In this solo episode, Leana comes back from the London Marathon and gets radically honest about where she is right now. She talks about breaking through the wall at mile 17, her complicated history with music and why she gave it up, and the faith dip she has never spoken about publicly until now. This one is less of a structured episode and more of a venting session, and that is exactly what makes it worth listening to. Leana gets into: Running the London Marathon, going numb at mile 17, and why pushing through 26 miles is more of a mental battle than a physical one How setting physical goals trains you to handle the pressure and pain that shows up in real life Her history with music as emotional numbing, the withdrawals she went through when she gave it up, and why she no longer trains with it The honest question she is sitting with: are we filling our lives with noise to avoid the feelings we actually need to face Why she feels distant from faith right now and what it feels like to know the sweetness of closeness to God and then lose it The moment she sat on her prayer mat and just started ranting to God out loud, and why she thinks you should try it too The pressure of growing an audience online while still figuring out who you are as a creator and a host How toxic environments can make you lose yourself without realising it, and why setting boundaries is how you find your way back Why blaming the world for your circumstances keeps you powerless, and how taking ownership hands the control back to you The verse she returns to every time life feels impossible, and what it actually means to find ease inside of hardship "God is not going to put me through something I cannot handle." — Leana Deb TOPICS DISCUSSED (00:00) Intro (00:46) London Marathon Recap (02:11) Marathon Is More Mental Than Physical (04:49) Running for a Purpose Bigger Than Yourself (06:01) My Relationship With Music (08:28) When Music Dependency Becomes a Problem (09:02) Music, Faith & What Religions Say (14:53) Turning to the Quran Instead (18:01) You Can't Have Both in Your Heart (20:36) Finding Balance, Not Extremism (22:15) Feeling Far from Faith Right Now (24:37) Platform Pressure & Locking Back In (27:35) Practical Steps When Struggling with Faith (30:29) When Staying Feels Scarier Than Leaving (31:12) Misalignment & Taking Back Control (34:17) Don't Numb the Pain, Sit in It (36:40) Closing _____ Stay connected with Leana Deeb: Instagram: @leanadeebb / @beinghumannpodcast TikTok: @leanadeeb / @beinghumannpod _____ Thank you to our sponsors!  Visit Carawayhome.com/LEANA to take an additional 10% off using code LEANA on your next purchase Head to cozyearth.com and use my code LEANA for an exclusive 20% off Use code BEINGHUMAN for 20% off at curehydration.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices