The Secure Love Podcast with Julie Menanno

We are finally seeing genuine momentum. This week, Bethany and Brian report being in a "good space," having successfully navigated a conflict without spiraling into a negative cycle for the first time in weeks. You'll hear how Bethany paused to articulate her intent, allowing Brian to truly hear her rather than react.

This session focuses on solidifying that win through somatic work—helping Brian's nervous system physically "install" the feeling of peace . We also revisit Bethany's "badass" comment to uncover the deep shame she has carried regarding her financial infidelity. She admits that feeling "flawed" led her to hide her true self . The breakthrough comes when her vulnerability is met not with anger, but with validation, proving they are finally building a positive cycle.

This week's prompt: Recall a recent moment where you felt truly heard or understood by your partner. Close your eyes, bring that memory to mind, and notice: what physically happens in your body? Does your chest loosen? Does your breath deepen? Practice feeling that safety.

Send your responses to this prompt or any questions/comments you have about the podcast via email or voice note to [email protected]. Your submission might be featured on a future episode.

Last week, we explored the "why" behind Bethany's avoidant behavior. This week, we go deeper, uncovering the pain she has been silently carrying to keep the peace. For years, Bethany has minimized her own needs, believing her hurts "don't rise to the level" of the pain she caused Brian. But this silence has come at a cost: disconnection, resentment, and the loss of her own voice.

In a powerful moment of reclaiming her assertiveness, Bethany reconnects with the "badass" she used to be. We explore what healthy assertion looks like for an avoidant partner and why standing up for yourself is actually an act of love for the relationship. We then turn to Brian to understand the "very good reasons" behind his disrespectful protests, revealing that his anger is often a desperate "air horn" trying to wake his partner up to his pain.

This week's prompt: Reflect on a time you minimized your own hurt to keep the peace. What part of yourself did you have to silence, and what would it look like to reclaim that voice today?

Last week, we sat with Brian's heavy narrative that Bethany is "out to get him." This week, we turn the lens around to understand the experience of the avoidant partner. We explore a conflict about picking up their sick daughter from daycare, where Bethany's genuine attempt to help is misread as control, leaving her feeling like the "bad guy" yet again.

We finally unveil the "why" behind Bethany's lack of emotion. We learn that her "stone face" isn't indifference; it is a desperate shield against the pain of feeling like a failure. The breakthrough happens when she admits, "I'm not trying to avoid you... I'm just trying to shut out the pain," causing Brian to soften and feel hope for the first time in weeks.

This week's prompt: Think about your own version of the "stone face." When you shut down, go numb, or get super logical—what specific feeling are you trying to avoid? Are you protecting yourself from feeling like a failure or from feeling rejected?

After a long holiday break, Bethany and Brian have lost momentum and are "not in a good spot." Brian opens the session feeling "checked out" and asks, "Is this insanity?" while Bethany feels like she's "walking on eggshells," afraid to trigger him. The core of the session focuses on the main block to their progress: Brian's unshakeable and "unworkable" narrative that Bethany is "maliciously out to get him."

We explore how Brian's history—from his mother to the financial infidelity to a new story from Christmas—has conditioned him to default to this narrative. The breakthrough comes in reframing this belief not as a fact, but as a safety strategy. His brain defaults to "she's malicious" because it offers a simple solution to his deep pain ("unlovable," "a fool"): it gives him "permission" to leave, which feels safer than being vulnerable.

This week's prompt: This week, we worked on the reframe from 'she's malicious' to 'she's just hurt and in her protective mode.' Think about your partner's most triggering behavior. What is the malicious story you automatically tell yourself about it? And what might the 'they're just hurt' version of that story be?

Is there an expiration date on old wounds? This week, Brian struggles with seeing Bethany receive empathy for her car accident, as it triggers a deep, unspoken pain from his own past trauma. Months earlier, he was the victim of a violent attack that left him unable to work and feeling alone, which became the foundation for his "I'm done, I'm leaving" stance and his feeling of being a "second-class citizen."

This session is about the courage it takes to finally give voice to old hurt. The turning point isn't about deciding whose trauma was worse; it's the powerful breakthrough that happens when Brian shares his vulnerability, and Bethany, instead of defending, meets it with empathy, saying it "softens me." It's a profound lesson in co-regulation and how learning to receive each other's pain is the true foundation of healing.

This week's prompt: Reflect on an old hurt that still shows up in your current relationship. What is the feeling that gets triggered, and what do you wish your partner could see in that moment?