Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura

Presale tickets for Toms new tour Preposterous go live September 30th at 10am. Make sure to get yours over at https://tomsegura.com/tour and use code: TOMMY Salt Lake City Pootah, the Main Mommy herself will be in you on October 9th and 10th at Wiseguys Comedy Club! Make sure to get your tickets at https://christinap.com/pages/tour-dates SPONSORS: New DraftKings customers, sign up with code MOM, spend five bucks to get $150 in rewards within 14 days - includes all markets. Visit https://www.sleep.ME/ymh and never sleep too hot again. Sign up for your free trial at https://shopify.com/ymh Sup, chomos! Christina holds down the Mommy Dome this week with fellow San Fernando Valley girl Sara Weinshenk, and the two have officially traded lives: Christina's the single mom now, and Sara is three years into dating a single dad with two little boys and packing up for Austin. They kick off the hot-tip swap with an Opening Clip of Cardi B laying down the law on never pooping at a new man's house, which spirals into emergency dumps at Taco Bell, a guy in the room who takes 20-second shits with no phone, and whether breaking the fart seal is the real romance killer. From there it's mommy juice, Prozac princesses, the all-girls Catholic high school they both went to, exchange day at the boys' school, and Sara confesses to $200 of abundance candles, psychic Zooms, and moon manifesting in Topanga, and the two agree that playing it cold is the only way to date. Plus: celebrity news with Sandy B, M. Night Shyamalan's new YouTube channel where he flips through his leather-bound journal ("I had to fire a 13-year-old today") and reads his one-line 9/11 entry, a dental floss chili dog in a thermos, vending-machine chimichangas, Texas school shanks, a man who kisses his birds goodnight, and a couple who keeps monkeys in diapers, a buffalo, and a capybara. Enjoy! Your Mom’s House Ep. 879 https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://christinap.com/https://store.ymhstudios.comhttps://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER, 1-800-MYRESET. Connecticut: call 888-789-7777, visit https://CCPG.org. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino in Kansas. Bet tax pass-through may apply in Illinois. 21+. Void in Canada. Bet with DraftKings Sportsbook to get Bonus bets that expire in 7 days OR Trade with DraftKings Predictions to get Predictions Dollars that expire in 1 year. Event contract trading involves risk of loss. Predictions offer void in New York. Non-withdrawable Rewards issued as $50 click-to-claims every 7 days for 14 days. Terms at https://dkng.co/offer. Limited time offer. Nationwide based on Sportsbook, Predictions, and Free-to-Play Sports Contest availability. Varies by State. Chapters00:00:00 - Intro00:03:37 - Opening Clip: Cardi B's Dating Rules00:14:29 - The No-Pooping Rule & Taco Bell Emergencies00:21:10 - Breaking The Fart Seal & Single Dads Who Cook00:25:58 - Playing It Cold & The Parking Lot Pisser00:31:01 - Heartbroken White Women & The Witch Doctor Store00:37:50 - Sandy B & M. Night Shyamalan's YouTube Diary00:50:20 - Christina's Curations00:56:16 - Smash Or Pass & Moving To Texas01:03:28 - Bird Kissers, Malibu Pigs, & Monkeys In Diapers01:10:11 - Fake Shower Couples, Male Model Boyfriends, & Wrap01:13:49 - Closing Song - "Cool Girl Club" by Versace Kolache Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Salt Lake City Pootah, the Main Mommy herself will be in you on October 9th and 10th as Wiseguys comedy club! Make sure to get your tickets at https://christinap.com/pages/tour-dates SPONSORS: Get out there and enjoy the outdoors with Mountain Dew. An American Original. Tasting Great Since ’48. Look for Mountain Dew in stores near you. Join Wayfair Rewards today and get five percent back on every purchase. Head to https://Wayfair.com or shop the Wayfair app for all things home. Get $80 off your first month with promo code SPACE80 at https://Talkspace.com Christina P holds down the Mommy Dome with H. Foley and Kevin Ryan of Are You Garbage, and the boys show up ready to smoke indoors. Christina gives a full status report on the divorce diet, back on heaters after twenty years, white wine in the pool, sparkling rosé on weekends, one thin-crust Domino's Supreme a day, then demands to know if she's still the reigning Garbage Queen or if Jordan Jensen has taken the belt.From there: the locked drawer of Marlboro Lights with American Spirits on backup, the $228 Walmart pool that ruined a surgeon's view, whether a bedroom water cooler and coffee machine makes you Winston Churchill or a dirtbag, nugget supremacy, wasting good cheese on a burger, the correct way to bag groceries (eggs on the bottom, they build a perfect base), pickling every vegetable in the house, and Christina's $100,000 cat paintings, including a portrait of naked Tom Segura wrestling a bear.Then a full watch-along of M. Night Shyamalan's brand-new YouTube channel, where a man with thirty years of movies takes "a risk" by sitting