Love, Happiness and Success with Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

If you want a secure bond but keep feeling activated or shut down, you’re not doomed.  A secure bond gets built through emotional intimacy, trust, and safe relationships, not willpower. Most people hear about attachment styles and think, “Okay… that’s me.” But insight alone doesn’t change your nervous system. And it doesn’t change your relationship patterns. In this conversation, Dr. Amir Levine and I are talking about secure attachment, what it really means, and how to become securely attached in the relationships that matter most. Knowing you lean anxious or avoidant is one thing. Creating emotional safety in relationships is something else entirely. When love starts to feel like chasing, bracing, second-guessing, or shutting down, that is usually not a character flaw. It is a pattern that can change. Dr. Amir Levine is a Columbia-trained psychiatrist and neuroscientist, an Associate Professor of Clinical Psychiatry at Columbia University Medical Center, and the coauthor of the multi-million-copy bestseller Attached. In his new book, Secure, he explains what a secure attachment style in relationships looks like, why attachment is not a fixed sentence from childhood, and how safe, steady relationships can help your nervous system move toward more trust and connection. We talk about anxious, avoidant, and secure attachment, the difference between attachment patterns and attachment disorders, and why security matters far beyond romance. You’ll also hear why avoidant attachment style communication patterns can leave both people feeling more distressed, how small moments of responsiveness build trust, and why some relationships keep your attachment system activated instead of helping you feel safe. As you listen, notice which relationships help you feel calmer, clearer, and more like yourself. Then notice which ones leave you spinning. That awareness can change a lot. Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Why Knowing Your Attachment Style Still Leaves You Stuck 03:14 What Secure Attachment Looks Like in Real Life 06:31 Which Attachment Style Sounds Most Like You? 15:40 Why Secure Attachment Changes More Than Your Love Life 20:21 Can You Become More Secure Over Time? 26:55 The Five Traits That Create Emotional Safety 37:35 How to Ask for What Helps You Feel Safe 48:08 The Tiny Moments That Rewire Attachment 55:32 How to Break the Anxious Protest Cycle 1:02:17 When It’s Time to Get Support If this conversation brought up some clarity for you about your relationship patterns, attachment style, or the ways you long to feel more secure with the people you love, I want to offer you something. At Growing Self, we make it easy to find the right kind of support for exactly what you’re working through. You can answer three quick questions and we’ll help you book a free consultation with the expert on our team who fits you best. It’s private, secure, and only takes a couple of minutes. Whether you want help creating more emotional safety in relationships, breaking old patterns, or moving toward a more secure attachment, we’d be honored to support you. 💗 xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts. Upwork - Upwork gives you access to vetted professionals across 125+ categories, from marketing to web development to operations support. No long recruiting cycles. No guesswork. Just the right person, when you need them. Check it out at Upwork.com — posting a job is free.

