Love, Happiness and Success with Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

By the end of the gratitude journal, the breath work, the affirmation in the mirror, you felt worse, not better. You're not failing at positivity. You're using tools that were never designed to do what you're asking them to do. In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Deepika Chopra, the clinical health psychologist known as The Optimism Doctor and the author of the new book The Power of Real Optimism. Deepika has spent over a decade studying why optimism is a skill, not a personality trait, and her work has appeared everywhere from the TODAY Show to Forbes to Vogue. She joined me to explain why forced positivity actually makes anxiety worse, and what real, durable optimism looks like when you stop performing it and start practicing it. In this conversation, you'll learn: Why an optimist isn't someone who feels good all the time, and what they're actually doing differently in their head The exact reason 'I am confident' affirmations can deepen self-doubt, and how to phrase them so your brain stops detecting them as a lie The specific moment Deepika's optimism work was tested in the hardest way it could be, and what shifted for her in the middle of it Why scheduling worry time actually reduces anxiety instead of feeding it The ta-da list (yes, ta-da) and why it rewires what your brain pays attention to at the end of the day The one mental shift that moves you from rumination to agency when nothing about your circumstances has changed What modeling real optimism for the people who love you actually looks like, especially if those people are your kids This episode is for anyone who has tried to think their way into feeling better and quietly felt like a fraud doing it. If you've ever closed a self-help book and felt worse, if you've ever heard someone say 'good vibes only' and wanted to throw something, if you're currently navigating something genuinely hard and tired of being told to look on the bright side, this conversation will give you something more honest, and more useful, than any of that. Episode Breakdown 00:00 The Permission You Didn't Know You Needed 04:38 How Dr. Deepika Became the Optimism Doctor 18:20 What Real Optimism Actually Is (And What It Isn't) 23:55 Why Most Approaches to Positivity Backfire 27:25 The Brain Is an Anticipatory Organ 31:15 How to Find Agency When Everything Feels Out of Control 46:35 The Ta-Da List and Why It Works 48:55 Scheduled Worry Time (Yes, Really) 51:30 Modeling Optimism for the People Watching You 54:00 What Real Resilience Actually Builds Resources Full episode article and resources Free What's Holding You Back? quiz Life coaching with our team Personal growth coaching If something in this conversation landed for you, share it with one person. You probably already have someone in mind, the friend who's been white-knuckling their way through something hard. Send it to them. And follow the show wherever you listen so you don't miss what's coming next. XO, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast Upwork — When you need specialized talent fast, Upwork gives you access to vetted professionals across 125+ categories, from marketing to web development to operations support. No long recruiting cycles. No guesswork. Just the right person, when you need them. Check it out at upwork.com — posting a job is free. Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts. OSEA — Amazing, clean, science-backed skincare made with the power of the sea. Use code LHS at oseamalibu.com for 10% off your first order. LNutra Prolon — A science-backed, plant-based nutrition program that supports fat loss, metabolism, cellular rejuvenation, and overall longevity. Head to ProlonLife.com/LHS for 15% off your first order + a bonus gift.

