THE BALLER LIFESTYLE PODCAST — EPISODE 603 Hosted by: Brian Beckner & Ed Daly Support the show: patreon.com/theballerlifestylepodcast FULL SHOW NOTES (APPLE PODCAST COMPREHENSIVE EDITION) Cold Open / Welcome Back Brian returns with Episode 603 of TBLS and immediately shouts out the Patreon crew—home of Bonus Bri, emotional sobriety updates, and all the private crying he refuses to do in public. Ed Daly joins and promptly delivers breaking news about an NFL player suspended for watching porn in a team meeting… at full volume. Chaos ensues. Thanksgiving Recap & Tea Talk Brian discovers green tea and is suddenly a Tea Guy. Ed forgets his tea entirely and feels betrayed. Listener debate begins: Should grown adults realistically be drinking gravy more than once a year? (The answer is apparently controversial.) ️ Woke Up Gay Again Mug Saga Brian receives a custom “Woke Up Gay Again” mug—plus his very own “gay card”—leading to: His daughter roasting him into dust. White pants discourse. Questions about whether the mug should be kept in his wallet for emergency resuscitation. ToeCutter strikes again. RIP Segment The boys honor (and roast) the deceased: Lynn Hamilton (Sanford & Son) Grandma the Galápagos Tortoise – lived 141 years, witnessed centuries of atrocities, said nothing. Randy Jones (Padres Cy Young winner, patron saint of 70s brown-and-yellow uniforms) Fuzzy Zoeller (apparently not 97 years old, though he looked it since 1997) ️ / Sports News Browns DL Shelby Harris calls 49ers WR Jauan Jennings a “hoe” And he clarifies it. Repeatedly. Patrick Beverley accused of punching and choking his teenage sister The guys discuss: Pat Bev’s history of talking more than he plays The creepiness of men policing teenage girls’ sex lives Whether Jay Stew thinks athletes should have podcasts (spoiler: he doesn’t) Pickleball vs. Carmel, CA Carmel considers banning pickleball because it’s “too noisy.” Brian rants about temporary courts, olds blowing Achilles tendons, and why tennis is superior. Drake Maye Spotted at His Girlfriend’s Adult Cheer Competition Wait—adult cheer competitions? The guys spiral into: When activities should end What counts as “aging gracefully” The disturbing traditions of Texas A&M (midnight yell practice, dungarees, kick routines) Listener Voicemails & Mailbag Ben Astounded that Brian & Ed only consume gravy once a year. Matthew Richards Asks if Ed would peek at Hitler’s infamous micro-penis if gifted a time machine. (Consensus: obviously yes.) Gfish Offers to file a complaint against Jay Stew’s online bullies. Toe Cuttter Sends physical mail (!) including the mug and gay card, then demands: “Loudest Comer” rankings More show minutes A commitment to being “as gay as we want to be” Loudest Comer Power Rankings Chris Farley > John Belushi Dick Vitale > Harry Caray Air Bud Cinematic Universe: likely the evil clown, not Air Bud himself David Silver’s mom (90210) receives an honorable mention Non-Sports: Weird News, Sexual Disasters & Political Horrors Hitler Micro-Penis Discourse Time travel urinal etiquette. Historical dick analysis. Rasputin’s jar-encased hog. RFK Jr. Felching Poetry Scandal Brian & Ed read actual RFK sext-poems involving: “Harvests” “Canyons” “Don’t spill a drop” Full-on National Institute of Health–certified felching definitions Listeners are begged to call in if they’ve ever actually felched (unlikely, but we’re listening). UK Man Hospitalized After Eating 7 Pounds of Gummy Cola Bottles Relatable to a point. Then horrifying. Hugh Hefner reportedly drank 20 Pepsis a day + 3 lbs of M&Ms The true cause of Playboy longevity? Macaulay Culkin legally changes his middle name to Macaulay Culkin The poll results are honored. Italian Man Dresses as Dead Mother to Collect Pension Mrs. Doubtfire but make it mortifying. Smokey Robinson Accused of Forcing Strangers to Touch His Erection Brian plays tracks from GASMS, Smokey’s actual album filled with sex songs to confirm: Yes, this man is capable of anything. SUPPORT THE SHOW Patreon subscribers get extended dong talk + bonus content weekly. Join here: patreon.com/theballerlifestylepodcast Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.