The Father, the Son, and the Aha Moment with Steve Barton

Click on Fan Mail link and give me feedback. Thanks The Father, the Son, and the Aha Moment with Steve Barton This episode focuses on the shift from parenting children to relating with adult children as equals, with Steve Barton sharing hard-won lessons from his own family and coaching work. James Moffitt and Steve discuss communication, boundaries, and how to stay connected without overstepping.Steve Barton, owner of Steve Barton Coaching and co-author of The Father, the Son, and the Aha Moment with his son Spencer, explains how the book grew out of real conversations about politics, growth, and accountability. The conversation centers on practical ways parents can support adult children while respecting their independence. Key topics In this episode: Steve Barton introduces his background as a coach in Portland, Maine, and frames parenting as a leadership relationship. Steve shares that the book began after repeated political debates with his son Spencer, which led him to ask, “What are you doing about it then?” He explains that the writing process revealed how similar he and Spencer are, especially around ADHD, procrastination, and direct communication. James and Steve discuss the common mistake parents make of treating adult children like children instead of respecting their adulthood. Steve says the best approach is to ask adult children whether they want advice or simply a listening ear. He describes the difference between a mentor and a helicopter parent, emphasizing that unsolicited advice often creates distance. Steve reflects on a major life change after 19 years of marriage, saying it forced him into a more hands-on, weekly shared parenting arrangement with Spencer. He outlines what healthy parent-adult child relationships look like to him: mutual respect and clear boundaries. Steve explains the “everyone is 10” idea from the book, meaning everyone is doing the best they can with the awareness they have. He connects the book’s message to self-awareness, emotional regulation, and moving from grievance and comparison toward authentic selfhood. Timestamps 00:00 - Welcome to the podcast and topic overview  00:49 - Steve Barton introduces his coaching background  01:18 - How a political disagreement with his son inspired the book  03:32 - What writing together revealed about father and son  05:17 - The biggest communication mistake parents make with adult children  06:50 - Mentors versus helicopter parents  07:49 - The origin of the book’s “aha moment”  10:39 - How a major family change altered Steve’s parenting perspective  12:30 - Supporting adult children who feel distant  13:20 - Respect, boundaries, and what healthy connection looks like  14:36 - The message behind the book and the “everyone is 10” framework  16:26 - Steve’s short pitch for his coaching and the book  18:32 - How to get the book and connect with Steve  19:08 - Closing thoughts and listener send-off Key frameworks Everyone is 10 - everyone is doing the best they can with the awareness they have Ask before advising - listen first, then offer guidance only if requested Healthy boundaries - love can include yes, no, stay, and go depending on the situation Parenting Adult Children Call To Action  Support the show Social Media Links  https://www.youtube.com/@abcparentingadultchildren https://www.instagram.com/parentingadultchildren125/  https://www.tiktok.com/@chiefpropellerhead ABC's of Parenting Adult Children Facebook Page https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61581576308055  r/parentingadultchildren Feel free to subscribe to these channels and share the links with your social media portals.