A year. Two years. Five years. Ten years. Still stuck on the same person. If that is you, this episode is not going to tell you to give it more time. In this episode, I sit down with my colleague Jesse Stanley, a licensed marriage and family therapist and board-certified coach who co-facilitates our Heartbreak Recovery Intensive with me here at Growing Self. Between us, we have watched a lot of people walk in still tangled up in a relationship that ended months or years ago, and walk out free of it. Jesse joined me to talk about what we have seen actually work, including the one reframe that unlocks years of stuckness for almost every person we meet. In this episode: The factory accident sign that explains why you have been resetting your healing clock for years without realizing it Why a breakup mimics the symptoms of PTSD, and what is actually happening in your nervous system The exact reason your thinking brain and your attachment brain disagree about whether to text your ex back Why heartbreak recovery groups move people faster than years of one-on-one therapy The closure myth that keeps people waiting for an apology from someone unable to give it The airplane metaphor that finally lets you accept the good parts of a relationship that had to end Why most therapists are not trained in heartbreak recovery, and what to look for instead The reclaim-the-song, reclaim-the-room experiment that does more than years of talking about feelings Why this matters This episode is for anyone who has been stuck on a past relationship long enough to be embarrassed about it. The person you cannot stop checking in on. The relationship that ended a long time ago but somehow still has a vote in your life. The voice in your head that keeps telling you that you should be over this by now. We see you, and we have seen this. There is a way through, even if it has been years. Episode Breakdown 00:00 Stuck on Your Ex for Years? It's Not a Life Sentence 05:45 Why You Can't Stop Resetting the Recovery Clock 09:30 Why a Breakup Feels Like Physical Withdrawal 12:30 The Difference Between Thinking Brain and Attachment Brain 14:30 Why Groups Move You Faster Than One-on-One Therapy 22:50 Closure Is Something You Give Yourself 26:30 Taking Your Power Back After a Breakup 30:00 Why Therapy Alone May Keep You Stuck 34:00 How to Actually Start Healing From a Broken Heart 47:30 This Won't Always Feel Like This Resources Full episode article and show notes How Over Your Ex Are You? Quiz Heartbreak Recovery program at Growing Self Online breakup support group Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to an Ex Love by Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Schedule a free first conversation If you are listening to this and recognizing yourself, the years-stuck part, the closure-waiting part, the cannot-stop-checking part, that recognition is the signal. Send me an email at [email protected], or come find me at GrowingSelf.com. We do free first conversations. No pressure, no commitment. Just a real conversation about what is actually going on for you, and whether the kind of work we do here might help. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby P.S. If you want to know exactly where you are in the process before you talk to anyone, the How Over Your Ex Are You? quiz at growingself.com/breakup-quiz-how-over-your-ex-are-you takes about two minutes and tells you the truth. Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast Upwork — When you need specialized talent fast, Upwork gives you access to vetted professionals across 125+ categories, from marketing to web development to operations support. No long recruiting cycles. No guesswork. Just the right person, when you need them. Check it out at upwork.com — posting a job is free. Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts. OSEA — Amazing, clean, science-backed skincare made with the power of the sea. Use code LHS at oseamalibu.com for 10% off your first order. Quince — Quality products you’ll actually use that feel like luxury without the price tag. Get free shipping and 365-day returns at quince.com/lhs. LNutra Prolon — A science-backed, plant-based nutrition program that supports fat loss, metabolism, cellular rejuvenation, and overall longevity. Head to ProlonLife.com/LHS for 15% off your first order + a bonus gift.

Have you ever felt like every tab in your brain is open, and not one of them will close? That was Sam Yo at 23, the year before he walked away from a successful London stage career to spend years in a Thai Buddhist monastery. In this episode, I sit down with him for the conversation I needed when my own brain wouldn't stop running. Sam is now a Peloton instructor and the author of The Monk's Mindset (Blackstone, May 19, 2026). His arc, from London stage to Thai monastery to a global Peloton audience, was just featured in PEOPLE Magazine. He left a roller coaster of stage, sports car, and success because the noise inside had grown louder than the noise outside. What he learned in the silence is what he teaches his Peloton students and the readers of his new book: you don't need to escape your life to find stillness. You learn to carry it. We talk about why your overthinking isn't actually a thinking problem, what your nervous system is doing at two in the morning when you can't let a conversation go, and the small named practices that interrupt the spiral. Sam walks us through a 90-second breath exercise live on the recording, the three daily anchors he uses to keep himself tethered, and the three filters his teacher gave him to run before you react to anything. In This Episode Why your overthinking isn't a thinking problem (and what it actually