If parenting is bringing out anger you don’t recognize… you’re not alone. And if anxiety is riding shotgun in your nervous system, same. Today we’re talking emotions, conflict, and repair so you can stay safe and secure even when things get messy. In this conversation, I’m joined by Eli Harwood, known as the “Attachment Nerd,” a licensed therapist, bestselling author, and educator who specializes in attachment-based parenting and relationship guidance, helping families and individuals nurture secure attachment patterns. We’re talking about why parenting anger happens, what it may be trying to tell you, and how to work with it without shaming yourself or taking it out on your kids. If you’ve been looking for anger management for parents that feels compassionate, grounded, and actually useful in real life, this episode is for you. We also get into parental anxiety, emotion coaching, secure attachment parenting, and the kind of inner work that helps you stay steady when your child is anything but. Eli shares why anger is not the enemy, why repair matters more than perfection, and how your own childhood story can quietly shape the way you respond to stress, conflict, and your kids’ biggest feelings. In a lot of ways, this conversation becomes an anger management parents guide for the real moments nobody prepares you for. As you listen, I’d love for you to consider: when your child is upset, what gets activated in you first: anger, anxiety, shame, helplessness, or something else? Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Why Parenting Brings Up Old Patterns 05:10 Learning Emotionally Secure Parenting 10:15 Parenting Anger as a Signal 13:05 What to Do When Your Child Says “I Hate You” 19:55 Bedtime Battles, Screens, and Repair 24:56 Healing Your Own Story With Compassion 34:20 Why Parents Need Support Too 38:53 Managing Parental Anxiety 52:24 Dr. Lisa’s Reflections and Next Steps And if today’s conversation left you thinking, Yep… this is bigger than just bedtime and bad moods, I’d love to offer you a gentle next step. We created a simple, private way to help you find the right kind of support at Growing Self. Just answer three quick questions, and we’ll help you book a free consultation with the expert who fits you best. It’s secure, it only takes a couple of minutes, and it can be a meaningful first step if you’re ready to do the kind of healing work that changes not just how you feel, but how you show up in your relationships and your parenting, too. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts. This episode is proudly sponsored by Upwork — and it's a sponsorship I said yes to because I actually use it. When you need specialized talent fast, Upwork gives you access to vetted professionals across 125+ categories, from marketing to web development to operations support. No long recruiting cycles. No guesswork. Just the right person, when you need them. Check it out at upwork.com — posting a job is free.

If you have communication problems, you’re probably not fighting about what you think you’re fighting about. And that’s good news. Because the real issue is usually conflict & repair, not the “topic” and with clear boundaries, you can start to repair trust instead of repeating the same fight. Dr. Lisa is joined by Mika Ross, a Nationally Board Certified, Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) and relationship coach based in Missouri. Mika has over 18 years of experience in the field, specializing in individual and couples therapy. Together, they unpack what conflict resolution in relationships really looks like, why defensiveness in relationships keeps couples stuck, and how to stop arguing with your partner when every conversation starts feeling loaded. This conversation is full of real-life examples about the moments that so often turn into the same exhausting fight on repeat. Dr. Lisa and Mika talk about how to repair a relationship after a fight, how to stop fighting with your partner without chasing resolution too fast, and how to repair a relationship by getting underneath criticism and into the softer emotions that are usually driving the whole thing. You’ll also hear why even well-intentioned concern can land as criticism, why old conflict patterns have so much staying power, and what it looks like to come back together in a way that builds trust instead of doing more damage. As you listen, I’d love for you to consider: What are you and your partner really fighting about underneath the surface? Where are criticism and defensiveness getting in the way of connection? And what might change if the goal stopped being to win the argument and started being to repair the relationship? Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Why You Keep Having the Same Fight 06:06 When Criticism Starts the Spiral 17:45 When Good Intentions Land Wrong 23:45 Boundaries, Hurt, and Repair 34:48 Why You Don’t Need to Fix It Right Away 43:23 What Healthy Conflict Repair Looks Like 56:18 Getting the Right Support And if this conversation brought up that tender awareness that you and your partner keep missing each other in the same painful ways, I’d love to offer you a next step. You can schedule a free consultation with me or someone on my team at Growing Self as a kind, thoughtful place to begin. It’s a private, secure space where you can share what’s been happening in your relationship, what you hope will feel different, and let us help you find the right support for you. Thousands of people have transformed themselves, their relationships, or their careers through Growing Self. You can too. Answer three quick questions, and we’ll help you get matched with the right expert. It only takes a couple of minutes. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self This episode is proudly sponsored by Upwork — and it's a sponsorship I said yes to because I actually use it. When you need specialized talent fast, Upwork gives you access to vetted professionals across 125+ categories, from marketing to web development to operations support. No long recruiting cycles. No guesswork. Just the right person, when you need them. Check it out at upwork.com — posting a job is free. Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts.

