Office Hours with Arthur Brooks
Arthur Brooks
How to Stop Dating the Wrong Person
JUN 8, 202642 MIN
How to Stop Dating the Wrong Person
JUN 8, 202642 MIN
Description
<p>Finding the right person is hard. Being attracted to the wrong one is just as common.</p><p>In this episode of<em> Office Hours</em>, I explore why some people find themselves stuck in the same dating patterns over and over again, pursuing partners who are unavailable, manipulative, emotionally destructive, or struggling with addiction. I explain why attraction can override good judgment, why certain personality types are especially alluring, and how to learn from past mistakes and create healthier patterns in love.</p><p>This episode focuses on choosing the right person in the first place. If you haven't yet listened to my episode, <a href="https://www.arthurbrooks.com/podcast/3-rules-to-fall-in-love-and-stay-in-love" target="_blank" rel="ugc noopener noreferrer">3 Rules to Fall in Love and Stay in Love</a><strong>, </strong>I recommend it as a companion to this conversation. Together, they offer a roadmap for both finding love and building a lasting relationship.</p><p>—</p><p><strong>Brought to you by:</strong></p><p><strong>• </strong><a href="http://drinklmnt.com/Arthur" target="_blank" rel="ugc noopener noreferrer"><strong>LMNT</strong></a>—A science-backed electrolyte drink mix that helps you feel and perform your best, without sugar, artificial ingredients, or gimmicks. Get a free sample pack at <a href="http://drinklmnt.com/Arthur" target="_blank" rel="ugc noopener noreferrer">DrinkLMNT.com/Arthur</a> </p><p>—</p><p><strong>Where to find Arthur Brooks: </strong></p><p>• Website: <a href="https://arthurbrooks.com/" target="_blank" rel="ugc noopener noreferrer">https://arthurbrooks.com/</a></p><p>• In-person Retreats: <a href="https://retreats.arthurbrooks.com/" target="_blank" rel="ugc noopener noreferrer">https://retreats.arthurbrooks.com/</a> </p><p>• Newsletter: <a href="https://www.arthurbrooks.com/newsletter" target="_blank" rel="ugc noopener noreferrer">https://www.arthurbrooks.com/newsletter</a> </p><p>• X: <a href="https://x.com/arthurbrooks" target="_blank" rel="ugc noopener noreferrer">https://x.com/arthurbrooks</a></p><p>• Instagram: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/arthurcbrooks/" target="_blank" rel="ugc noopener noreferrer">https://www.instagram.com/arthurcbrooks/</a></p><p>• Facebook: <a href="https://www.facebook.com/ArthurBrooks/" target="_blank" rel="ugc noopener noreferrer">https://www.facebook.com/ArthurBrooks/</a></p><p>• YouTube: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGuyFRjJQFGCKzfHTBvWM6A" target="_blank" rel="ugc noopener noreferrer">https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGuyFRjJQFGCKzfHTBvWM6A</a></p><p>• LinkedIn: <a href="https://www.linkedin.com/in/arthur-c-brooks/" target="_blank" rel="ugc noopener noreferrer">https://www.linkedin.com/in/arthur-c-brooks/</a></p><p>• Email: <a href="mailto:[email protected]" target="_blank" rel="ugc noopener noreferrer">[email protected]</a></p><p>—</p><p><strong>Timestamps:</strong></p><p>(00:00) Intro</p><p>(05:19) Why dating feels so difficult</p><p>(06:29) Dating Groundhog Day</p><p>(10:12) Attraction to unavailable people</p><p>(15:25) Substance abuse</p><p>(18:29) The Dark Triad</p><p>(20:56) How the Dark Triad reels you in</p><p>(25:52) Why we ignore red flags</p><p>(27:19) Dating strategy #1: Stop relying on others' judgment</p><p>(28:48) Dating strategy #2: Address your emophilia</p><p>(30:16) Dating strategy #3: Expand your time horizon</p><p>(32:10) Dating strategy #4: Don’t focus on looks and status</p><p>(33:21) Dating strategy #5: Look in the right place</p><p>(35:15) Dating strategy #6: Stop looking for your ex</p><p>(37:29) Dating strategy #7: Stop romanticizing doomed love</p><p>(39:00) Q&A: How to reconcile being on your phone to learn more</p><p>(40:15) Q&A: The value of fun leisure</p><p>—</p><p><strong>Referenced:</strong> </p><p>• <em>The Meaning of Your Life: Finding Purpose in an Age of Emptiness</em>:<a href="http://themeaningofyourlife.com/" target="_blank" rel="ugc noopener noreferrer"> </a><a href="http://themeaningofyourlife.com" target="_blank" rel="ugc noopener noreferrer">themeaningofyourlife.com</a></p><p>• Meaning Membership:<a href="https://hub.arthurbrooks.com/the-meaning-membership" target="_blank" rel="ugc noopener noreferrer"> https://hub.arthurbrooks.com/the-meaning-membership</a> </p><p>• Arthur’s newsletter:<a href="https://www.arthurbrooks.com/newsletter" target="_blank" rel="ugc noopener noreferrer"> https://www.arthurbrooks.com/newsletter</a> </p><p>• The Happiness Scale:<a href="https://learn.arthurbrooks.com/the-happiness-scale" target="_blank" rel="ugc noopener noreferrer"> https://learn.arthurbrooks.com/the-happiness-scale</a> </p><p>• <em>The Pursuit of Happiness with Arthur Brooks</em>:<a href="https://www.thefp.com/s/the-pursuit-of-happiness-with-arthur" target="_blank" rel="ugc noopener noreferrer"> https://www.thefp.com/s/the-pursuit-of-happiness-with-arthur</a></p><p>• Nearly Half of U.S. Adults Say Dating Has Gotten Harder for Most People in the Last 10 Years: <a href="https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2020/08/20/nearly-half-of-u-s-adults-say-dating-has-gotten-harder-for-most-people-in-the-last-10-years" target="_blank" rel="ugc noopener noreferrer">https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2020/08/20/nearly-half-of-u-s-adults-say-dating-has-gotten-harder-for-most-people-in-the-last-10-years</a></p><p>• <em>Groundhog Day</em>: <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0107048" target="_blank" rel="ugc noopener noreferrer">https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0107048</a></p><p>• Mate Choice Copying in Humans: <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26181063/" target="_blank" rel="ugc noopener noreferrer">https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26181063/</a> </p><p>• The ability to judge the romantic interest of others: <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19076319" target="_blank" rel="ugc noopener noreferrer">https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19076319</a><br></p><p>• ...References continued at: <a href="https://www.arthurbrooks.com/office-hours" target="_blank" rel="ugc noopener noreferrer">https://www.arthurbrooks.com/office-hours</a></p><p>—</p><p>Production and marketing by <a href="https://penname.co/" target="_blank" rel="ugc noopener noreferrer">https://penname.co/</a>. </p>