The Kevin Miller Podcast

You’ve likely heard the parable of two brothers with an alcoholic dad. One brother becomes an alcoholic, blaming his father and stating, "What else could I do?” While the other brother becomes a teetotaler, blaming his father and stating, "I watched my dad, and don’t want to end up like him.” We all have things that happen in our lives, and we create a story about it, based around a perspective we think is true. We attach meaning, and we believe it. Even though we often change our perspective later. What would it be like if we questioned our perspective to begin with? A few years ago I sat down with Kindra Hall to discuss this. Kindra is a Wall Street Journal best-selling author, international speaker, and the former Chief Storytelling Officer of SUCCESS Magazine. She wrote a book titled, Choose Your Story, Change Your Life: Silence Your Inner Critic and Rewrite Your Life from the Inside Out, which was my muse for our conversation. As you’re about to hear, this isn’t some Pollyanna positivity motivation. The point is to reveal how we are not writing about facts, but perspectives, and if we accept this, we can free ourselves. Find Kindra’s book anywhere and connect with her at kindrahall.com. Sign up for your $1/month trial period at shopify.com/kevin Go to shipstation.com and use code KEVIN to start your free trial. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode we talk a lot about running. But I want to expand it to all of you who spend a good amount of time outside in the elements. This isn’t a discussion to should on anyone, but just to share the value we’ve found in going outside, year around, braving the elements and the discomforts of our own bodies. What we gain, what we learn. So if you ride a bike, hike, swim, even walk, I think you’ll resonate with this discussion and possibly expand your joy in getting outside. My guest is Nicholas Thompson, well known as CEO of The Atlantic, an American magazine founded in 1857, which earned the top honor for magazines, General Excellence, at the National Magazine Awards in both 2022 and 2023. I’ve had multiple writers for The Atlantic on this podcast, such as Arthur Brooks and Charles Duhigg, both of whom have appeared here twice. Before joining The Atlantic, Nick was the editor-in-chief of Wired magazine and a contributor for CBS News. Nick has long been a competitive runner and in 2021, he set the American record for men 45+ in the 50K race. Nick just came out with a new book, The Running Ground: A Father, a Son, and the Simplest of Sports. In it, Nick shares his relationship with running, pushing himself, overcoming a challenging father, the death of his father, his own bout with cancer, dealing with obsessions, and why in the hiring process he looks for people’s ability to suffer for an end goal. I took the opportunity to commiserate with Nicholas on the joys of our devotion to going outside pretty much every day, to exert ourselves, and how the effort gives us a different experience of life. I think more so in today’s culture than ever where we tend to both stay inside more, and avoid any discomforts more. Again, I think those of you who do such things will find this talk confirming, and for those of you who don’t, I hope it will give more breadth to your thoughts about getting out and getting your heart rate up. Sign up for your $1/month trial period at shopify.com/kevin Go to shipstation.com and use code KEVIN to start your free trial. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today’s culture I feel we have conflated beliefs with facts. I view us as a culture at war with our perspectives. We are seldom arguing about literal facts. Look at the news headlines, social media, and any reporting entity and you find great polarization and emotion around issues. And what is generally being debated is again, not fact, but belief. Belief we grow to thinking is actually fact, even when it can’t be. Why? My guest cites how we so often attach our beliefs to our identity. Then if the belief is questioned, your very identity is being questioned. Think about this. Have you ever heard someone say, “I tend to vote for Democrats, I align with a Catholic faith, I eat vegan, and I run a lot for exercise.” No. Listen to how we say it; “I’m a democrat, I’m a Catholic, I’m a vegan, and I’m a runner.” I am. It’s not my belief, it’s who I am. So let’s talk about what this is doing to us. My guest is cognitive scientist Andy Norman. Or let me rephrase that. My guest is Andy Norman who works as lot in cognitive science. Andy is an award-winning author of Mental Immunity: Infectious Ideas, Mind-Parasites, and the Search for a Better Way to Think. His research is on the emerging science of mental immunity as the antidote to disinformation, propaganda, hate, and division. Andy strives to help people develop immunity to bad ideas. As you’ll hear, my focus is really on the harm we do to ourselves and others when we are so rigid in our beliefs we won’t consider anyone who differs. As I already mentioned, Andy showcases how many, if not most of our beliefs, are more tied to our self-image than truth, and how this hurts us and everyone else. It’s ok to have strong beliefs, but if you feel strong in them and it’s not just to support your personal bias, then wouldn’t you be strong enough to allow someone to explain their differing beliefs and actually seek to understand them? My interest is around connection and peace instead of the conflict we continually see in our culture. Andy directs the Humanism Initiative at Carnegie Mellon University and you can find him at andynorman.org. Sign up for your $1/month trial period at shopify.com/kevin Go to shipstation.com and use code KEVIN to start your free trial. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Surveys show there are more people in therapy than ever. On one hand I feel there is more benefit in talking with someone than not. And on the other hand I’m concerned whether all the therapy is paying off. Statistically, mental health continues on a decline. So when I heard about SFBT therapy, I intrigued myself. SFBT is Solution-Focused Brief Therapy, defined as a goal-oriented, short-term approach that focuses on identifying a client's strengths and resources to find solutions to their problems, rather than dwelling on the problems themselves. My guest today is one of the foremost experts on Solution-Focused Brief Therapy. Elliott Connie is a respected author, top psychotherapist, and thought leader in Solution-Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT), takes a fresh approach. He has a book, Change Your Questions, Change Your Future: Overcome Challenges and Create a New Vision for Your Life Using the Principles of Solution-Focused Brief Therapy. In his book, Elliott challenges readers to rethink their questions and the thinking behind them, and I resonate with the concepts very much. The idea is using powerful, forward-focused questions that are designed to help you shift your mindset and create meaningful change. The highlights for me were the realization of how much more powerful it is when we think for ourselves and ask questions, rather than be told something. When we are told something by someone else, we can often push back against it. When we consider and come up with an answer to a question ourselves, we listen. We also got deep into the power of knowing and living in accordance with our core values. But not the “big picture core values,” as Elliott points out. We tend to think of beliefs and morality, but where he finds it most powerful is in the day to day values that actually support who we are and want to be. Elliott’s book, Change Your Questions, Change Your Future, is available now, and you can connect with him and SFBT at elliottconnie.com Sign up for your $1/month trial period at shopify.com/kevin Go to shipstation.com and use code KEVIN to start your free trial. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In 2022 I was deep into therapy regarding my marriage and myself. My counselor at the time recommended a book, “​​I Don't Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression,” by a therapist named Terry Real. I read the book and opened up a whole new level of understanding about myself. Terry then released a book titled US: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship, which my therapist also recommended. Shortly after I was contacted by an agency about having Terry on this podcast. He was being touted as actress Gwyneth Paltrow’s favorite relational therapist and was being praised by actor Bradley Cooper, psychotherapist Esther Perel, and the forward to the book is a candid, vulnerable story from Bruce Springsteen where he shares, “At age thirty two I hit an emotional wall and realized I was lost in a deep dark forest, largely of my own making, without a map. So began forty years of trying to find my way through the shadowed trees, down to the river of a sustaining life. Terry Real has been a guide and this book is a map through those trees.” For me the book revealed much about how I perceived a separateness in my relationships that was not helping create connection and intimacy. In Us, Terry showcases how we culturally live as “you and me” when the bedrock of our being is us. I agree. Find Terry at terryreal.com. Sign up for your $1/month trial period at shopify.com/kevin Go to shipstation.com and use code KEVIN to start your free trial. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices