Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic with Jon Seidl

"The younger we are when things happen to us and the more serious they are, the stronger the feelings are and the more often those feelings show up.” Those are the words of therapist and author Kimberly Miller, one of the kindest and most genuine people I have ever met. Kim’s work has profoundly shaped not only this podcast, but also my own sobriety journey and ministry. Her book Boundaries for Your Soul—which she co-authored with Dr. Alison Cook (who I've also interviewed)—is one of the most important books I’ve ever read. It shaped the way I think about addiction, healing, sanctification, and the hidden parts of ourselves we often spend years trying to avoid—and gave me words to describe it. There are concepts and phrases in this episode that have become foundational to the work I now do in recovery ministry and discipleship. In this deeply thoughtful and vulnerable conversation, Kim talks about Internal Family Systems (IFS), parts work, trauma, addiction, sanctification, and what it means to invite Jesus into the hidden places of our souls. We explore why so many Christians struggle to understand their own reactions, compulsions, anxieties, and addictions—and why healing requires more than behavior modification. Kim explains how wounded “parts” of ourselves can become stuck in time, carrying shame, fear, loneliness, and pain from earlier experiences. She also unpacks the difference between “manager” parts, “firefighter” parts, and “exiles,” and why curiosity—not shame—is often the first step toward real transformation. But one of the most unexpectedly powerful moments in the episode comes when Kim briefly shares about a season during COVID when she began noticing some uncomfortable patterns in her own life related to alcohol, stress, and coping. The honesty in that moment is striking—not because of scandal or sensationalism, but because it quietly reminds us that no one is immune from developing unhealthy ways of managing pain, exhaustion, loneliness, or emotional discomfort. Even therapists. Even ministry leaders. Even deeply mature Christians. Finally, we wrestle with a profound theological question: If we truly heal, why can’t some of us return to drinking casually? Is that evidence we haven’t done enough work? Or is it simply part of living in a fallen world with particular weaknesses and predispositions? Kim’s answer is nuanced, compassionate, and deeply grounded in both psychology and Christian faith. This episode is about opening the locked rooms of our hearts and allowing Jesus into the places we’ve spent years trying to avoid. Get Boundaries for Your SoulVisit Kim's websiteFollow Kim on Instagram: @kimberlyjunemillerlmftListen to my interview with her co-author, Dr. Alison CookGet Gospel-centered addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.orgFollow me: @jonseidlOrder my new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic We explore: — Why "parts work" and Internal Family Systems is so important in recovery conversations— How wounded parts of ourselves can become “stuck in time” carrying shame, fear, loneliness, and pain from earlier experiences— The difference between “manager,” “firefighter,” and “exile” parts of the soul— Why curiosity and compassion are more transformative than shame and self-condemnation— What it means to invite Jesus into the hidden and wounded places within us— Why many Christians still have parts of themselves that have never fully encountered the healing presence of Christ— How addiction and compulsive behaviors are often connected to escapism and emotional avoidance— Kimberly’s surprisingly honest reflections about stress, coping, and recognizing unhealthy drinking patterns in her own life during COVID— The relationship between childhood wounds, emotional triggers, and adult behaviors— Why sobriety alone is not the same thing as healing or sanctification— How Christian community, prayer, and self-awareness can become tools for deeper healing— Whether some struggles and predispositions are simply part of living in a fallen world until final restoration  Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“The Enneagram was demanding that I look to it first, and only through its lens could I look to God second.” That’s just one of the revelations made by author and Oxford theology student Christina Lynn Wallace. For years, Christina loved the Enneagram—a tool that has become popular in counseling and recovery circles. It helped her understand herself. It gave language to her struggles, her relationships, her emotions, and even her marriage. Like many Christians, she encountered it almost entirely through Christian sources and believed it was simply a helpful tool for self-awareness and spiritual growth. Then her mother asked her a question she couldn’t shake: Have you ever really looked into the origins of it? What followed was months of research that eventually led Christina to publicly walk away from the Enneagram altogether. And there are some shocking findings, including one of the founders admitting to having something or someone take over his body while writing aspects of the framework. In this episode, we have one of the most nuanced and difficult conversations we’ve ever had on the podcast. Christina walks through the documented origins of the Enneagram, including the occultic and spiritual practices tied to several of its foundational figures, and explains why she ultimately came to believe the issue runs deeper than