is) The 4-2-6 breath that interrupts a 2 a.m. spiral in 90 seconds, walked through live on the episode The three daily anchors that quiet a restless mind: intention, reset, reflection The walking practice Sam's teacher gave him when he couldn't sit still and meditate How emptying your cup changes the way you listen in every relationship you have The three filters to run before you react: is it true, is it kind, is it necessary Why a Peloton ride teaches the same thing a Thai monastery taught Sam The teacher's lesson about a cut foot that reframes every setback as redirection This episode is for anyone who has lain awake at two in the morning replaying a conversation from earlier that day, wondering why their brain won't let it go. It is for the person who has downloaded three meditation apps and quit each one because the silence felt like one more thing to be good at. Sam's tools don't ask you to retreat from your life. They ask you to find the stillness that's already in it, in five breaths before you check your phone, in the warmth of a mug between your hands, in the sound of a broom on a kitchen floor. Episode Breakdown 00:00 Why Your Mind Won't Stop, A Former Monk's Take on Overthinking 03:15 The Disconnect Behind a Life That Looks Good 15:43 Three Daily Anchors That Quiet a Restless Mind 18:22 Empty Your Cup, The Monk's Way of Listening 25:45 The Ripple Jar, Why Small Acts of Kindness Compound 32:23 Is Overthinking Just Anxiety in Disguise? 39:59 How to Calm a Racing Mind in 90 Seconds (The 4-2-6 Breath) 42:03 How to Be Present Without Hours of Meditation 49:40 Take a Different Path, Three Questions Before You React Resources Read the full article Free Self-Esteem Test, because so much of the loop starts with the story you tell about yourself Life Coaching at Growing Self, our most-requested service for people who want a real human in their corner Free consultation, talk to a coach or therapist on our team, no commitment If something in this episode landed for you, send it to the person you were thinking about while you listened. You probably already know who it is. And if you're ready for the deeper version of this work, a real person in your corner who does this with people every day, come find us at growingself.com. XO, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast Upwork — When you need specialized talent fast, Upwork gives you access to vetted professionals across 125+ categories, from marketing to web development to operations support. No long recruiting cycles. No guesswork. Just the right person, when you need them. Check it out at upwork.com — posting a job is free. Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts. OSEA — Amazing, clean, science-backed skincare made with the power of the sea. Use code LHS at oseamalibu.com for 10% off your first order. Quince — Quality products you’ll actually use that feel like luxury without the price tag. Get free shipping and 365-day returns at quince.com/lhs. LNutra Prolon — A science-backed, plant-based nutrition program that supports fat loss, metabolism, cellular rejuvenation, and overall longevity. Head to ProlonLife.com/LHS for 15% off your first order + a bonus gift.

Have you ever lost a whole afternoon to a conversation that ended three days ago? Picking it apart, wondering what the other person actually meant, mentally rehearsing what you should have said. There is a name for what your brain is doing. ⁠It is called rumination, and according to research from Yale, it is the single most damaging mental habit science can measure⁠. In this episode, I sit down with Donna Jackson Nakazawa, the science journalist who has spent decades translating cutting-edge neuroscience into language regular humans can actually use. Her new book Mind Drama (out this week) is the most useful explanation I have read of what is actually happening in your brain when you cannot stop replaying a conversation, and what the science says you can do about it. Donna and I get into the survival biology behind your overthinking, the unexpected link between early relationships and adult thought patterns, and her real-time interruption tool. She walks me through it live, with my own ruminative mind as the example. It got pretty real. In This Episode The four-step framework Donna walked me through live, in real time, while I was actually overthinking something (it interrupts a spiral in under a minute) Why your brain creates these loops in the first place, and the evolutionary reason it cannot just stop on command The hidden link between your earliest relationships and the thought patterns you carry into adulthood The word for what you have been calling overthinking, and why nearly a third of adults have never heard it How rumination shows up at work, and the moment I realized I was doing it about my own business while we were recording The Yale research that names rumination as the biggest single predictor of depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and even cognitive decline What science says does not work for overthinking (and why willpower keeps failing you) The reframe that changes everything: your rumination is a signal fire from your past, not a character flaw Why This Matters This episode is for anyone who has ever lost a whole day to a conversation that already happened. The smart, accomplished, self-aware woman who has read every book about mindset and still finds herself staring at the ceiling at 2 AM. The friend who knows logically that the email did not mean what she thinks it means, and who is on her seventh draft of a reply anyway. If you have ever caught yourself in a loop and thought, what is wrong with me, this conversation will start to answer that question. Spoiler: nothing is wrong with you. Episode Breakdown 00:00 The Mental Spiral You Can't Stop 03:51 What Rumination Actually Is 06:06 Is Overthinking a Symptom of Anxiety? 