Office Hours with Arthur Brooks
Arthur Brooks
Stop Trying to be Perfect
MAY 11, 202643 MIN
Stop Trying to be Perfect
MAY 11, 202643 MIN
Description
<p>Sometimes, the most insidious thing someone can tell you to make you feel better is the age-old phrase, “but you’re perfect!” While research suggests this may ease emotional pain temporarily, it might actually be holding you back from growth and, consequently, satisfaction.</p><p>In this episode of <em>Office Hours</em>, I explore why we avoid uncomfortable truths when feeling down, and why the better path towards fulfillment is honest self-acceptance—embracing your imperfections, and taking on the challenge to improve.</p><p>—</p><p><strong>Brought to you by:</strong></p><p>• <a href="https://noblemobile.com/arthurbrooks" rel="ugc noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Noble Mobile</strong></a>—With Noble, there is only one plan: The No-Bull Plan. It’s simple. It’s transparent. And if you use less data, you get cash back. Get an exclusive offer at: <a href="https://noblemobile.com/arthurbrooks" rel="ugc noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://noblemobile.com/arthurbrooks</a> </p><p>—</p><p><strong>Where to find Arthur Brooks: </strong></p><p>• Website: <a href="https://arthurbrooks.com/" target="_blank" rel="ugc noopener noreferrer">https://arthurbrooks.com/</a></p><p>• In-person Retreats: <a href="https://retreats.arthurbrooks.com/" rel="ugc noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://retreats.arthurbrooks.com/</a> </p><p>• Newsletter: <a href="https://www.arthurbrooks.com/newsletter" target="_blank" rel="ugc noopener noreferrer">https://www.arthurbrooks.com/newsletter</a> </p><p>• X: <a href="https://x.com/arthurbrooks" target="_blank" rel="ugc noopener noreferrer">https://x.com/arthurbrooks</a></p><p>• Instagram: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/arthurcbrooks/" target="_blank" rel="ugc noopener noreferrer">https://www.instagram.com/arthurcbrooks/</a></p><p>• Facebook: <a href="https://www.facebook.com/ArthurBrooks/" target="_blank" rel="ugc noopener noreferrer">https://www.facebook.com/ArthurBrooks/</a></p><p>• YouTube: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGuyFRjJQFGCKzfHTBvWM6A" target="_blank" rel="ugc noopener noreferrer">https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGuyFRjJQFGCKzfHTBvWM6A</a></p><p>• LinkedIn: <a href="https://www.linkedin.com/in/arthur-c-brooks/" target="_blank" rel="ugc noopener noreferrer">https://www.linkedin.com/in/arthur-c-brooks/</a></p><p>• Email: <a href="mailto:[email protected]" target="_blank" rel="ugc noopener noreferrer">[email protected]</a></p><p>—</p><p><strong>Timestamps:</strong></p><p>(00:00) Intro</p><p>(06:50) The psychology of self-enhancement bias</p><p>(10:39) Who suffers most from self-enhancement bias</p><p>(15:50) Why we protect others with comforting lies</p><p>(17:16) What the research shows about self-enhancement bias</p><p>(22:57) #1: You’re not perfect but you’re normal</p><p>(25:37) #2: Accept yourself</p><p>(27:05) #3: Work to improve</p><p>(30:03) #4: Don’t blame other people</p><p>(32:05) #5: Reframe imperfections as puzzles</p><p>(35:48) Q&A: People pleasing and happiness</p><p>(37:33) Q&A: Finding time for happiness in a busy life</p><p>(39:24) Q&A: Teaching happiness habits to young children</p><p>—</p><p><strong>Referenced:</strong> </p><p>• <em>The Meaning of Your Life: Finding Purpose in an Age of Emptiness</em>:<a href="http://themeaningofyourlife.com/" rel="ugc noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"> </a><a href="http://themeaningofyourlife.com" rel="ugc noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">themeaningofyourlife.com</a></p><p>• Meaning Membership:<a href="https://hub.arthurbrooks.com/the-meaning-membership" rel="ugc noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"> https://hub.arthurbrooks.com/the-meaning-membership</a> </p><p>• The Happiness Scale:<a href="https://learn.arthurbrooks.com/the-happiness-scale" rel="ugc noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"> https://learn.arthurbrooks.com/the-happiness-scale</a> </p><p>• <em>The Pursuit of Happiness with Arthur Brooks</em>:<a href="https://www.thefp.com/s/the-pursuit-of-happiness-with-arthur" rel="ugc noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"> https://www.thefp.com/s/the-pursuit-of-happiness-with-arthur</a></p><p>• <em>I'm OK--You're OK: The Pioneering and Bestselling Self-Help Guide</em>: <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Im-OK-Youre-OK-Thomas-Harris/dp/0060724277" rel="ugc noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.amazon.com/Im-OK-Youre-OK-Thomas-Harris/dp/0060724277</a></p><p>• Taking time seriously. A theory of socioemotional selectivity: <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/10199217" rel="ugc noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/10199217</a></p><p>• Comparative perceptions of driver ability--a confirmation and expansion: <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/3730094" rel="ugc noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/3730094</a></p><p>• The Illusion of Moral Superiority: <a href="https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5641986" rel="ugc noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5641986</a></p><p>• Age and the better‐than‐average effect: <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2011-10557-008" rel="ugc noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2011-10557-008</a></p><p>• The dorsal anterior cingulate cortex is selective for pain: Results from large-scale reverse inference: <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26582792" rel="ugc noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26582792</a></p><p>• ...References continued at: <a href="https://www.arthurbrooks.com/office-hours" target="_blank" rel="ugc noopener noreferrer">https://www.arthurbrooks.com/office-hours</a></p><p>—</p><p>Production and marketing by <a href="https://penname.co/" target="_blank" rel="ugc noopener noreferrer">https://penname.co/</a>. </p>