Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic with Jon Seidl

“I didn’t want to be sober. I wanted to be free. True freedom is only found in Jesus Christ.” Ian Faulkner looked like he had everything going for him. He grew up in the Church, became one of the top-ranked soccer players in his area, and even played professionally for the Los Angeles Lazers. From the outside, it was the kind of story many people chase: fame, recognition, success, and the promise of more. But underneath it all, something was off. See, soccer wasn’t just something Ian loved, it had become his identity. And when that identity was eventually taken from him through injury, everything underneath it started to surface. The drinking. The drugs. The isolation. The questions he couldn’t answer. “Why am I alone in a hotel room corner weeping? God, why?” In this conversation, Ian walks through the unraveling that followed—from chasing the highs of the world to spiraling into addiction, multiple DUIs, and moments where his life nearly ended. He even opens up about childhood trauma he worked so hard to suppress. But what makes his story so powerful isn’t just how far he fell, it’s what God did in the midst of it. What resulted wasn't sobriety. In fact, Ian came to realize that sobriety was actually quite empty by itself. He wanted more. He needed more. He needed Jesus. And that changed everything. Today, Ian is a pastor leading a growing, Gospel-centered recovery ministry in California called Restoration Recovery. He helps others find the same freedom he was once so desperate for, and lives by a powerful mantra: "When we recover loudly in Christ, we contribute to keeping others from dying quietly without him." His story is a reminder that addiction doesn't follow a neat path, and that recovery is about more than just quitting something. It’s about what—or who—you’re ultimately living for. Looking for a one-stop recovery resource? Learn more about the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible here. We explore: — How success, discipline, and even good things like sports and church can become false identities— Ian’s journey from professional soccer and chasing recognition to addiction and isolation— The role injury played in exposing deeper heart issues and accelerating his downward spiral— Why addiction isn’t about the substance—but about what we’re trying to escape— The moment everything collapsed, including multiple DUIs and near-death experiences— How unresolved trauma, including childhood abuse, shaped his patterns of behavior— The difference between sobriety and true freedom—and why that distinction matters— What full surrender to Jesus actually looked like in Ian’s life— How God used recovery, jail, and brokenness to prepare him for ministry— The origin and meaning behind “recovering loudly” and why it challenges traditional recovery models— How Gospel-centered recovery leads to deeper transformation than behavior modification alone— Why finding your “why” is essential to lasting change and healingFollow Restoration Recovery: @restoratioinrecovery.mhcWatch Restoration Recovery messages hereGet addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.orgFollow me: @jonseidlOrder my new book, Confessions of a Christian AlcoholicGet the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible: https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“I knew I wasn’t supposed to do it but I didn’t understand why, because it felt like it was helping and I wasn’t hurting anyone.” That’s how modern-day theologian, author, and speaker Brenna Blain describes her addiction. Addictions, really. Because she didn't just develop one. Even after addressing her disordered relationship with alcohol, she went on to develop a similar pattern with cough medicine and stimulants. How? Because like so many of us, she fell into the trap of justifying what she knew wasn't right. During all of that, Brenna wasn’t running from God. She loved Jesus, she was serving in ministry, she was doing the things Christians are supposed to do. And at the same time, she was building patterns and believing lies that didn’t line up with what she believed or who she was called to be. In this episode, Brenna shares her full story with thoughtful and radical vulnerability. From childhood trauma and an ongoing battle with depression and mental health, to a real encounter with God that changed the direction of her life, to the ways addiction and dependency still took root. She also talks openly about her experience with same-sex attraction, how she surrenders that to God, and how that has shaped her reliance on Christ. She also doesn't hold back about how evangelical culture too often encourages silence while struggling, leaving people to navigate their sin on their own, as well as how the Church can become a place where those struggles are brought into the light and met with both truth and grace. This is a conversation about honesty, about sanctification, and about what it really looks like to follow Jesus when things aren’t clean or simple. Looking for a one-stop recovery resource? Learn more about the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible here. We explore: — The subtle ways addiction can form even in the life of a committed Christian— How self-justification keeps people stuck longer than they realize— Why addressing one addiction doesn’t mean the root issue is gone— How Brenna’s struggle shifted from alcohol to other substances— The role childhood trauma and mental health play in shaping patterns— What it looked like for Brenna to encounter God personally— How depression and ongoing mental health struggles intersect with faith— Brenna’s experience with same-sex attraction and surrendering it to Christ— Why evangelical culture often leaves people to struggle in silence— What it looks like for the Church to hold both truth and grace— The difference between behavior change and real transformation— How sanctification actually plays out in everyday life Get Brenna's book: Can I Say That? How Unsafe Questions Lead Us to the Real GodFollow Brenna: @bunonmyheadInvite Brenna to speak hereGet addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.orgFollow me: @jonseidlOrder my new book, Confessions of a Christian AlcoholicGet the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible: https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“I knew all the right things to say about Jesus, but I was living a completely different life when no one was looking.” That’s how Andy describes the reality of leading in the Church while quietly unraveling behind the scenes. Andy wasn’t just a Christian struggling in private—he was a pastor. He was preaching, leading, and helping others follow Jesus, all while hiding a life that didn’t match what people saw. Alcohol had a grip on him, but it didn’t stop there. What began as hidden drinking eventually gave way to deeper compromise, including an affair that would force everything into the light. In this episode, Andy walks through what it’s like to carry that kind of double life—not just the behaviors, but the weight of knowing the truth, teaching the truth, and still living in contradiction to it. There’s the pressure to maintain an image, the isolation that comes with secrecy, and the slow erosion of self that builds until there’s nowhere left to hide. He also brings us through the moment everything came to the light. The moment he thought would destroy him that actually became his door to freedom: his confession. He details what it was like to sit down with his wife and tell her everything—not just the drinking, but the affair. And he’s honest about the fear, the exposure, and the sense that everything he had built was about to collapse. And yet, he's also open about what happened after. The consequences, yes, but also the reality of how God met him and the freedom he experienced as a result of radical vulnerability.  Looking for a one-stop recovery resource? Learn more about the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible here. We explore: — How you can know the truth about Jesus and still live a completely different life in secret— Why hidden addiction thrives in environments where image matters most— The quiet tension of leading spiritually while falling apart privately— How secrecy and isolation don’t just hide addiction—they feed it— Why behavior change alone never touches what’s really driving it— The deeper desires underneath addiction that rarely get addressed— What actually happens when everything finally comes into the light— Why confession feels like the end—but becomes the turning point— The difference between managing sin and being transformed at the root— How the Gospel confronts both what you do and what you love Follow Andy's Podcast on YouTube, Spotify, or AppleGet addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.orgFollow me: @jonseidlOrder my new book, Confessions of a Christian AlcoholicGet the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible: https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“Alcohol is not a kind or fair lover.” That’s how Amy Leigh Wicks describes the relationship that quietly shaped her life for years—one that didn’t always look chaotic from the outside, but was slowly taking more than it ever gave. Amy is a poet, professor, actor, and mom. But long before the PhD, the published poetry books, and the life she has now, there was a different story unfolding beneath the surface. One marked not by obvious addiction, but by a growing pattern she couldn’t fully explain—blackouts that “just happened,” nights that blurred together, and a relationship with alcohol that felt normal… until it wasn’t. In this conversation, Amy shares how alcohol crept into her life—not as rebellion, but as something that promised more. More life. More experience. More feeling. And for a while, it seemed to deliver. But over time, that “more” began to cost her clarity, presence, and ultimately, herself. That realization didn't come after a rock bottom. Instead, it came after a long period of sobriety. Years of it, in fact, where she gave up drinking to prove something—only to find that even while not imbibing alcohol still held a powerful place in her thoughts. That’s when the deeper question surfaced: not “how long can I go without drinking?” but “what kind of relationship is this, really?” What follows is a story not just about sobriety, but about identity. About learning to sit in discomfort instead of numbing it. About discovering that what feels like loss at first can actually be the doorway to a fuller, more integrated life. And ultimately, about a God who meets us not just in our sin, but in our pain, our confusion, and the places we don’t yet understand. If you’ve ever wondered whether your relationship with something—alcohol or otherwise—is quietly shaping more of your life than you realize, this episode will resonate with you. Looking for a one-stop recovery resource? Learn more about the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible here. We explore: — What it actually looks like when alcohol slowly becomes an “abusive relationship”— How blackouts and overdrinking can feel accidental—but reveal a deeper pattern— Why Amy never set out to numb pain, but simply wanted “more life”— The subtle ways alcohol can take more than it gives, even without a dramatic rock bottom— How a three-year “fast” exposed how much control alcohol still had on her mind— The difference between taking a break from drinking and actually changing your relationship with it— Why feeling pain again was uncomfortable—but ultimately necessary for healing— How early church experiences and disillusionment shaped her choices— The role of compassion in looking back on your story without excusing it— What it means to grow up emotionally and spiritually instead of escaping discomfort— Why true recovery is about integration, not just behavior change— How the Gospel speaks not only to sin, but to suffering, trauma, and healing Amy's books: Orange Juice and Rooftops and The Dangerous Country of Love and MarriageAmy's websiteFollow Amy: @amyleighwicksGet addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.orgFollow me: @jonseidlOrder my new book, Confessions of a Christian AlcoholicGet the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible: https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

“Most people don’t actually know who they are. And when you don’t know who you are, you will always live in fear.” What if your struggles with alcohol, food, or whatever else is tripping you up wasn't about the substance as much as it was about something below the surface you never would have put your finger on? Today's guest, Jamie Winship, has a pulse on what that "thing" is better than anyone I know. It's your identity, and Jamie is going to unpack today why our identity is so important not just for uncovering why we struggle, but just as important for figuring out where we go from here. And it all starts with a question: What are you most afraid of?  That question helps uncover your false identity, which is a sneaky lie that too many of us embrace. Jamie is a former police officer, conflict resolution expert, and the author of the book Living Fearless: Exchanging the Lies of the World for the Liberating Truth of God. And while that may not seem like a book about recovery, the truth is it was one of the most important books in my recovery. Because when I started unpacking the core of my issues, I found a lot of fear and identity issues.  That makes sense because, as Jamie surprisingly shares today, he actually struggled with his own alcohol addiction—something I never heard or realized until we started talking, and something he doesn't talk about often.  In this episode, we talk about why identity, how fear becomes the default motivator when identity is unclear, and why so many of us, even as Christians, end up living out of that fear without realizing it. He also walks through the difference between information and revelation, and why hearing truth about God isn’t the same thing as actually believing it at the level where change happens. I worked for almost a year to get Jamie on the podcast, and I can tell you this is one of the most important episodes we've ever recorded. If you’ve ever felt stuck in patterns you can’t explain, or frustrated that knowing the right things hasn’t led to lasting change, this episode will help you see why—and also give you a practical path to true and lasting freedom. Looking for a one-stop recovery resource? Learn more about the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible here. We explore: — What it actually means to not know who you are and how that leads to fear-driven living— How identity confusion sits beneath struggles with alcohol, food, and other addictive patterns— Why fear becomes the default motivator when identity is unclear— The connection between fear, shame, and the behaviors we can’t seem to stop— The one question that exposes what’s really driving you— Why behavior change alone doesn’t lead to lasting transformation— The critical difference between information and revelation in the Christian life— Why hearing truth about God isn’t the same as believing it at a level that changes you— How lies about your identity quietly shape your decisions, relationships, and habits— What it looks like to begin living from truth instead of fear— How Jamie’s framework applies directly to addiction recovery and spiritual growth— Jamie’s personal story of alcohol addiction and how he was confronted about it— Why uncovering your true identity in Christ changes not just what you do, but how you live Jamie's book: Living Fearless: Exchanging the Lies of the World for the Liberating Truth of GodJamie's resources and courses: Identity ExchangeFollow Jamie: @thejamiewinshipGet addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.orgFollow me: @jonseidlOrder my new book, Confessions of a Christian AlcoholicGet the Tyndale Life Recovery Bible: https://hubs.la/Q041HjWm0Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.