Black Lincoln Collective Podcast

Episode 258 opens with reverb, ears, corn, fake governors, and the crew trying to remember how podcast intros work before Parker officially welcomes everyone to another edition of the Black Lincoln Collective Podcast. 258-2 258-2 The first major story belongs to Fred, whose son has officially turned 13. Fred is less impressed with the birthday itself than with the fact that he managed to keep another human alive for 13 years. He points out that TVs, cars, marriages and various other things haven't necessarily lasted as long, but the kid is alive, healthy, doing well in school and playing football. 258-2 258-2 For his birthday, Fred's son doesn't ask for a huge party. He asks for a day out with his parents. Fred's wife turns that into an itinerary built around mystery choice cards. The day starts with donuts and coffee, followed by Frankie's Fun Park, video games, miniature golf, a mall stop, dinner, another round of miniature golf and eventually pickleball. At Frankie's, Fred refuses to let his now-teenage son beat him at putt-putt because apparently fatherhood ends where competitive miniature golf begins. Later in the day, the family comes back for another round, discovers no employee at the outdoor counter and, after waiting several minutes, decides the statute of limitations on paying for miniature golf has expired. Dinner becomes a more complicated decision. Fred's son wants the full birthday spectacle, including restaurant employees making a big deal about him. Options include Cheddar's and Miyabi's, but Papa Fred eventually takes over and selects Twin Peaks, where his son gets dessert, attention from the servers and a birthday experience that Fred considers a proper transition into teenage life. That leads to a surprisingly long investigation into whether restaurants are legally allowed to sing “Happy Birthday.” Parker checks and discovers that the song has been in the public domain since 2016, meaning the restaurant simply chose not to sing it rather than being blocked by copyright law. The family finishes the day with pickleball. Fred wins the series 2-1 before fatigue starts catching up with him, while Fred's wife later crashes into a metal divider trying to chase down a shot. Everyone survives, which means Fred's 13-year parenting streak remains intact. After the break, Parker introduces the BLC Restaurant Review Roundup. While creating a rating system, the guys briefly settle on “two pointy things up,” then “two nipples out,” before delivering the philosophical breakthrough that gives the episode its title: “The thumbs are the nipples of the hand.” 258-2 Fred reviews a small, flashy Mexican restaurant in Greer. The atmosphere is dark and stylish, complete with string lights, 80s music, elaborate cocktails, dry ice, novelty drink containers and food that occasionally arrives on fire. But Fred isn't there for the theater. His burrito arrives dry with the sauces separated on side plates, his wife's meal disappoints her, and another person at the table doesn't finish his food. Fred ultimately gives the place roughly 1.5 sauces, arguing that the experience looks better than it tastes. That becomes a larger BLC restaurant philosophy: if the food is great, the show is a bonus. If the food is bad, smoke, fire, dry ice and elaborate presentation aren't going to save it. Allan's review goes much better. He visits a Brazilian steakhouse where servers continuously bring skewers of meat to the table. There are sides, salad-bar options, steaks, chicken, wine and the red/green system that tells the staff whether you want more. Allan forgets to flip his marker and accidentally enters a meat endurance competition. His final score: essentially 10 meat rods out of 10. Parker then reviews something technically not a restaurant: World's Finest Chocolate. The fundraiser from “The Ten Chocolate Commandments” has ended, but Parker learns that unsold chocolate does not simply go back. He is now the unwilling owner of dozens of leftover chocolate bars. Worse, he thinks the modern bars are nowhere near as good as the ones he remembers from childhood. That launches a long discussion about selling them to gas stations, giving them away, whether even homeless people would reject them, cardboard-box real estate and increasingly elaborate rating systems. World's Finest Chocolate eventually earns approximately one cardboard box full of diarrhea out of seven. And with that, Episode 258 ends exactly where every quality restaurant-review podcast should: debating cardboard housing and leftover fundraising chocolate.

In “Lawyer Letters” | Episode 257 of The Black Lincoln Collective Comedy Podcast, Parker gets the opportunity of a lifetime: six hours in a virtual mock trial where he gets paid to judge strangers, argue about negligence, assign blame, debate damages, eat chicken wings, and slowly convince himself that he is Perry Mason. After surviving legalese, questionable jurors, an $873,000 damages suggestion, and the invention of Parker’s imaginary lawyer credentials, the crew heads into Fredline News. This week brings an orange shark, a serial butt sniffer, Michael Douglas trivia, a Titanic mayonnaise story, rumors of disappearing genitals, an endurance athlete’s unfortunate mid-race bathroom emergency, and a Florida case involving allegations that become increasingly difficult to describe. It’s law, news, bodily functions, bad decisions, and three men who should probably never be selected for the same jury.

