247 - What Happens When Only One of You Does the Work: Family Role Dynamics and What Repair Actually Takes w/ Dr. Angelica Shiels

✨SAFE WITHIN: A 7-week live somatic journey to get out of your head and into your body. Starts Wed. Oct 7th. Early bird pricing through 9/17 👉 adultchildpodcast.com/safewithin ---- All the healing work in the world won't make someone else willing to do their own. Dr. Angelica Shiels is a clinical psychologist a licensed clinical psychologist who works with couples and families using Emotionally Focused Therapy, the creator of the app Attuned - Relationships and the host of Attuned with Dr. Angelica & Coach Amanda. In today's conversation she walks through the dynamics she sees when two people's childhood wounds meet in a relationship, and what actually has to happen for either of them to change. ✨ What this episode explores ▪️ When Only One of You Is Doing the Work — The two kinds of harm to screen for before you keep trying, and why staying in couples therapy too long with an unwilling partner damages the person who's willing. ▪️ The Parentified & Golden Child Pairing — The most common match in relationships, why it works beautifully until the parentified partner finally asks for something, and the exact moment it comes apart. ▪️ The 4 States People Can't Tolerate — Defectiveness, powerlessness, uncertainty and wrongness, which one sits underneath the other three, and what it means when you only react to one of them. ▪️ High Conflict Couples Doesn't Need Better Communication — Why teaching skills to a dysregulated couple fails, what has to be in place before any technique works, and why titration matters more than depth. ▪️ Fawning That Looks Like Willingness — How to tell the difference between a partner who is actually in it and one who is agreeing with everything while privately still judging you. Check out Omaha Steaks and use my code BEEF for a great deal: https://www.omahasteaks.com ----------------------- ⚓JOIN THE SHITSHOW — The Adult Child Healing Community 6 weekly Zoom support groups · Discussion boards · Peer connection 👉 theshitshow.mn.co 🗞️ SIGN UP FOR SHITSHOW NATION Get the newsletter for community updates, healing insights & early access to workshops. ➡️ Join here 💁‍♀️ SUPPORT THE POD ☕ Buy Me a Coffee – help Andrea (and her cats) eat 🛍️ Shop Shitshow Merch Our Sponsors: * Check out Omaha Steaks and use my code BEEF for a great deal: https://www.omahasteaks.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy