The We in Werk

What if “too much” was never an objective description of who you are? In Episode 8 of Wild Child Summer, we enter Phase 3: The Confronting—and begin with one of the most painful labels many people carry: too much. Too loud. Too sensitive. Too needy. Too emotional. Too intense. But the question this episode asks is deceptively simple: Too much for whom? We explore Elaine Aron’s research on sensory processing sensitivity (SPS), a normal trait characterized by deeper processing of sensory and emotional information. People high in SPS may notice subtleties others miss, experience emotions deeply, and become more easily overwhelmed by highly stimulating environments. Research suggests that sensitivity is not inherently a deficit; its effects can depend significantly on the environment in which a person develops. From there, the episode moves beyond individual psychology into culture, relationships, gender, and the expectations that determine whose emotional expression is considered acceptable. Drawing on Carl Rogers’ concept of conditions of worth, we consider what happens when people learn that certain parts of themselves are acceptable only when they are smaller, quieter, easier, or more manageable. The result can be a lifelong project of shrinking—and a form of belonging that depends upon continuing to edit yourself. The episode offers another possibility: perhaps the problem is not an identity problem, but a mismatch problem. Instead of asking, How do I become less?, we can ask: What kind of relationship, environment, or life is large enough to hold this part of me? This Week’s Reflection Write down every “too much” label you can remember receiving. Then ask: Too much for whom? In what context? What expectations were operating? What might this quality look like in a different container? This isn't about turning every difficult quality into a “superpower.” It is about becoming more precise about the difference between who you are and a judgment someone made about you. References: Aron, E. N., Aron, A., & Jagiellowicz, J. (2012). Sensory processing sensitivity: A review in the light of the evolution of biological responsivity. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 16(3), 262–282. https://doi.org/10.1177/1088868311434213 Aron, A., Ketay, S., Hedden, T., Aron, E. N., Markus, H. R., & Gabrieli, J. D. E. (2010). Temperament trait of sensory processing sensitivity moderates cultural differences in neural response. Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, 5(2–3), 219–226. https://doi.org/10.1093/scan/nsq028 Aron, E. N. (1996). The highly sensitive person: How to thrive when the world overwhelms you. Carol Publishing Group. Doyle, G. (2020). Untamed. The Dial Press. Rogers, C. R. (1951). Client-centered therapy: Its current practice, implications, and theory. Houghton Mifflin.

What Lives in the Swallowed Words? What happens to the words we never say? In Episode 7 of Wild Child Summer, we explore the cost of silence—not peaceful silence, but the kind that comes from restraint, self-editing, and the calculation that says not here, not now, not with this person. Drawing on the work of social psychologist James Pennebaker, we examine what happens when thoughts, feelings, and experiences are chronically suppressed. His research on inhibition and expressive writing suggests that giving language to emotionally significant experiences can have measurable psychological and physiological effects. Sometimes, the body registers what the voice does not say. We also explore Sidney Jourard’s work on self-disclosure and the distinction between privacy and concealment. Privacy can be a healthy choice. Concealment requires ongoing management—the active effort of preventing ourselves from being known. Over time, that vigilance can become exhausting. The episode considers what happens in the body when expression is interrupted: the clenched jaw, tight chest, constricted throat, or heaviness that arrives when something wants to be expressed but is held back. We also look at Elisabeth Noelle-Neumann’s spiral of silence, which describes how people may suppress opinions when they fear social isolation. At the heart of the episode is a deceptively simple distinction: There is a difference between being liked and being known. When we continually soften, edit, perform, and pre-approve ourselves for other people’s comfort, we may become very good at being acceptable while becoming increasingly difficult to truly know. And when we have spent long enough managing our expression, we may even lose touch with what we genuinely think and feel. This Week’s Practice Write a letter to someone you haven't been able to speak honestly with. Say everything. Don't soften it for their comfort. Don't edit it for palatability. Say the thing you've been holding. You don't have to send it. The writing itself is the practice: giving language to what has been living inside you without language. Next week begins Phase Three: The Confronting, with one of the season's most emotionally charged questions: What happens when we are terrified of being “too much”? References Jourard, S. M. (1971). Self-disclosure: An experimental analysis of the transparent self. Wiley-Interscience. Noelle-Neumann, E. (1974). The spiral of silence: A theory of public opinion. Journal of Communication, 24(2), 43–51. Pennebaker, J. W. (1997). Writing about emotional experiences as a therapeutic process. Psychological Science, 8(3), 162–166. Pennebaker, J. W., & Beall, S. K. (1986). Confronting a traumatic event: Toward an understanding of inhibition and disease. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 95(3), 274–281.

Learning to Doubt Yourself What happens when we learn, from an early age, that our own bodies cannot be trusted? In Episode 6 of Wild Child Summer, we explore the experience of distrusting sensation—and what it takes to reconnect with the body as a source of information. Drawing on neuroscientist Antonio Damasio’s work, we examine why emotion and decision-making cannot be separated neatly from the body. His research on somatic markers demonstrates how bodily signals contribute essential information to our choices, challenging the idea that rational thought operates independently from physical experience. We then explore interoception: our ability to sense and interpret what is happening inside the body, including hunger, thirst, breathing, heart rate, and muscle tension. When we repeatedly learn to override or dismiss these signals, we can lose access to an important source of information about what we feel and need. How does that disconnection happen? Sometimes through seemingly ordinary messages: You’re not hungry. Stop crying. You’re overreacting. You’re not tired. Over time, external expectations can become more trusted than internal signals. The episode considers what disrupted interoception can look like, including its relevance to emotional awareness and eating disorders, while emphasizing that difficulties connecting with bodily signals can exist across a broader continuum. We also explore somatic approaches to healing, including Somatic Experiencing, and the possibility that a connection lost through repeated experience can gradually be rebuilt through new experiences of safely noticing and receiving bodily information. But reconnection doesn't begin with simply “trusting your gut.” The first step is contact. This Week’s Practice Three times a day, pause for two minutes. Place one hand on your chest and one on your belly and breathe slowly. Ask yourself: What is actually here right now? Not what should be there. Not what is reasonable to feel. What is physically present? Notice the sensations—tightness, warmth, heaviness, ease, or something you cannot name yet. Then remind yourself: This is information. I am allowed to receive it. You don't have to act on it. Not yet. Next week, we turn toward the voice—the words we never said, the truths we swallowed, and what happens when they have nowhere to go. References Craig, A. D. (2002). How do you feel? Interoception: The sense of the physiological condition of the body. Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 3(8), 655–666. https://doi.org/10.1038/nrn894 Damasio, A. R. (1994). Descartes' error: Emotion, reason, and the human brain. Putnam. Levine, P. A. (2010). In an unspoken voice: How the body releases trauma and restores goodness. North Atlantic Books. van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Viking.

The Art of Self-Abandonment What happens when keeping the peace becomes more important than staying connected to yourself? In Episode 5 of Wild Child Summer, we go deeper into self-abandonment—what it looks like, where it comes from, and why it can be so difficult to recognize while we’re doing it. Building on the previous episode’s exploration of conformity, this episode introduces psychotherapist Pete Walker’s concept of the “fawn response”: a trauma-related pattern of seeking safety by becoming agreeable, accommodating, helpful, and attuned to other people’s needs. Rather than fighting, fleeing, or freezing in response to perceived threat, the fawn response attempts to neutralize that threat through compliance and connection. We explore how patterns developed in childhood can follow us into adulthood—even when the situations we encounter are no longer genuinely threatening. Self-abandonment can look deceptively ordinary: saying yes when we mean no, minimizing our needs, over-apologizing, over-explaining, hiding disagreement, managing other people’s emotions, or choosing the response that keeps everyone else comfortable. The episode also examines self-concealment and the potential psychological and physical costs of continually suppressing our thoughts, feelings, needs, and experiences. Research by Larson and Chastain found that self-concealment was associated with anxiety, depression, and physical symptoms. James Pennebaker’s work on emotional inhibition and disclosure provides another lens for understanding what can happen when we continually keep difficult experiences inside. But this episode isn't about never compromising, never staying quiet, or saying everything we think. Sometimes choosing not to engage is a healthy and intentional decision. The deeper question is: Is it a choice—or is it a pattern? This Week’s Practice For five days, notice moments when you: Feel something but decide not to say it. Have a need but choose not to voice it. Say yes when you mean no. Automatically prioritize someone else’s emotional state. Choose the “safer” response instead of your genuine one. Notice what happens in your body and what you tell yourself in those moments. You don't have to change anything yet. Awareness is the first movement. You cannot change a pattern you cannot see. References Larson, D. G., & Chastain, R. L. (1990). Self-concealment: Conceptualization, measurement, and health implications. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 9(4), 439–455. https://doi.org/10.1521/jscp.1990.9.4.439 Pennebaker, J. W. (1990). Opening up: The healing power of confiding in others. W. Morrow. Walker, P. (2013). Complex PTSD: From surviving to thriving: A guide and map for recovering from childhood trauma. Azure Coyote.

What does it mean to Behave? What happens when the instruction to “behave” becomes more than a childhood reminder—and starts shaping who we believe we’re allowed to be? In Episode 4 of Wild Child Summer, we enter Phase Two: The Unlearning, taking a closer look at one of the earliest and most powerful forms of conditioning: conformity. Drawing on the work of Stanley Milgram, Robert Cialdini, and Solomon Asch, this episode explores why humans are deeply influenced by authority, social expectations, and the desire to belong. Milgram’s research on obedience demonstrates the power of situational authority, while Asch’s conformity experiments reveal how social pressure can influence even our perception of what we can plainly see. The episode then asks what happens when “behaving” becomes an invisible curriculum—particularly for girls and women. We explore how expectations around compliance, agreeableness, emotional management, and deference can follow us from childhood into our relationships, families, and workplaces. We also revisit the concept of emotional labor, first developed by sociologist Arlie Russell Hochschild, and consider how managing our emotions—and the emotions of others—can become so habitual that it feels like personality rather than work. But this episode isn't an argument against conformity altogether. Adapting our behaviour to different situations can be an important part of social competence and caring for others. Instead, we ask a more personal question: At what point does conformity cost you access to yourself? This Week’s Invitation Choose one context—a workplace, relationship, or social group—and simply notice how you behave there. Ask yourself: What do I say “yes” to when I privately mean “no”? What do I keep quiet? What am I performing? What does compliance feel like in my body? Where am I managing someone else’s comfort at the expense of my own? There is no need to judge or immediately change anything. Visibility comes first. Before we can consciously choose whether to conform, we need to recognize when we are doing it. References Asch, S. E. (1956). Studies of independence and conformity: I. A minority of one against a unanimous majority. Psychological Monographs: General and Applied, 70(9), 1–70. Hochschild, A. R. (1983). The managed heart: Commercialization of human feeling. University of California Press. Milgram, S. (1974). Obedience to authority: An experimental view. Harper & Row.