Settling Is Bullshit

<p>Living with ADHD in a neurotypical world is hard. It just is. But we don’t have to lose ourselves in shame and self-loathing when we can’t contort ourselves into the shapes society wants for us.</p><p>In this conversation with TT Hernandez, artist and trauma-informed coach for creative minds, we share about our journeys as late-in-life diagnosed ADHDers and how we found our way out of shame and burnout and into self-compassion and self-care.</p><p>A huge part of that process was un-shaming the ways that our quirky and magical ADHD brains operate and learning to embrace the inevitable life pivots that the universe throws at us… ideally learning to listen to the gentle nudges before getting hit upside the head with a two-by-four (or an actual softball, as was the case for TT!)</p><p>Read the transcript at: <a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://settlingisbullshit.com/2026/04/02/adhd-and-un-shaming-our-life-pivots-with-tt-hernandez/">https://settlingisbullshit.com/2026/04/02/adhd-and-un-shaming-our-life-pivots-with-tt-hernandez/</a></p><p><strong>Connect with TT</strong></p><p>Visit her website: <a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="http://tthernandez.com">tthernandez.com</a></p><p>Follow her on Instagram: @the.tthernandez &amp; @hall_lore_ween</p><p>Order her books!</p><ul><li><em>Hall-lore-ween</em> (Book 1) <a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://a.co/d/eGi5Px5">https://a.co/d/eGi5Px5</a></li><li><em>It’s Hall-lore-ween again!</em> (Book 2) <a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://a.co/d/0MIbHM6">https://a.co/d/0MIbHM6</a></li></ul><p><strong>Resources, References, and Links</strong></p><p><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://www.utmb.edu/pedi_ed/GENPEDS/ADHD/page_06.htm">DSM-5 Criteria for ADHD</a> – when they separated things out into inattentive and hyperactive.</p><p><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://www.additudemag.com/understanding-adhd-hyperfocus/?srsltid=AfmBOooOfr6WW90-P6eeU5JwxL-iG9IMqqtCe-GuFhiLCIqdF7DNvylP">Hyperfocus</a>. “an intense fixation on an interest or activity for an extended period of time.”</p><p>Episode #48: <a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/07/30/honoring-our-limitations/">Honoring Our Limitations</a>.</p><p><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="http://sevengrams.org">Seven Grams</a>. The short film TT illustrated.</p><p><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://www.additudemag.com/rejection-sensitive-dysphoria-and-adhd/">Rejection sensitivity</a>. An aspect of ADHD in which we are acutely attuned to potential (and real) rejection.</p><p><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://add.org/the-body-double/">Body doubling</a>. A simple but incredibly effective tool for ADHDers in which you simply have someone present with you while you work on difficult tasks.</p><p><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://www.youtube.com/c/HowtoADHD">How to ADHD</a>. My favorite YouTube channel for understanding and coping with ADHD.</p>

<p>Any time we’re making changes in our lives, any time we’re learning something new, any time the universe throws us a curve ball – there’s usually a big chunk of mess we have to wade through to get to the other side. This episode goes out to anyone who’s feeling stuck in that muck.</p><p>Sometimes things are just shitty for a while. Sometimes we’re in limbo with nothing we can do about it. Sometimes we’re just bad at stuff while we try to get our feet back under us. And when we’re really just <em>in</em> it, that’s when we need an extra bit of help.</p><p>So, this episode is your pep talk for getting through the messy middle, for remembering that acceptance, community support, and cultivating hope are all tools you can reach for (even if you don’t feel like it).</p><p>Read the transcript at: <a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://settlingisbullshit.com/">https://settlingisbullshit.com/</a></p><p><strong>Resources, References, and Links</strong></p><p>The Insidious Grip of a Fixed Mindset <a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/08/13/the-insidious-grip-of-a-fixed-mindset/">https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/08/13/the-insidious-grip-of-a-fixed-mindset/</a></p><p>Hope Isn’t a Feeling – It’s a Choice <a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://settlingisbullshit.com/2023/04/20/hope-isnt-a-feeling-its-a-choice/">https://settlingisbullshit.com/2023/04/20/hope-isnt-a-feeling-its-a-choice/</a></p><p>Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE’s). Traumatic events that happen between the ages of 0-17. <a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/symptoms/24875-adverse-childhood-experiences-ace">https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/symptoms/24875-adverse-childhood-experiences-ace</a></p>

<p>A reflection in the midst of heartache, this episode touches on what it means to be in relationship – with ourselves and with others (and with the pets that we have to eventually let go). There are costs to love – sometimes hidden, often overlooked, but almost always worth it.</p><p>Your invitation with this listen is to come home to the love within and to consciously choose to show up in love today – in whatever corner of your life needs it most.</p><p>Content note: I had to put my cat to sleep last week, and I talk about it here, though not in any detail. So this is also an episode about grief and gratitude.</p><p>Read the transcript at: <a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://settlingisbullshit.com/">https://settlingisbullshit.com/</a></p>

<p>Whether it’s a New Year’s Resolution that’s already fallen to the wayside, a healthy habit you’ve been struggling to reintegrate, or a lovely little hobby that once brought you joy – today’s episode is your pep talk to just pick it back up.</p><p>No guilt. No shame. No stories about wasted time. The truth is that we all fall out of sync with the things we want for ourselves. Habits are hard to maintain, especially new ones. And dedicating time to cultivating joy can feel hard without sufficient momentum.</p><p>So, I’m here to offer myself and you not a kick in the pants, but a gentle nudge to just get the wheels turning again. Even a tiny bit of action might just get you back on the road to your most awesome self.</p><p>Read the transcript at: <a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://settlingisbullshit.com/2026/01/11/whatever-it-is-just-pick-it-back-up-again/">https://settlingisbullshit.com/2026/01/11/whatever-it-is-just-pick-it-back-up-again/</a></p><p><strong>Resources, References, and Links</strong></p><p><em>Note: book recommendations include affiliate links. If you buy a copy, I’ll get a tiny commission, and that would be super cool.</em></p><p><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://bookshop.org/a/109472/9780735211292"><em>Atomic Habits</em></a> by James Clear. Super great book to pick up if you want to make changes in your life.</p><p><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RYlCVwxoL_g">An Invocation for Beginnings</a> by Ze Frank. I have watched this video well over 100 times – it’s SO good. <a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RYlCVwxoL_g">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RYlCVwxoL_g</a></p><p>2025 New Year post – ”<a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/01/01/intentions-are-better-than-goals-especially-for-the-new-year/">Intentions Are Better than Goals (Especially for the New Year)</a>” (AKA Episode #28)</p><p>Episode #35 - “<a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/02/27/cultivating-joy-amidst-the-shit-show/">Cultivating Joy Amidst the Shit Show</a>”</p><p>And just for bonus fun, some other motivating posts/recordings:</p><ul><li>“<a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/05/28/habits-and-routines-and-rituals-oh-my/">Habits and Routines and Rituals, Oh My!</a>”</li><li>“<a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://settlingisbullshit.com/2023/11/17/start-small-and-you-may-surprise-yourself/">Start Small and You May Surprise Yourself</a>”</li><li>“<a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/11/14/in-praise-of-gentle-consistency/">In Praise of Gentle Consistency</a>” (Episode #24)</li><li>“<a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/02/21/action-fuels-motivation-seriously/">Action Fuels Motivation (Seriously)</a>”</li></ul>

<p>Unmet expectations are probably the leading cause of resentment in our lives – especially around the holidays! Just sayin’. But! Recognizing that we had (potentially unrealistic) expectations in the first place is a great step towards greater joy and freedom and being nice to each other.</p><p>This little episode is a pep talk around recognizing our expectations, letting go of the unrealistic ones, giving ourselves permission to recalibrate, encouragement to talk openly about our needs, and to take care of ourselves so we can show up well in our lives.</p><p>You know, the usual.</p><p>It’s also an update on what’s going on behind the scenes over here – and an expectation reset! Since I had unreasonably high hopes for myself during my first term back in school.</p><p>Sending love and fortitude as we enter the dark but merry time of year.</p><p>Read the transcript at: <a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/11/03/unmet-expectations-are-the-theif-of-joy/">https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/11/03/unmet-expectations-are-the-theif-of-joy/</a></p><p><strong>Resources, References, and Links</strong></p><p>Episode #2: “Comparison Is the Thief of Joy.”</p><p>Episodes #20 &amp; #21: “Befriending Your Nervous System with Marjorie Schreurs.” <a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/10/10/befriending-your-nervous-system-1-activation/">https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/10/10/befriending-your-nervous-system-1-activation/</a></p><p>Episode #25: “Bringing Boundaries and Self-Compassion to the Holidays with Jenny Tryansky.” <a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/11/21/bringing-boundaries-and-self-compassion-to-the-holidays-with-jenny-tryansky/">https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/11/21/bringing-boundaries-and-self-compassion-to-the-holidays-with-jenny-tryansky/</a></p>