional love, as well as healing, recovery and Demi's own journey into motherhood - and the many insights that is bringing.

It's such a rich exchange, and I'm so grateful for their openness and vulnerability in sharing their story on our show. I can't wait for you to listen.

This is a very special episode because it features our first nanny, Morgan, who we met when she first arrived in LA from the East Coast. Morgan found out about foster care and foster-to-adopt through working for us and decided it was something she felt called to do. Her husband agreed and shortly after becoming certified, they received Ventura County's 13th ever Safe Surrender baby. They went through the process and adopted him and have since gone on to foster multiple children, providing a safe and happy home for them, and attempting to adopt when possible.

Morgan and I both love talking and could have gone on forever! Some of the topics we cover are:

-Safe Surrender Babies

-Life-books, and how to talk to your adopted children about their story, history and birth family.

-Traumatic injuries and supporting children who have sustained abuse and have special needs.

-Visits, reunifications and attempting to create relationship with birth families.

-Integrating siblings and explaining foster carer to other kids in the family.

-What it takes to be a foster parent.

-Talking with extended families and friends about your choices and why they are right for you.

It's a wonderful episode chock full of information, wisdom and lived experience.

This episode tells the story of Amy and Tiger, two creatives who "met old" and wanted to start a family. With money constraints, they found their way to foster-to-adopt, and after an arduous fostering process, were able to adopt their daughter.

We discuss so many topics on this episode:

-The feeling of "otherness" that can sometime occur as an adoptive family.

-Transracial adoption and as white people, some ways to support an African American child.

-Tokenism and representation in the media.

-Their long journey through the difficult foster care system. The stress and trauma, and how they fought through it.

-Visitations, overnight visits and the delicate and sometimes confusing relationship with their daughter's birth family.

-"Bird-nesting" and co-parenting amicably through divorce

Since recording this episode, I wanted to share some resources on the topic of transracial adoption. As a transracial adoptive family ourselves, my husband and I are committed to continuing education on this topic, including listening to adult adoptees.

-The family camp I refer to in the episode:

Pact Family Camp

https://pactadopt.org/pact-camp/

I have since learned there are many of these types of camp. This one was recommended by our Foster Family Agency, Extraordinary Families.

-An excellent resource regarding hair care and maintenance for white parents with black children is Ms. Terria Roushun Epting. She has a book, a workbook and a course (that I'll be taking soon!). For all her offerings, visit her website https://terriaroushun.com/ and follow her on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/terriaroushun

-To learn about the life and experience of a black woman adopted by white parents, her search to find her biological parents and why white people need to be educated on the transracial adoptive experience, read "You Should Be Grateful" by Angela Tucker . I listened to the audiobook, which she does a great job of narrating! She also has many other offerings, including a podcast, which are discoverable here:

https://www.angelatucker.com/

Follow her on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/angieadoptee/

I'm sure there are many more valuable resources out there, so please don't hesitate to share them with me and our listeners. It is a lifelong education process. If you feel we've gotten anything wrong in this episode, please call us "in" and let us know how we can do better.

I'm committed to learning and growing in this space, as well as educating others. Thanks!

Jay Shindell found fostering by "accident". The single dad was only originally going to do emergency placements but soon after welcoming the first baby into his home, he was in love and wanted to adopt. He survived multiple placements, supporting many birth families and helping them get on their feet before finally finding his son (who you can hear cooing sweetly in the background throughout the interview!).

Jay talks about how he dealt with loss, how he remembers and honors the children that have been in his home and how he has found a passion for fostering and foster-to-adopt. He also discusses being an older parent, and being open and honest with his employers, who have been very supportive of his journey and needing time off.

Jay is still in the last stages of finalization with his son. We're looking forward to celebrating with him soon!