
Day 14: Patience in the Hidden Growth of Sorrow
Sometimes this Advent season of the soul is a recurring rhythm through life, deliberately chosen as such or simply given to us. Sometimes it is the immediate result of conversion or of a new awareness of God or of an increase of Love.
Sometimes it is a painful experience. It may be that a soul brimmed with love becomes dumb, inarticulate, blind, seeing only darkness, unable to give things that it longs to give to a world of children asking for bread.
This simply means that the Holy Spirit of Love, by which Christ was conceived in that heart, is compelling it to suffer the period of growth.
The light is shining in the darkness, but the darkness does not comprehend it.
To a soul in such a condition, peace will come as soon as it turns to Our Lady and imitates her. In her the Word of God chose to be silent for the season measured by God. She, too, was silent; in her the light of the world shone in darkness. Today, in many souls, Christ asks that He may grow secretly, that He may be the light shining in the darkness.
We ought to let everything grow in us, as Christ grew in Mary. And we ought to realise that in everything that does grow quietly in us, Christ grows. We should let thoughts and words and songs grow slowly and unfold in darkness in us.
Commentary: Caryll Houselander reflects on the “Advent season of the soul” as a time when, even in silence and darkness, Christ grows within us. This hidden growth can be challenging, especially when we feel brimming with love yet find ourselves unable to express or act on it. Houselander encourages us to look to Mary as a model of patient, silent surrender. Just as she held the Incarnate Word in silence and allowed Him to grow within her, we too are called to let Christ grow in us without rushing the process. Even in the moments when we feel unable to give or express ourselves fully, God is at work in our hidden depths, transforming us.
Personal Reflection: Consider a place of silence or frustration in your spiritual life where you feel “in the dark.” How might you imitate Mary’s trust in God’s timing, allowing Christ to grow quietly within you, even if you don’t yet see the fruit? Embrace this season as an opportunity for Christ to unfold slowly in your heart.
Houselander quote from: Caryll Houselander, The Reed of God, Sheed & Ward, 1944
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DAY 15 – Confusion“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight.”
Proverbs 3.5 RSV
Interior confusion is one of the most painful trials in the spiritual life. It is the moment when the heart cannot see clearly, when intentions feel tangled, when choices seem uncertain, and when prayer does not offer the clarity we desire. Advent teaches us that confusion is not a sign of God’s absence. It is often the place where He is quietly working.
Confusion humbles the soul. It reminds us that we cannot navigate life by our own light. It teaches us to rely on God rather than our own understanding. When the heart enters confusion, the Lord invites us to slow down, listen more deeply, and trust that He is guiding even when our thoughts feel clouded.
The discerning heart learns that confusion is not failure. It is a spiritual moment that invites surrender, trust, and patience. In confusion, God draws the heart away from self-reliance and toward dependence on Him. This interior dimness often becomes the doorway to a clearer, deeper faith.
Advent reveals that Christ is near even when we cannot see the way forward.
“I do not ask to see the distant scene. One step enough for me.”
St. John Henry Newman, Hymn “Lead, Kindly Light,” stanza 1
St. John Henry Newman understood the experience of confusion deeply. His journey was marked by moments when everything familiar seemed uncertain. Rather than resisting this darkness, he allowed it to become the place where trust was strengthened. Newman teaches that God often leads the soul one step at a time, without revealing the whole path.
For Newman, confusion was not something to escape. It was something to walk through with Christ. He believed that when our understanding fails, God is inviting us to rely on His wisdom rather than our own. The heart grows in faith when it chooses trust in the midst of uncertainty.
Newman’s life reminds us that spiritual confusion can become a holy place. It is often there that God clears away our illusions, teaches simplicity, and forms a deeper fidelity.
Today invites you to notice the places where you feel uncertain or unclear. Confusion can make us want to rush, fix, or force an answer. Yet spiritual wisdom teaches the opposite. Confusion invites us to slow down and let God lead.
Listening becomes deeper in confusion. It is here that the heart learns to be patient. It is here that the soul learns to trust without seeing. Confusion teaches humility, because it shows us that only God can direct our steps.
Ask yourself: Where do I feel confused today. What would it look like to let Christ hold this confusion instead of trying to solve it alone.
Take a moment to place your confusion before God. Simply say, “Lord, I give You what I cannot understand.” Later in the day, pause again and repeat, “One step is enough if You are with me.” Let these prayers become acts of trust.
Lord Jesus, meet me in my confusion. Calm the thoughts that swirl within me and steady my heart in Your presence. Teach me to trust You when I cannot see the way forward. Guide my steps gently and help me to rest in the truth that You are with me. One step at a time is enough, because You are my light. Amen.
Citations for Day 15
Proverbs 3.5 RSV
St. John Henry Newman, Hymn “Lead, Kindly Light,” stanza 1
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As you begin, take a deep breath and exhale slowly. For at least the next few moments, surrender all the cares and concerns of this day to the Lord.
Say slowly from your heart “Jesus, I Trust In You…You Take Over”
Become aware that He is with you, looking upon you with love, wanting to be heard deep within in your heart…
From the Holy Gospel of Matthew 11:2-11
John in his prison had heard what Christ was doing and he sent his disciples to ask him, ‘Are you the one who is to come, or have we got to wait for someone else?’ Jesus answered, ‘Go back and tell John what you hear and see; the blind see again, and the lame walk, lepers are cleansed, and the deaf hear, and the dead are raised to life and the Good News is proclaimed to the poor; and happy is the man who does not lose faith in me.’
As the messengers were leaving, Jesus began to talk to the people about John: ‘What did you go out into the wilderness to see? A reed swaying in the breeze? No? Then what did you go out to see? A man wearing fine clothes? Oh no, those who wear fine clothes are to be found in palaces. Then what did you go out for? To see a prophet? Yes, I tell you, and much more than a prophet: he is the one of whom scripture says:
‘Look, I am going to send my messenger before you;
he will prepare your way before you.
‘I tell you solemnly, of all the children born of women, a greater than John the Baptist has never been seen; yet the least in the kingdom of heaven is greater than he is.’
What word made this passage come alive for you?
What did you sense the Lord saying to you?
Once more give the Lord an opportunity to speak to you:
John in his prison had heard what Christ was doing and he sent his disciples to ask him, ‘Are you the one who is to come, or have we got to wait for someone else?’ Jesus answered, ‘Go back and tell John what you hear and see; the blind see again, and the lame walk, lepers are cleansed, and the deaf hear, and the dead are raised to life and the Good News is proclaimed to the poor; and happy is the man who does not lose faith in me.’
As the messengers were leaving, Jesus began to talk to the people about John: ‘What did you go out into the wilderness to see? A reed swaying in the breeze? No? Then what did you go out to see? A man wearing fine clothes? Oh no, those who wear fine clothes are to be found in palaces. Then what did you go out for? To see a prophet? Yes, I tell you, and much more than a prophet: he is the one of whom scripture says:
‘Look, I am going to send my messenger before you;
he will prepare your way before you.
‘I tell you solemnly, of all the children born of women, a greater than John the Baptist has never been seen; yet the least in the kingdom of heaven is greater than he is.’
What did your heart feel as you listened?
What did you sense the Lord saying to you?
Once more, through Him, with Him and in Him listen to the Word:
John in his prison had heard what Christ was doing and he sent his disciples to ask him, ‘Are you the one who is to come, or have we got to wait for someone else?’ Jesus answered, ‘Go back and tell John what you hear and see; the blind see again, and the lame walk, lepers are cleansed, and the deaf hear, and the dead are raised to life and the Good News is proclaimed to the poor; and happy is the man who does not lose faith in me.’
As the messengers were leaving, Jesus began to talk to the people about John: ‘What did you go out into the wilderness to see? A reed swaying in the breeze? No? Then what did you go out to see? A man wearing fine clothes? Oh no, those who wear fine clothes are to be found in palaces. Then what did you go out for? To see a prophet? Yes, I tell you, and much more than a prophet: he is the one of whom scripture says:
‘Look, I am going to send my messenger before you;
he will prepare your way before you.
‘I tell you solemnly, of all the children born of women, a greater than John the Baptist has never been seen; yet the least in the kingdom of heaven is greater than he is.’
What touched your heart in this time of prayer?
What did your heart feel as you prayed?
What do you hope to carry with you from this time with the Lord?
We thank you, Lord Jesus for this time with you.
Keep us alert, we pray, O Lord our God,
as we await the advent of Christ your Son,
Who lives and reigns with you in the unity of the Holy Spirit,
God, for ever and ever
Amen
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In this Third Sunday of Advent reflection, Msgr. John Esseff proclaims the joy of Christ’s coming and the deep mystery of Jesus dwelling within those who are baptized. Drawing from the prophet Isaiah and the Gospel of Matthew, he reflects on the signs that reveal the Messiah: the blind see, the deaf hear, the lame walk, the dead are raised, and the poor receive the good news.
Msgr. Esseff focuses on Jesus’ response to John the Baptist’s question from prison and the fulfillment of Isaiah’s promises. He explains that John the Baptist stands as the greatest born of women, yet those united to Christ through baptism share a deeper intimacy with him. This union is not symbolic. It is real, lived daily through baptism, confirmation, and the Eucharist.
He speaks about light and darkness in human lives, noting that many are born into families marked by suffering, addiction, or division. Yet Christ’s light already lives within them. Rather than seeing only wounds or spiritual struggle, Msgr. Esseff urges listeners to recognize the presence of Jesus at work within their own life stories.
A central invitation of the episode is to pray through the Stations of the Cross during Advent, not as a Lenten exercise but as a way of recognizing Christ’s life unfolding within personal experiences. False accusation, betrayal, forgiveness, abandonment, suffering, and perseverance become places of union with Jesus. Each fall is not the end but a return to grace through Christ who lives within the soul.
The episode closes with a call to patience, trust, and joy. Christ is coming, not only in history or at Christmas, but ever more deeply into the lives of those who allow him to live and act through them.
Where in my life do I see signs of Christ’s light already at work, even amid struggle or pain?
How does recognizing Jesus living within me change the way I view my past experiences?
Which Station of the Cross most reflects something I am carrying right now?
Where am I being invited to return to grace after a fall?
How can I live Advent with greater patience and joy as I await Christ’s coming?
Msgr. John A. Esseff is a Roman Catholic priest in the Diocese of Scranton. Msgr. Esseff served as a retreat director and confessor to St. Teresa of Calcutta. He continues to offer direction and retreats for the sisters of the Missionaries of Charity around the world. Msgr. Esseff encountered St. Padre Pio, who would become a spiritual father to him. He has lived in areas around the world, serving in the Pontifical missions, a Catholic organization established by Pope St. John Paul II to bring the Good News to the world, especially to the poor. Msgr. Esseff assisted the founders of the Institute for Priestly Formation and continues to serve as a spiritual director for the Institute. He continues to serve as a retreat leader and director to bishops, priests and sisters and seminarians, and other religious leaders around the world.
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Joyful PenitenceMy dear Sisters, in this third week of Advent following upon Gaudete Sunday, we find a deep call, a profound call, to the understanding of penance. I think the Church is trying to teach us that real penance is always characterized by joy, that joy is a property of penance. When we look at penitence, we could perhaps list many properties, many characteristics and effects of penance; and we can all develop this in prayer. For today, I would like to linger a bit on three outstanding characteristics and effects of penance, three which I would venture to say are the most prominent. They are both property and effect; they are both descriptive of what is there and are a function of what is there. These three are: purpose, alertness, and joy.
Now, when we really become aware of how much we need to do penance, of how much we have sinned and are at fault, we could question (if we look at it in a superficial way) how we could be joyful. Would we not grow sadder and sadder? But, no, this is not true. And so let us look at that first property and effect: purpose. Real penance is always purposeful. And this characteristic is also an effect; that is, the more we truly realize our state as penitents, the more purpose we have to amend. We know that, in the Sacrament of Penance, we cannot be absolved from our sins if we do not have a firm purpose of amendment. Contrition is not real—it is not only incomplete, but it is not real—if there is no true purpose of amendment. This does not mean that we may not fall again, but it does mean that I am full of purpose, that I am not going to go on like this, that I am not going to keep doing this. That is what characterizes real penance. A weak wailing about my faults, with no evident purpose to do anything about them, has nothing to do with penance. It has a lot to do with cowardice, it has a lot to do with pride, and it is an expression of lack of purposefulness.
But real penance is a driving force. We see this dramatically in our Father Saint Francis. He wept because “Love is not loved.” He just could not get over this, and he was so driven by this, that Love was not loved enough by him. He went on with such purpose that in the sacred stigmata, love finally broke out all over him.
Francis P.C.C., Mother Mary. Come, Lord Jesus (pp. 135-136). Ignatius Press. Kindle Edition.
Mother Mary Francis, P.C.C., (1921-2006) was for more than forty years the abbess of the Poor Clare Monastery of Our Lady of Guadalupe in Roswell, New Mexico. She became recognized as an authoritative voice for the renewal of religious life through her many books, including A Right to Be Merry, But I Have Called You Friends, and Anima Christi. To learn more about Mother Mary Francis and the Poor Clare Nuns of Roswell, NM visit their website at https://poorclares-roswell.org

Discerning Hearts is grateful to Cluny Media whose permission was obtained to record these audio selections from this published work.
The post CLJ6 – Joyful Penitence – Come, Lord Jesus: Meditations on the Art of Waiting by Mother Mary Francis, P.C.C. – Discerning Hearts Podcast appeared first on Discerning Hearts Catholic Podcasts.