on a bench next to a tree he planted for his dead dad. This leads directly into kids having taser fights under a bridge, Jackass, Johnny Knoxville, and why nobody in Hollywood ever tells anyone their idea sucks.TikTok Curations: the watermelon puncher, the outfit-of-the-day pervert, the man who cracks walnuts with his fingertips, and a kid crawling under a bathroom stall while a man is actively taking a shit. Plus: the Zac Efron DM remains unanswered, the Batwing, burping the alphabet until you puke, Kevin's $200,000 Hawaii cliffside wedding with a ten-minute set in the vows, and the correct way to reheat a slice. Your Mom’s House Ep. 878 https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://christinap.com/https://store.ymhstudios.comhttps://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Chapters00:00:00 - Intro00:00:12 - The Are You Garbage Boys Tackle The Divorce Diet00:08:38 - Is Christina Still The Reigning Garbage Queen?00:15:05 - Opening Clip: Nuggets You've Never Heard Of00:16:43 - Walmart Above-Ground Pool00:19:11 - Nugget Rankings & Wasting Good Cheese00:22:40 - Randall's Takes & Pickling Everything00:27:08 - M. Night Shyamalan's Cool YouTube Channel00:34:08 - Taser Fights Under The Bridge00:36:46 - Jackass, Co-Parenting, & Heater Hypnotist00:44:09 - Christina's TikTok Curations00:48:34 - DM-ing Zac Efron & Naked Bear Art00:54:05 - Back To The Toks01:03:55 - Pizza Hack01:06:49 - Indian Content Corner01:08:49 - Wrap Up01:09:59 - Closing Song - "I'm Taking a Shit Homie" by Ramsay McQueen Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

SPONSORS: -Go to https://helixsleep.com/ymh for 27% Off Sitewide — Exclusive for listeners of Your Mom's House. -For simple, online access to personalized and affordable care for Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit https://hims.com/YMH for your free online visit. -Get out there and enjoy the outdoors with Mountain Dew. An American Original. Tasting Great Since ’48. Look for Mountain Dew in stores near you. Mom's back! This week, Christina's holding down the Mommy Dome with your fav stepdad Duncan Trussell, and she opens with a status report: off the Domino's, back on vegetables and hydroponic lettuce, cat art again. Duncan informs her she's accidentally enlisted in the war against hedonism, and they go straight into the void, plant medicine vs. getting fucked up for fun, starting a spiritual practice as an act of aggression against yourself, and Duncan's three theories of what happens when you die, including the one that terrifies him most: blinking into a stranger's midlife as a cab driver in New York, forever. They also pull up the Heaven's Gate doc and rank it the most disappointing cult in history, and Duncan mounts a full defense of the stability of all men. Christine's got some wild curations including a man harvesting tree bark with his teeth, a Lake Tahoe hippie who trades meditation classes for a room, a guy who wants $100 and your car for his DMV test, and a woman who is furious that you think her rabbit is Winnie the Pooh. Then Christina admits she met Zac Efron in the Mothership green room, Duncan diagnoses the only viable strategy, and she composes and sends him a message live on the show. Plus: an AI girlfriend for a man with dementia, whacking material in Airplane!, the dead panther chameleon and the $400 robot duck replacing him, which animal Christina's face actually is, a Hungarian guy to screen her calls, why no man is meeting her kids until they're 18, and a waxing video that takes the mustache with it. Enjoy! Your Mom’s House Ep. 877 https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://christinap.com/https://store.ymhstudios.comhttps://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:00:40 - The War On Hedonism 00:06:04 - Self-Help & AI Girlfriends 00:17:54 - Opening Clip: Get Ahold Of Me, Please 00:22:48 - Three Theories Of What Happens When You Die 00:28:30 - Heaven's Gate: The Most Disappointing Cult 00:35:33 - Duncan Defends All Men & The Gym Guy Conspiracy 00:41:52 - Garden Hermits 00:44:32 - Horny For News Anchors 00:49:32 - Christina Messages Zac Efron 00:55:20 - Eating Dicks In London & Page Six 01:05:53 - Christina's Curations 01:09:33 - Cool Robot Duck 01:14:25 - More TikToks 01:23:33 - Wrap Up 01:24:49 - Closing Song - "Fartin" by Terry Nova Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

See Caitlin on tour by going to https://www.caitlinpeluffo.com for tickets and check out her special Prosciutto Rose on YouTube SPONSORS: New DraftKings customers, sign up with code MOM spend five bucks to get $200 in rewards within 21 days - includes all markets. Right now, when you buy two months of BlueChew Gold, you get the third for FREE with promo code YMH. https://bluechew.com Sign up for your free trial at https://shopify.com/ymh Tom's holding down the Mommy Dome this week with comedian Caitlin Peluffo, fresh off the Funny AF finals and out on the road with a brand new hour. She explains why a comedy competition full of fifteen-year veterans hit harder than any late night set, why stand up is infinitely harder than making a movie, and how the whole thing got her out of debt. Then Tom finds out she's single and decides to fix it, spending the rest of the episode presenting her with some eligible bachelors pulled straight from the cool guy pile: a man doing bathroom talk about Pepsi, a suitor who will beat up anyone who interrupts a conversation with a laptop, a Vancouver man out of smokes, an apple pie enthusiast, a flat earther explaining how GPS works, and a devoted gentleman leaving Julia good morning voicemails. Along the way Caitlin admits she bit a wart off her own finger, Tom delivers a passionate PSA about going into credit card debt for teeth and getting your skin tags removed for the rest of us, and the two of them dissect M. Night Shyamalan's cringe YouTube launch on his sad little bench and how it's not that dissimilar from the all-time original, Garth Brooks joining Facebook. Plus: Horrible or Hilarious with an old man scooting into a pool, a lightning strike survivor apologizing on a stranger's porch, and an arm snapping in a pub. We also get a long overdue cool guy update on Tony Johns, who is making history from the Cayuga County jailhouse. Enjoy! Your Mom’s House Ep. 876 https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://christinap.com/https://store.ymhstudios.comhttps://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER, 1-800-MYRESET. Connecticut: call 888-789-7777, visit https://CCPG.org. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino in Kansas. Bet tax pass-through may apply in Illinois. 21+. Void in Canada. Bet with DraftKings Sportsbook to get Bonus bets that expire in seven days OR Trade with DraftKings Predictions to get Predictions Dollars that expire in one year. Event contract trading involves risk of loss. Predictions offer void in New York. Non-withdrawable Rewards issued as $50 click-to-claims every seven days for 21 days. Terms at https://dkng.co/offer. Limited time offer. Nationwide based on Sportsbook, Predictions, and Free-to-Play Sports Contest availability. Varies by State. Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:00:15 - Caitlin Peluffo Killed At The Funny AF Finals 00:08:56 - Opening Clip: Why Do You Feel Better On A Friday? 00:14:46 - Go Into Debt For Teeth & A Skin Tag PSA 00:21:41 - Wild Girls: The Double Felony Hit And Run 00:27:24 - More Cool Suitors 00:31:43 - Bengals, 49ers & Josh Allen's Wholesome Smile 00:35:36 - M. Night Shyamalan Joins YouTube 00:43:47 - Horrible Or Hilarious 00:55:53 - Horse On Desk & GPS Guy 00:59:39 - Oh I'll Make Ya Come 01:01:36 - Looking For Girls 01:02:35 - Unk Shine 01:04:52 - Good Morning Julia 01:07:18 - A Message From Tony Johns 01:10:24 - Caitlin Picks A Suitor 01:14:24 - Wrap Up 01:15:09 - Closing Song - "Good Morning Julia" by Gaping Dad Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

SPONSORS: Right now, when you buy two months of BlueChew Gold, you get the third for FREE with promo code YMH. https://bluechew.com Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers, or go to https://Quince.com/MOM. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK, too. Sign up for your free trial at https://shopify.com/ymh Tom is off this week, so Christina is joined by the one and only Ian Fidance, host of Ian Do on YouTube, on the road every week for the rest of the year, tickets at https://IanFidance.com. Ian arrives with flowers and a full divorce care package to usher Christina into the dating world, which leads to a conversation about the sleazebag starter kit he should be selling on tour, the darts she's allowed to rip now, and the gout-into-kidney-stones saga that put Ian on a Montreal hotel floor an hour before a taping. Then it's clip time: the horny cowboy is back with tips nobody asked for, a long-overdue update on Tony Johns and his homeless era, the whistling man who has genuinely figured out life, and a piss gadget that raises real questions. Ian pitches the only logical next step, move every cool guy into one house, with Christina as the RA handing out chores and taking away privileges. Also: a spy explains how important mouth stuff is in espionage, Christina finds out what dating requires in 2026 versus 2005, the suitor hotline delivers three voicemails and one very promising mechanic named Chris, Ian gets choke slammed at AEW, and a QVC host says something beautiful without realizing it. Enjoy! Your Mom’s House Ep. 875 https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://christinap.com/https://store.ymhstudios.comhttps://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro00:02:01 - The Divorce Care Package00:04:41 - Ian's Gout Turned Into Kidney Stones00:07:54 - Opening Clip: The Horny Cowboy Rides Again00:15:08 - Tony Johns Update00:21:37 - Ralph The Whistler Update00:26:25 - Clip: Pissing Gadget00:27:01 - The YMH Cool Guy House00:30:51 - Clip: Russian Spy Tips00:36:30 - The Horny Hotline00:43:32 - Ian Do00:44:31 - TikToks00:49:35 - Wrap Up Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices