Why You Still Blame Yourself Years After Leaving a Narcissist

You've been out of the relationship for years. So why does your ex's voice still feel like it's squatting between your ears? If you replay old arguments at 2 a.m., wonder what you did wrong, or feel like you're always one mistake away from getting in trouble, this conversation is for you. Lisa sits down with psychotherapist, hypnotherapist and EFT tapping practitioner Carol Look to talk about why self-blame lingers long after an abusive relationship ends, and what it actually takes to get yourself back. Carol's answer is both a relief and a challenge. The loop isn't a sign that something is wrong with you. It's a sign that your nervous system never got reset. When you're stuck in survival mode, you're living with what is essentially untreated PTSD, and nobody can think straight under those conditions. The good news is that patterns which developed over time can also be undone, with the right tools and the right people around you. This is one of the most compassionate conversations in our library, and it's especially meaningful for the smart, capable, successful people we work with who feel ashamed that they're "still not over it." WHAT YOU'LL LEARN: ✅ Why the nervous system keeps replaying "what did I do wrong?" years later  ✅ The difference between "this is just me" and the effects of being gaslit  ✅ Two quiet signs the abuse is still affecting you, even if you're functioning fine  ✅ How growing up "reading the room" can set you up for an abusive relationship, and why it's still not your fault  ✅ Why some survivors swear off dating or new friendships, and how to take small risks safely  ✅ Why cheerleading doesn't help someone who feels hopeless (and what does)  ✅ How shame and denial work the same way in substance use and in abuse recovery  ✅ Carol's definition of confidence: trust in yourself, not fearlessness  ✅ Simple first steps: talking out loud on a walk, journaling, taking up space  ✅ How to talk back to the critical voice in your head  ✅ Why healing happens with people, and how to find a community that feels safe  ✅ What to do when you catch yourself thinking "mine's not that bad" ABOUT CAROL LOOK: Carol Look began her career as a traditional psychotherapist and went on to train in hypnotherapy and EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques, or tapping on acupuncture points), all in search of better tools for calming the nervous system. She grew up in a family affected by alcoholism and spent the first part of her career working in addiction treatment, where she saw firsthand how spouses and children carry self-blame and shame. Today Carol is in private practice and teaches stress relief techniques to people all over the world. She is the author of The YES Code: Transforming Sabotage to Success, and Yes, Thank You, which combines tapping with the research on gratitude. 🔗 CONNECT WITH CAROL LOOK: ▶️ YouTube (free videos on breaking sabotage patterns): https://www.youtube.com/@CarolLookSuccess  🌐 Free videos and practices: https://theyescode.com  📚 Books: The YES Code: Transforming Sabotage to Success, and Yes, Thank You (gratitude + tapping) 💛 BEEN THERE GOT OUT RESOURCES: 📞 Book a free 30-minute discovery call: https://beentheregotout.com  📖 Blog: https://beentheregotout.com/blog  📸 Instagram: @been_there_got_out Thank you to our friend Karen of Journey Beyond Divorce for the image of the ex's voice "squatting between your ears!" #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery #SelfBlame #NervousSystemRegulation #EFTTapping #RebuildConfidence #EmotionalAbuse #HighConflictDivorce #TraumaRecovery #CPTSD #HealingAfterAbuse #BeenThereGotOut