In “Doo Doo DLC” | Episode 256, The Black Lincoln Collective opens with the 256th edition of the show, a weak fart attempt, a “can’t do attitude,” and the usual reminder to find the show at americasfavoritepodcast.com, podcast platforms, and anywhere someone might throw a rock at a screen showing their website. The first major segment is a Latino History Month tribute led, very loosely, by Allan. The conversation jumps from Ricky Martin and Menudo to the Menendez brothers, Cardi B’s background, J.Lo, New York Puerto Rican identity, Caribbean confusion, and the crew trying to understand why huge groups of people get lumped together under one label. From there, the show pivots into side hustles. Fred claims he has a list of creative ways to make extra money, which includes stealing things that are “closer to the road than the house,” getting paid by mega churches to fake possession, putting ads on your car, crying at strangers’ weddings, becoming a substitute bee, and explaining food to people while they eat. The episode title lands during the car-wrap discussion. The crew imagines sharpie-ing BLC on the side of a vehicle, someone misreading it as “DLC,” and then immediately turning that into “Doo Doo DLC,” because apparently downloadable content is better when it is worse. The side hustle spiral continues with emotional wedding criers, including Parker inventing a full tragic backstory about being secretly in love with the groom. Then they move into substitute bees, where people allegedly get paid to pollinate plants, and the crew turns it into a full twerking-through-the-garden bit involving Parmesan cheese shakers and doing your part for the avocados. After that, Parker brings up a romance scam involving someone allegedly pretending to be an NFL player online. The crew uses it as a launchpad to talk about fake internet personas, search engines, and how people can manipulate AI by flooding the internet with bad information, like convincing it that Burger King is the best restaurant in New York City. After the break, Parker introduces “scam-spiracies,” starting with Culver’s drive-through. His theory: Culver’s makes the drive-through look less busy by moving people into a paid waiting zone after they order. This leads to a full rant about waiting 12 minutes for three melting ice cream cones in South Carolina heat. The next scam-spiracy is Big Toilet Paper. Parker suggests RFK Jr. is somehow working with toilet paper companies, that every food now “gives you the shits,” that toilet paper scarcity is engineered, and that people panic-buy toilet paper even when the crisis has nothing to do with diarrhea. Fred counters with bidets, showers, newspaper, and the uncomfortable reality that you cannot wipe your ass with a dream or a Bitcoin. The third scam-spiracy is streaming. Parker argues streaming companies are making TV so annoying that people will beg for cable again. He tries to watch football and ends up jumping from app to app, dealing with loading screens and commercials just to change games, while Fred floats mystery loaded TV boxes as a possible solution. The back half also confirms the BLC Vegas trip for February 4 through February 8, 2027, before jumping into an American Airlines story about a woman allegedly stripping naked on a flight from Baltimore to Miami. The crew riffs on airline chaos, flight delays, indecent behavior, “pollinating the plane,” and why news articles always include weirdly specific details while leaving out the one thing everyone actually wants to know. The episode closes with Parker nominating “Shallow” by Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper as the ultimate song that starts strong and ends like a pile of garbage, mostly because he thinks the back half is just endless “sha-la-la” repetition. The crew wraps with jokes about awards, bragging, and returning next week for another episode.

In “Richard Butts Loves Big Tents” | Episode 255 of The Black Lincoln Collective Comedy Podcast, the crew celebrates Fred’s 50th birthday aftermath with surprise-party chaos, giant tents, Long Island iced teas, white shorts, Richard Butts, kids playing blackjack, Vegas plans, political arcade games, GTA roleplay, Wolverine, Grand Theft Auto VI, and one MMA fighter who thinks he can beat a chimpanzee. Parker, Fred, and Allan recap Fred’s surprise birthday party, the tents that almost gave away the plan, the bar crawl that went sideways, the all-white post-Labor Day outfit, the blackjack table that stole the party, and the Vegas trip announcement. After the break, the crew dives into video game nostalgia, a White House arcade segment, GTA roleplay cops, corrupt cops, game leaks, Dongs Karate, and the proposed main event of the century: man versus chimp.

In “VD Day” | Episode 254 of The Black Lincoln Collective Comedy Podcast, the crew celebrates “Shiver If Day” with Tupac justice talk, savory detective pitches, Parker getting burgled for his Bluetooth adapter, earbuds, charger, cash, and sacred Aldi quarter, plus a full birthday roast for Fred’s 50th. Parker, Fred, and Allan get into the Tupac case, Keith D. jokes, “Baby Lane” confusion, revenge served with mashed potatoes, John Savory: Ghost Kitchen Detective, car break-ins, stolen tapes, Draper’s missing Braves-game car, a weird robbery story, a nun-on-a-cliff parable, and the USS Abraham Lincoln docking in Thailand after 200 days at sea. After the break, Fred gets roasted by AI, Satan, and Bernie Mac, then the guys talk middle school football, giant 13-year-old linemen, Super Bowl picks, farmers market scams, $10 Peruvian asparagus, sourdough bread, agua fresca, and the ongoing search for honest groceries. Listen now: https://americasfavoritepodcast.com