personality theory. At the center of the discussion is a bigger question—one that directly connects to addiction, recovery, identity, and discipleship: What happens when something other than Jesus becomes the lens through which we understand ourselves? This conversation is not about panic, shame, or cheap outrage. In fact, both Christina and I openly acknowledge that many people—including us—have found aspects of the Enneagram helpful. But we also wrestle honestly with the danger of allowing any system, framework, program, or personality tool to become an identity rather than simply a descriptor. As well as believing that our relationship to God is determined by a tool or test. We also discuss the tension Christians often face when dealing with things that may have pagan or occultic roots. Can something be redeemed? What does discernment actually require? And how do we avoid both fear-driven legalism and spiritual naïveté? Whether you agree with every conclusion in this episode or not, this conversation will challenge you to think more deeply about worship, identity, sanctification, and the subtle ways idols can disguise themselves as tools for healing. We explore: — Why Christina originally loved the Enneagram and found it genuinely helpful— The research that caused her to completely reevaluate its origins— The occultic practices connected to several foundational figures behind the Enneagram— Why identity and idolatry became the central issue for her— The similarities between addiction, misplaced worship, and personality-based identity systems— Whether Christians can redeem tools or practices with pagan roots— The difference between using a tool and being shaped by it— How Christians should think about discernment without falling into fear or paranoia— Why so many people in recovery and church culture are drawn to the Enneagram— What repentance and “renouncing” the Enneagram practically looked like for Christina— The danger of filtering your relationship with God through any framework besides Christ— How confession, repentance, prayer, and sacramental practices gave Christina the freedom she had been looking for Read Christina's research: Part 1 and Part 2Christina's Substack: The Battle CryVisit her website and join her writing courseOur podcast episode on The Screwtape LettersGet Gospel-centered addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.orgFollow me: @jonseidlOrder my new book, Confessions of a Christian AlcoholicSupport the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“The only thing that had changed was the object of my worship—I went from worshiping alcohol to worshiping sobriety.” Those are the words of Brett Smith. For years, Brett struggled with alcoholism, eventually finding sobriety through the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. He did everything right. He worked the program. He sponsored other guys. He carried the message. He went to meetings religiously. He even became the self-described “poster boy” for AA and a disciple of the Big Book. From the outside, his life looked great. But something didn’t sit right. As Brett began to pursue Jesus more seriously, he couldn’t shake a growing tension between what he was reading in Scripture and what he was preaching in AA: the language, the framework, the idea of a “higher power”—while it all claimed to be faith-filled, it wasn't really pointing to the true Gospel of Jesus Christ. Eventually, he realized that despite being sober, he hadn’t actually been set free. Instead, he had just swapped addictions and started worshipping sobriety. In this honest conversation, Brett brings a warning that many are hesitant to say out loud: “Sobriety is a good gift—but it’s a terrible savior.” And he unpacks how secular recovery programs—even though they may contain some faith elements and language—can lead people away from the true Gospel, giving them just enough to think they are fine while missing the mark where it matters most. This episode isn’t an attack. Instead, it’s an invitation to more. To go beyond a program. To shoot for Jesus and get sobriety thrown in. To not miss the main thing for a good thing. To get the most flourishing and fulfilled life both now and in eternity. And it comes from someone who nearly missed out on those things because he had settled for sobriety.  Is there a place for AA? For 12 steps? For programs? What is Gospel-centered recovery? Should Christians avoid AA, or can it be helpful? What about Celebrate Recovery? Why is sobriety an insufficient goal? Brett answers those questions and more honestly and compassionately.  If you’ve ever felt like something was missing in your sobriety, if AA or the 12 steps haven't resonated, or if you’re curious about Gospel-centered recovery—this conversation is for you. We explore: — Brett’s journey from early drinking to full-blown alcoholism— His experience with Alcoholics Anonymous and becoming the “poster boy” for the program— Why sobriety alone didn’t resolve the deeper issues in his life— The shift from worshiping alcohol to worshiping recovery itself— His growing tension with the idea of a “higher power”— A biblical look at the 12 steps and their theological framework— Should Christians avoid AA?— What about Celebrate Recovery?— What Gospel-centered recovery actually looks like— Why the ultimate goal is not sobriety but Jesus Reach out to Brett: @basmith444Get Gospel-centered addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.orgFollow me: @jonseidlOrder my new book, Confessions of a Christian AlcoholicSupport the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Welcome to the first ever bonus episode of the Confessions podcast! I'm trying something new, and I'm excited to hear what you think. On this special episode, you’re going to hear me on the other side of the mic—instead of interviewing someone, I'm being interviewed. The interviewer? My good friend Christy Osborne, host of the Love Life Sober podcast. In fact, this is actually taken from an episode of her podcast that we did recently, but I loved it so much that I wanted to share it with you. (By the way, go subscribe to her podcast here. You won't regret it!)   Christy and I met a couple years ago when we were both invited into a community of sobriety writers. Since then, we’ve met every month for encouragement, advice, accountability, and friendship. Over time, it became clear that Christy and I are very aligned in what we believe about recovery, sobriety, and ultimately, Jesus.  In the end, we are both passionate that the goal of recovery can't just be sobriety. Instead, the goal has to be Jesus. When that happens, you get both sobriety and the most flourishing and fulfilled life—both now and in eternity.  In this conversation, you’ll hear us wrestle through that idea together. You’ll also hear me tell my story, but in a slightly different way and context. Finally, you'll get a peek into Christy’s heart, her ministry, and the work she’s doing through her online community. So while this may feel a little different, I think it’s going to be incredibly valuable.Oh, and you'll hear us both talk about something called the Aligned Conference. We are really excited about it! This September, you can join both of us on the Eastern shores of Like Michigan as we do a deep dive into Gospel-centered recovery with some of our closest friends. It's going to be a great time! Just go to alignedconference.org and get your tickets before they sell out. See you there!Help keep this podcast going: Make a tax-deductible donation here Join Christy's Love Life Sober communityOrder Christy’s book, Love Life SoberConnect on Instagram: @lovelifesoberwithchristyGet addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.orgFollow me: @jonseidlOrder my new book, Confessions of a Christian AlcoholicSupport the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“I didn’t want to be sober. I wanted to be free. True freedom is only found in Jesus Christ.” Ian Faulkner looked like he had everything going for him. He grew up in the Church, became one of the top-ranked soccer players in his area, and even played professionally for the Los Angeles Lazers. From the outside, it was the kind of story many people chase: fame, recognition, success, and the promise of more. But underneath it all, something was off. See, soccer wasn’t just something Ian loved, it had become his identity. And when that identity was eventually taken from him through injury, everything underneath it started to surface. The drinking. The drugs. The isolation. The questions he couldn’t answer. “Why am I alone in a hotel room corner weeping? God, why?” In this conversation, Ian walks through the unraveling that followed—from chasing the highs of the world to spiraling into addiction, multiple DUIs, and moments where his life nearly ended. He even opens up about childhood trauma he worked so hard to suppress. But what makes his story so powerful isn’t just how far he fell, it’s what God did in the midst of it. What resulted wasn't sobriety. In fact, Ian came to realize that sobriety was actually quite empty by itself. He wanted more. He needed more. He needed Jesus. And that changed everything. Today, Ian is a pastor leading a growing, Gospel-centered recovery ministry in California called Restoration Recovery. He helps others find the same freedom he was once so desperate for, and lives by a powerful mantra: "When we recover loudly in Christ, we contribute to keeping others from dying quietly without him." His story is a reminder that addiction doesn't follow a neat path, and that recovery is about more than just quitting something. It’s about what—or who—you’re ultimately living for. Help keep this podcast going: Make a tax-deductible donation here We explore: — How success, discipline, and even good things like sports and church can become false identities— Ian’s journey from professional soccer and chasing recognition to addiction and isolation— The role injury played in exposing deeper heart issues and accelerating his downward spiral— Why addiction isn’t about the substance—but about what we’re trying to escape— The moment everything collapsed, including multiple DUIs and near-death experiences— How unresolved trauma, including childhood abuse, shaped his patterns of behavior— The difference between sobriety and true freedom—and why that distinction matters— What full surrender to Jesus actually looked like in Ian’s life— How God used recovery, jail, and brokenness to prepare him for ministry— The origin and meaning behind “recovering loudly” and why it challenges traditional recovery models— How Gospel-centered recovery leads to deeper transformation than behavior modification alone— Why finding your “why” is essential to lasting change and healingFollow Restoration Recovery: @restoratioinrecovery.mhcWatch Restoration Recovery messages hereGet addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.orgFollow me: @jonseidlOrder my new book, Confessions of a Christian AlcoholicSupport the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.