The John Dredge Nothing To Do With Anything Show

It's the last episode of this hugely inflatable series, which can only mean one thing: yes, it's the last episode of the series. Or is it? Yes, it is. And we end it all in style with a whole host of famous guests flown in from all over Melton Mowbray. But where are Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Grumpy, Grover and Muriel? Who is the mysterious 'Frank Muir?' And why is Planet Skaro closed for repair? Find out in this, the Year of the Mahogany Sideboard. And whatever the conclusion, we hope you've enjoyed whatever this has been. Thank you for your time and effort. And do remember to keep 'em peeled. They taste awful with the skin left on.

Well done for making it to Episode Five, where we count our chickens both before and after the return of agricultural icon Farmer Collins, just for good measure. Ralph Ploojagig doesn't make an appearance this week - or any other week, for that matter - but perhaps Sunday Brunch will take him under their wing and give him some hot broth or both. Also, part of this week's programme will be in color... but which one? And can you find the missing U in 'color'? Write it in the margin of your Radio Times before you start listening and you too could win a signed super deluxe edition of Larry the Lamb Lies Down on Broadway in this, the Year of the Aardvark.

This week John looks at the rising problem of cellophane. He also meets a man in the street who takes a dim view of electricity, along with a porcupine called Ronald who emits squeaking noises (the two may be related). Plus catch up with the show's free-falling producer Richard Cray as he spends a welcome break in hospital. Why not send him hard-boiled eggs or nuts, or some such? (The two may be related.) Yes, it's all here - but why? And should it really be somewhere else? Find out, if you can, in this, the Year of the Plinth.

Today's low, low budget episode is brought to you by Kludge, which now comes in a handy three-ounce tin. On the 'show', for want of a more apposite description, you'll hear details of how to join our fan club, which proudly boasts over three members, many of them still alive. We welcome David Lynch as himself, sadly, and there is entertainment of an unusual nature when Harold the Mad Pianist emerges from a vat of soup to play for both King and country in this, the Year of the Mungbean.

In this week's slightly concave episode, John stumbles on the secret of life but loses it again during a particularly dramatic game of Buckaroo, and a man who lives on top of your TV set becomes embroiled in string. In the words of Twig Harper, never ever ever ever EVER forget that, whatever this programme contains, standards will be upheld in this, the Year of the Cube.