Therapy is supposed to be private—but AI is changing the rules. If you’re working with a psychologist or counselor, you deserve to know what happens to your words. This episode is a reality-check on human psychology, “AI therapy,” and safer, science-backed tools. There is a lot of buzz right now around AI therapy, therapy AI tools, and every new AI therapy app promising support, insight, and convenience. Some of that technology may become genuinely useful over time. Right now, though, this space is moving much faster than the guardrails around privacy, ethics, consent, and clinical care. In this episode, I’m joined by Candice Thompson, a seasoned licensed marriage and family therapist (MMFT, LMFT) practicing in Silicon Valley, for a grounded, honest conversation about what people need to understand before trusting an AI therapy app with their most personal thoughts. We talk about emotionally convincing tools that can agree with you even when you’re wrong, the risks around recordings, transcripts, consent, and AI therapy notes, and why human therapy offers something a chatbot cannot. If you’ve been curious about AI therapy, concerned about privacy, or wondering whether your therapist is using behind-the-scenes AI tools, this conversation will help you know what to ask and what to watch for. Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Why AI Therapy Raises Privacy Concerns 01:57 AI Therapy and the Future of Mental Health 08:59 Who Is Building AI Therapy Tools? 12:14 When AI Therapy Reinforces Harmful Thinking 20:41 How to Evaluate an AI Therapy App 35:08 Privacy and Consent in Therapy 43:29 The Risks of AI Therapy Notes 46:41 What Human Therapists Offer That AI Cannot 52:06 Why AI Cannot Be Your Therapist If this conversation stirred up bigger questions about trust, privacy, or what kind of support actually feels safe for you, I’d love to offer you a thoughtful next step. You can schedule a free consultation with me or one of the wonderful experts on my team at Growing Self. It’s private, secure, and only takes a couple of minutes to answer three quick questions so we can help you find the right support for you and connect you with the expert who fits you best. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self This episode is proudly sponsored by Upwork — and it's a sponsorship I said yes to because I actually use it. When you need specialized talent fast, Upwork gives you access to vetted professionals across 125+ categories, from marketing to web development to operations support. No long recruiting cycles. No guesswork. Just the right person, when you need them. Check it out at upwork.com — posting a job is free. Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts.

There are moments when you know something does not feel right, and yet you still hear yourself saying yes. You go along. You stay quiet. You tell yourself it is not worth making an issue of it. I’m revisiting this conversation with Dr. Sunita Sah because it speaks so clearly to that experience, and to the very real reasons it can be so hard to stand up for yourself. In this episode of Love, Happiness and Success, we talk about what gets in the way of speaking up, saying no, and staying true to your values when there is pressure to do otherwise. Dr. Sah, a physician, organizational psychologist, and author of Defy: The Power of No in a World That Demands Yes, shares why so many thoughtful, capable people struggle with assertiveness and personal boundaries, especially when being agreeable has been rewarded for so long. We also talk about the hidden cost of compliance, her research on “insinuation anxiety,” and what it looks like to practice speaking up in a grounded, honest way. This conversation offers a powerful reminder that standing up for yourself is not about becoming harsh. It is about staying connected to your values and trusting yourself enough to act on them. Episode Breakdown: 00:00 The Limits of Compromise 08:37 Why It Can Feel So Hard to Speak Up 18:30 The Fear Beneath Staying Quiet 27:09 Saying Yes When You Mean No 38:32 The Five Stages of Defiance If you’re noticing how often you override yourself, dismiss your own discomfort, or keep saying yes when something in you is asking for a no, this may be worth exploring more deeply. You can schedule a free consultation with me or a member of my team. It’s a private, supportive space where you can talk about what feels hard right now and what you want to feel different. We’ll help you get matched with the right counselor or coach so you can move forward with more clarity, confidence, and trust in yourself. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self This episode is proudly sponsored by Upwork — and it's a sponsorship I said yes to because I actually use it. When you need specialized talent fast, Upwork gives you access to vetted professionals across 125+ categories, from marketing to web development to operations support. No long recruiting cycles. No guesswork. Just the right person, when you need them. Check it out at upwork.com — posting a job is free. Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit⁠ shopify.com/lhs⁠ to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts.