Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic with Jon Seidl

“You think you’re losing your best friend, but you’re gaining the ultimate friend in Jesus.” That’s how JP Graves describes what it felt like to walk away from alcohol. I felt that, too. Alcohol was always there for me no matter what. It told me I was right, it comforted me when I was wrong, and it always made it better—even if “better” was fleeting. When I gave it up, I had to grieve it. So did JP. On the outside, JP looked good. He loved Jesus. He was active in church. He had a career, a family, and a life that seemed normal and intact. But behind the scenes, alcohol had quietly become a constant. What started as freedom slowly turned into dependence. And then it got worse. By the end, JP wasn’t just drinking heavily—he was drinking all day. Vodka replaced beer. Ten drinks became twenty. His throat was so damaged he could barely swallow. He was hiding alcohol, living in deception, and drifting further from his wife and kids. And yet, he was still showing up to church. This episode doesn’t just explore addiction—it exposes the world that I and so many others have come to know: addiction that exists despite knowing and loving Jesus. We talk about the subtle ways church culture can blur the lines, how stress and isolation accelerated his drinking during COVID, and the moment everything finally broke—a heartbreaking story involving JP and his daughter’s baptism. That’s when the truth became unavoidable. What follows is not a story about behavior modification or quick fixes. It’s a story about surrender, confession, community, and what it actually looks like to find freedom—not just from alcohol, but from the deeper need to escape. If you’ve ever felt the tension of loving Jesus while still hiding something, this conversation will hit closer than you expect. Looking for a one-stop recovery resource? Learn more about the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible here. We explore: — How a Christian can love Jesus and still quietly fall into addiction— The impact of church drinking culture and the misuse of Christian freedom— Why some people can’t “just have one” and what that reveals about the heart— How stress, career pressure, and COVID accelerated hidden addiction— The progression from casual drinking to full dependence and physical breakdown— The role of secrecy, deception, and compartmentalization in addiction— What rock bottom actually looked like for JP and the moment everything shifted— Why confession and community are essential to real recovery— The difference between behavior change and true Gospel-centered transformation— What it means to replace alcohol with something better—not just remove it Get resources and help: veritasrecovery.orgFollow me: @jonseidlOrder my new book, Confessions of a Christian AlcoholicGet the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible: https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“It was taking so much more of me than it was giving.” That’s how Heidi Mills describes her relationship with alcohol—and not in a dramatic, rock-bottom kind of way. In fact, that’s what makes her story so relatable. There wasn’t a single moment where everything fell apart. Instead, there was a long, quiet, up-and-down relationship with alcohol that looked normal on the outside but felt increasingly out of alignment on the inside. Heidi is a certified life and relationship coach and the founder of Reclaim and Soul Care 75, where she helps women pursue personal renewal. But for years, she found herself stuck in a cycle that many of us know too well—drifting in and out of drinking, convincing herself it was under control, and silencing the internal whisper that something wasn’t right. In this episode, Heidi shares how alcohol first entered her life as a teenager, how it faded during seasons of early motherhood and a faith awakening, and how it quietly re-entered in her 30s—this time dressed up as “normal” and even reinforced by church culture. In environments where drinking was accepted (sometimes even encouraged behind closed doors) it became easier to justify patterns that were slowly becoming more ingrained. Eventually, though, she began to see clearly that she was in an abusive relationship, not with a person but with a thing called alcohol. And it wasn't adding to her life but quietly taking from it. Looking for a one-stop recovery resource? Learn more about the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible here. We explore: — How Heidi’s relationship with alcohol developed in cycles rather than a single breaking point— The role church drinking culture played in normalizing and reinforcing her habits— How alcohol became a coping mechanism for stress, anxiety, and relational pain— What cognitive dissonance looks like in everyday drinking patterns— How cultural messaging and marketing shape our beliefs about alcohol— Why “it’s under control” is often a warning sign, not reassurance— The moment Heidi began to recognize alcohol as a toxic relationship— What it looks like to slowly unravel the stories we believe about what alcohol does for us— The fear of losing community and connection when stepping away from drinking— How awareness—not willpower—is often the first step toward change— What it means to live in alignment with your convictions instead of numbing them Heidi's article: A Glass Half Empty: Leaving My Most Abusive RelationshipWork with Heidi here.Heidi's Soul Care 75.Heidi's Substack newsletter: In the Waiting RoomFollow me: @jonseidlOrder my new book, Confessions of a Christian AlcoholicGet the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible: https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“Suffering brings you to the end of yourself and you have to decide—do I love the Giver or do I love the gifts the most?” That realization didn’t come easily for Kimberly Phinney. It came after years of chasing the kinds of addictions people rarely call addictions at all—perfectionism, workaholism, people-pleasing, and the relentless drive to prove your worth. And it came after chronic illness stripped away the very things she once used to define herself and led to an unraveling. For Kimberly, that unraveling eventually led to a nervous breakdown in her twenties. But the story didn’t stop there. Years later she was diagnosed with severe stage-four endometriosis. What followed were multiple surgeries, catastrophic complications, sepsis, months of being bedridden, and the long process of learning how to walk again. In a short span of time, the things that once shaped her identity—productivity, professional success, physical strength, reputation—were stripped away. What remained forced her to confront a deeper question: when suffering removes the gifts we’ve relied on, do we still love the Giver? In this episode, Kimberly shares how perfectionism, anxiety, and eating disorders quietly shaped her early life, how chronic illness dismantled the idols she didn’t know she had built, and how suffering became the place where her faith was both tested and deepened. If you’ve ever wrestled with perfectionism, self-reliance, the "shiny" addictions as Kimberly calls them, chronic illness, shame, or the tension between faith and suffering, this conversation is an honest look at what it means to keep trusting God when he's all you have to hold on to. Looking for a one-stop recovery resource? Learn more about the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible here. We explore: — The “shiny addictions” that often hide behind success, including perfectionism, workaholism, people-pleasing, and control— How trauma, anxiety, and identity wounds can quietly build toward a mental health crisis— Why socially acceptable addictions can be just as destructive as substance addictions— The devastating physical toll of severe stage-four endometriosis and chronic illness— What happens when suffering strips away productivity, independence, and reputation— The connection between shame, secrecy, and healing— How chronic illness exposed the idols Kimberly did not realize she had built— Why suffering can deepen faith instead of destroying it— What it means to love the Giver more than the gifts Get Kimberley's books: Of Wings and Dirt and Exalted GroundThe website: The Way Back to OurselvesKimberly's Substack newsletter: My Way BackFollow her on InstagramFollow me: @jonseidlOrder my new book, Confessions of a Christian AlcoholicGet the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible: https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“Everyone has a shame story.” That’s from this week’s guest, Dr. Zoe Shaw. And she’s right. Shame isn’t reserved for the dramatic or the scandalous. It’s universal. It goes back to the garden. It hides deep. And it quietly shapes far more of our behavior than we’d like to admit. Dr. Zoe is a licensed psychotherapist, speaker, and author of Stronger in the Difficult Places: Heal Your Relationship with Yourself by Untangling Complex Shame. Her story has been featured on the OWN Network, and her clinical work focuses on helping people untangle complex shame, break cycles of codependency, and build emotionally healthy relationships rooted in truth instead of hiding. In this episode, we unpack what shame really is, how it forms, and why so many Christians confuse shame with holiness. Zoe shares her story of becoming pregnant at 15, being sent away to give birth in secret, and returning home carrying layers of hidden shame that shaped decades of overachievement, people-pleasing, and self-protection. And if you’ve spent any time in recovery, you know this pattern. Shame doesn’t make you better. It makes you hide. It drives behavior underground. It convinces you that if people really knew you, they wouldn’t love you—and maybe that God wouldn’t either. Zoe explains the difference between guilt and shame, simple shame and complex shame, and why guilt can lead to repentance, but shame leads to isolation. We talk about how complex shame snowballs over time, how overachievement can become a coping strategy, and why external validation doesn’t always dissolve what’s happening internally. We also talk about faith. About bringing your real self—not just your cleaned-up self—to Christ. Because the gospel tells us we are loved despite our flaws and invites us out of hiding. We wrestle with forgiveness—not as minimizing what happened—but as “giving up all hope of a better past.” We talk about codependency, about trying to fix others in order to feel worthy ourselves. And we explore what Zoe calls the “maintenance phase” of healing, where shame still shows up but no longer gets to run the show. If everyone has a shame story, the real question becomes: What are you doing with yours? Are you hiding it? Managing it? Overachieving around it? Or are you bringing it into the light—where Christ has been inviting you the whole time? Looking for a one-stop recovery resource? Learn more about the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible here. We Explore: —The difference between guilt, simple shame, complex shame, and toxic shame—Why shame drives behavior underground instead of transforming it—How complex shame builds in layers over time—The connection between shame and overachievement, self-harm, and addiction patterns—What it means to “deconstruct the blame”—Forgiveness as giving up hope of a different past—The link between shame and codependency—Why fixing others won’t fix you—Healthy vulnerability versus oversharing—What the maintenance phase of healing actually looks like Get Zoe's new book: Stronger in the Difficult PlacesFollow Zoe on InstagramWatch Zoe's story on OWNFollow me: @jonseidlOrder my new book, Confessions of a Christian AlcoholicGet the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible: https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“I feel like I’m seeing colors now that I didn’t know existed.” There should be a study done on how many recovering addicts say this exact thing (or something similar) about colors and their senses. It's what I said after getting sober and pursuing Jesus, and it's what Eddie Brett told me happened to him after he did the same thing.  Eddie is someone who had it all. He had the record deal. The top 10 hit. The Simon Cowell contract. He stood on the stage of Britain’s Got Talent and nearly won the whole thing. From the outside, it looked like momentum and success. But inside, things were unraveling. After getting dropped from his label, the drinking escalated. Nights blurred together. Shame piled up. A drunk-driving incident forced him to sit with a question he’d been avoiding: What if this isn’t just normal partying? What if this is something deeper? In this episode, Eddie opens up about chasing blackouts, losing himself in alcohol culture, and the moment he admitted in a lonely studio, “I’ve actually got a problem.” He talks about what sobriety exposed in him—old wounds, fear of rejection, and a lifelong habit of running—and he shares how faith grew out of his climb toward finding the parts of himself he had numbed away. If you’ve ever felt empty after getting everything you wanted, you'll want to hear Eddie's story. Looking for a one-stop recovery resource? Learn more about the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible here. We Explore: – Fame, record deals, and the identity crisis that followed success– The cultural pressure of British drinking culture and why “I’m fine” is so easy to believe– The drink-driving incident that forced an honest look inward– Writing a song alone in a studio and realizing, “I’ve actually got a problem”– Why early sobriety felt like missing out—and how that shifted– Replacing alcohol with discipline, fitness, and intentional habits– The impact of a 30-year sober church member who radiated joy– How faith reshaped his fashion, language, career decisions, and relationships– Why pursuing Jesus changed more than just his drinking– What it means to “see colors you didn’t know existed” in sobriety Listen to Eddie's new Album: Common KalosFollow Eddie on InstagramFollow me: @jonseidlOrder my new book, Confessions of a Christian AlcoholicGet the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible: https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.