08:35 Why Your Brain Won't Let It Go: A Survival Response Gone Rogue 12:01 Inside the Default Mode Network 18:39 How Overthinking Shows Up at Work and in Your Relationships 22:22 The MIST Framework: How to Stop Overthinking in Real Time 38:53 The Old Story Underneath the Spiral 45:57 Reclaiming the Voice Your Rumination Has Been Hiding 55:42 When You Need a Real Person, Not Just a Strategy Resources Take the ⁠What's Holding You Back? Quiz⁠ ⁠Schedule a free consultation⁠ with a coach or therapist on the Growing Self team. Here is what I want you to take away from this conversation: your brain getting stuck in a loop is not a character flaw. It is a real neural pattern with real roots, and it is genuinely changeable. If this conversation made you realize you are ready to actually do something about this with a real person, my team at Growing Self does free first conversations. No commitment, no pressure. Just a real conversation with a coach or therapist who gets it. If this episode meant something to you, please share it with the friend you already have in mind. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby ⁠Growing Self ⁠ Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast: Upwork — Access to vetted professionals across 125+ categories. No long recruiting cycles. No guesswork. Just the right person, when you need them. Check it out at upwork.com — posting a job is free. Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts. OSEA — Amazing, clean, science-backed skincare made with the power of the sea. Use code LHS at oseamalibu.com for 10% off your first order. Quince — Quality products you’ll actually use that feel like luxury without the price tag. Get free shipping and 365-day returns at ⁠quince.com/lhs⁠. LNutra Prolon — A science-backed, plant-based nutrition program that supports fat loss, metabolism, cellular rejuvenation, and overall longevity. Head to ⁠ProlonLife.com/LHS⁠ for 15% off your first order + a bonus gift.

It’s 5:47 PM. You’re trying to make dinner. Your four-year-old is melting down. You hand her the iPad, just for twenty minutes. She gets quiet. And then, because you’re a person who loves your kid, you feel like a bad parent. Hey. It happens. I’ve been there too. And the man I sat down with for this conversation has been there too, except in his case, he’s the one who invented the technology you just handed her. In this episode, I sit down with Rob LoCascio, the man who invented web chat in 1995 and built LivePerson into a public company powering customer conversations for Apple, American Express, and Citibank. After twenty-eight years inside the conversational AI industry, watching his own three kids try to grow up in the world he helped build, Rob had a reckoning. He started a new company building tech for kids that doesn’t exploit them, and he sat down with me to explain, with receipts, what is actually happening behind the screen your kid won’t put down. In This Episode The exact moment a tech founder realized he was losing his own kids to the screens he built, and why it changed everything for him Why senior YouTube executives quietly don’t let their own kids use YouTube, and what they know that you don’t The reframe that turns the daily iPad battle from a parenting failure into a systems problem What Jonathan Haidt’s research found when Apple introduced the front-facing camera, and why youth depression rates spiked globally at the same moment Why your kid asks for the iPad when she’s upset, and what is actually happening in her nervous system in that moment The 25-million-person creator economy your kid is being fed by, and why "just set limits" stopped working in 2020 What healthier tech for kids could actually look like, and what to ask before you hand any device to a four-year-old Why This Matters This episode is for anyone who has handed their kid a device just to get through dinner and then felt the wave of guilt that follows. For the parent who has yelled, then immediately regretted it, then negotiated, then given in. For the mom or dad whose kid melts down when the iPad gets put away, and who has started to wonder whether something deeper is going on. You are not crazy. You are not failing. You are up against an industry that is very, very good at what it does, and what it does is not in your kid’s interest. This episode names what you have been feeling, and gives you new language for what is actually happening. Episode Breakdown 01:42 The Screen Time Fight Every Parent Knows 05:00 The Inventor of Web Chat Pulls Back the Curtain 09:00 Devices Are Homework, Not a Babysitter 12:00 What’s Actually Inside the Videos Your Kids Are Watching 15:30 What Screens Do to a Developing Brain 19:11 "I Feel Like I’ve Lost": A Tech Founder’s Confession 22:45 Why YouTube Executives Won’t Let Their Kids Use YouTube 25:25 The 25-Million-Person Machine Behind Every Scroll 37:00 Why Early Exposure Hits a Developing Brain Harder 43:15 What Healthier Tech for Kids Could Actually Look Like Resources Read the full article and access every resource Rob mentions in this episode (including his work at KID Company) One-on-one parenting coaching and family therapy with our team Schedule a free consultation, no pressure, no commitment If you know another parent who has been crying in the bathroom over the iPad fight (and you probably have someone in mind right now), please share this episode with them. They will feel less alone, and that matters more than you know. XO, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self