Welcome to the You Look Nice Today® Scat Immersion Program™. No dogs, babies, or squares allowed. In preparation for your first day on campus, please learn these key phrases, as they represent your final connection with your native tongue: SCAT: Gom zibby, glom zibby, bop zibby domp! ENGLISH: Please, do not raise your voice; I have a terrific heroin headache. SCAT: Bomp ZEE bop! Spoo-da-lee BEE zot? ENGLISH: Has this pepper spray you’re selling me been “stepped on?” SCAT: Babe sop potta womp, bum bop zee bop! ENGLISH: Your newborn baby is as uninteresting to me as the baking soda pabulum that’s currently passing for heroin. SCAT: Bomp…zeep…bomp. ENGLISH: Ha! I’ve once again taken heroin and fallen asleep whilst driving! SCAT: Stomp dee-domp, stomp dee-domp, squeep bomp—DEE bomp? ENGLISH: Have you a spare behavior modification helmet and some heroin? SCAT: Salt PEE nutz! ENGLISH: This uncut heroin you’ve provided strikes me as both deadly and affordable.