This Was Always Me
Global
Recent Episodes
Anthony Kavanagh speaks to Rich Clarke about the hidden cost of becoming Kavana - a 90s pop star forced to hide his sexuality in an industry where being openly gay felt impossible.
From knowing he was gay at 10 to creating a public persona that masked his truth, Anthony reflects on how years of secrecy and self-denial fed a spiral of anxiety, shame, and addiction.
This is a conversation about fame, identity, addiction, and the long journey back to self-acceptance.
Anthony’s memoir Pop Scars is out now.
📱 Follow us on Instagram and TikTok: @alwaysmepodcast
💬 To share your story, email: [email protected]
SUPPORT SERVICES
LGBTQ+ Support
Switchboard – LGBTQ+ Helpline
• A confidential helpline for LGBTQ+ people to talk about sexuality, gender identity, and more.
• Phone: 0800 0119 100
• Website: switchboard.lgbt
Stonewall
• Offers support and resources for LGBTQ+ individuals and their families.
• Website: stonewall.org.uk
Open Table Network
• Phone: 07501753618
• Website: opentable.lgbt
Mental Health & Suicide Prevention
Samaritans
• For anyone in distress, struggling to cope, or at risk of suicide.
• Phone: 116 123 (Free, 24/7)
• Website: samaritans.org
Mind
• Provides advice and support for anyone experiencing a mental health problem.
• Phone: 0300 123 3393
• Website: mind.org.uk
PAPYRUS – Prevention of Young Suicide
• Support for people under 35 experiencing suicidal thoughts, and for those concerned about someone else.
• Phone: 0800 068 41 41
• Website: papyrus-uk.org
Shout
• A free, confidential mental health text support service.
• Text: SHOUT to 85258 (24/7, free text service)
• Website: giveusashout.org
Alcohol support
NHS Alcohol support
• Information about alcohol addiction & where to get support
Bestselling author Julie Cohen speaks to Rich Clarke about coming out as bisexual in her forties, after more than two decades of marriage and a lifetime of quiet questioning.
She reflects on growing up in small-town Maine without the language to understand her feelings, the imposter syndrome that shaped her early experiences of queerness, and how writing became a way to explore the truths she hadn’t yet spoken aloud.
Now living openly, Julie talks about the joy and relief of embracing her identity, and the freedom that came with finally being seen.
Her new thriller, Body Count, is out on 14th August.
📱 Follow us on Instagram and TikTok: @alwaysmepodcast
💬 To share your story, email: [email protected]
SUPPORT SERVICES
LGBTQ+ Support
Switchboard – LGBTQ+ Helpline
• A confidential helpline for LGBTQ+ people to talk about sexuality, gender identity, and more.
• Phone: 0800 0119 100
• Website: switchboard.lgbt
Stonewall
• Offers support and resources for LGBTQ+ individuals and their families.
• Website: stonewall.org.uk
Open Table Network
• Phone: 07501753618
• Website: opentable.lgbt
Mental Health & Suicide Prevention
Samaritans
• For anyone in distress, struggling to cope, or at risk of suicide.
• Phone: 116 123 (Free, 24/7)
• Website: samaritans.org
Mind
• Provides advice and support for anyone experiencing a mental health problem.
• Phone: 0300 123 3393
• Website: mind.org.uk
PAPYRUS – Prevention of Young Suicide
• Support for people under 35 experiencing suicidal thoughts, and for those concerned about someone else.
• Phone: 0800 068 41 41
• Website: papyrus-uk.org
Shout
• A free, confidential mental health text support service.
• Text: SHOUT to 85258 (24/7, free text service)
• Website: giveusashout.org
Zarith speaks to Rich Clarke about surviving violence, secrecy, and state-sanctioned homophobia... and the long road to finding safety in the UK.
Raised in South East Asia, Zarith always knew he was different. But silence felt like the only option in a country where being gay was illegal and the AIDS crisis fuelled fear and stigma. At his elite Islamic boarding school, he was outed, assaulted, and blackmailed by fellow students. Even then, he hid the truth to protect himself and his family.
Years later, as a journalist, he exposed political corruption, putting himself in even greater danger. After a close friend and fellow gay journalist was kidnapped and killed, Zarith fled. He now calls the UK home, having rebuilt his life through the asylum system.... and finally, lives freely.
📱 Follow us on Instagram and TikTok: @alwaysmepodcast
💬 To share your story, email: [email protected]
SUPPORT SERVICES
LGBTQ+ Support
Switchboard – LGBTQ+ Helpline
• A confidential helpline for LGBTQ+ people to talk about sexuality, gender identity, and more.
• Phone: 0800 0119 100
• Website: switchboard.lgbt
Stonewall
• Offers support and resources for LGBTQ+ individuals and their families.
• Website: stonewall.org.uk
Open Table Network
• Phone: 07501753618
• Website: opentable.lgbt
Mental Health & Suicide Prevention
Samaritans
• For anyone in distress, struggling to cope, or at risk of suicide.
• Phone: 116 123 (Free, 24/7)
• Website: samaritans.org
Mind
• Provides advice and support for anyone experiencing a mental health problem.
• Phone: 0300 123 3393
• Website: mind.org.uk
PAPYRUS – Prevention of Young Suicide
• Support for people under 35 experiencing suicidal thoughts, and for those concerned about someone else.
• Phone: 0800 068 41 41
• Website: papyrus-uk.org
Shout
• A free, confidential mental health text support service.
• Text: SHOUT to 85258 (24/7, free text service)
• Website: giveusashout.org
Al speaks to Rich Clarke about growing up feeling different. Not just because he was gay, but because he was half Chinese in a mostly white school, where he was bullied and made to feel like an outsider.
In the shadow of the AIDS crisis, with strict parents and no one to turn to, Al stayed silent. He chose what felt like the “normal” life: marriage, children, and hiding who he really was.
It wasn’t until his 40s, after the death of his mum and a mental health crisis, that Al found the courage to come out and begin again.
📱 Follow us on Instagram and TikTok: @alwaysmepodcast
💬 To share your story, email: [email protected]
SUPPORT SERVICES
LGBTQ+ Support
Switchboard – LGBTQ+ Helpline
• A confidential helpline for LGBTQ+ people to talk about sexuality, gender identity, and more.
• Phone: 0800 0119 100
• Website: switchboard.lgbt
Stonewall
• Offers support and resources for LGBTQ+ individuals and their families.
• Website: stonewall.org.uk
Open Table Network
• Phone: 07501753618
• Website: opentable.lgbt
Mental Health & Suicide Prevention
Samaritans
• For anyone in distress, struggling to cope, or at risk of suicide.
• Phone: 116 123 (Free, 24/7)
• Website: samaritans.org
Mind
• Provides advice and support for anyone experiencing a mental health problem.
• Phone: 0300 123 3393
• Website: mind.org.uk
PAPYRUS – Prevention of Young Suicide
• Support for people under 35 experiencing suicidal thoughts, and for those concerned about someone else.
• Phone: 0800 068 41 41
• Website: papyrus-uk.org
Shout
• A free, confidential mental health text support service.
• Text: SHOUT to 85258 (24/7, free text service)
• Website: giveusashout.org
Josi Clay always knew she was different. But growing up in the 1950s, there were no words for how she felt - only the fear that telling anyone could destroy her future. So she stayed silent.
At 19, Josi joined the Met Police. For 47 years, she served as a respected officer rising through the ranks and hiding a truth that could have ended her career. By the time she was 60, she was living as a woman in every part of her life… except at work.
Josi speaks to Rich Clarke about identity, resilience, and what it means to finally be seen.
📱 Follow us on Instagram and TikTok: @alwaysmepodcast
💬 To share your story, email: [email protected]
SUPPORT SERVICES
LGBTQ+ Support
Switchboard – LGBTQ+ Helpline
• A confidential helpline for LGBTQ+ people to talk about sexuality, gender identity, and more.
• Phone: 0800 0119 100
• Website: switchboard.lgbt
Stonewall
• Offers support and resources for LGBTQ+ individuals and their families.
• Website: stonewall.org.uk
Open Table Network
• Phone: 07501753618
• Website: opentable.lgbt
Mental Health & Suicide Prevention
Samaritans
• For anyone in distress, struggling to cope, or at risk of suicide.
• Phone: 116 123 (Free, 24/7)
• Website: samaritans.org
Mind
• Provides advice and support for anyone experiencing a mental health problem.
• Phone: 0300 123 3393
• Website: mind.org.uk
PAPYRUS – Prevention of Young Suicide
• Support for people under 35 experiencing suicidal thoughts, and for those concerned about someone else.
•Phone: 0800 068 41 41
• Website: papyrus-uk.org
Shout
•A free, confidential mental health text support service.
• Text: SHOUT to 85258 (24/7, free text service)
• Website: giveusashout.org