Ep 39: When Suffering Exposes Self-Reliance with Dr. Carron Silva (Romans 5:3–4)

“Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.” — Romans 5:3–4 What happens when you know God has called you somewhere….and then the reality of that calling becomes much harder than you expected? Dr. Carron Silva and her husband moved to a small farm in New Mexico with a vision for it to become a place of healing. At the same time, Carron was building a forgiveness ministry and coaching practice.  Both felt meaningful.  Both felt connected to what God had placed in front of her. But eventually, the demands of carrying both began colliding with grief, physical limits, uncertainty, and the pressure to keep producing. Carron describes reaching a point where she began asking God which part He actually wanted.  Then, instead of slowing down long enough to discern, she contracted. She tried harder. She learned social media strategies she did not particularly want to learn. She looked to experts. She focused on what she needed to do next.  And over time she recognized how much self-reliance had entered a season that was supposed to be lived with God. This conversation follows naturally from Episode 38, where I talked about forced competence: the ways we can become very good at something because responsibility, necessity, pain, or professional expectations required us to. Carron’s story gives us another side of that conversation.  This episode is for you if your find your high levels of capability lead you to keep moving instead of slowing down and asking God whether He is asking you to move at all. In this episode, we discuss: How Carron’s calling to forgiveness ministry and the farm began to compete for her time and capacity Why grief can become something high-responsibility people keep trying to work around instead of allowing themselves to experience How self-reliance can look like responsibility, problem-solving, achievement, or simply “doing what needs to be done” The difference between suffering that is part of faithful obedience and suffering we compound by running ahead of God Why Carron returned to a 40-week Ignatian spiritual practice that had accompanied an earlier season of calling How examination, reconciliation, and forgiveness helped her recognize repeated patterns without condemning herself What a bear, an electric fence, and disappearing beehives revealed about the instinct to consult experts before consulting God Why achievement can give us a brief sense of relief without providing the deeper fulfillment we are looking for How forgiveness begins with telling the truth about what happened while having compassion for the human being who developed those patterns Why Christian leaders have to be willing to go inward before we can faithfully lead other people through their own hard places Carron’s story also makes room for something high-responsibility people often struggle to permit: grief. She had experienced multiple losses while the demands of the farm and her work continued. The “doing” part of her kept functioning while the grieving part of her had very little room to be felt. Romans 5 does gives us a longer view of what God can form through our suffering, and Carron’s vulnerable share of experience is an invitation to us all  to stop treating suffering as a problem to escape,  and begin asking what God might be revealing, healing, interrupting, or rebuilding within it. Our suffering does not become valuable because we can perform well through it. We can bring it to Christ, allow ourselves to be human inside it, and let Him show us what belongs to obedience, what belongs to grief, and what we have added through our own attempts to stay in control. A question to carry with you from this episode: Where have you become so accustomed to solving the problem yourself that you may be running ahead of God—and what might change if you brought Him into the problem before deciding what to do next? CONNECT WITH DR. CARRON SILVA Dr. Carron Silva is a forgiveness coach, speaker, and host of the Forgiveness Is For You podcast. Her work centers on forgiveness, mindset, faith, and helping people take ownership of their lives. She and her husband are also developing their New Mexico farm with a long-term vision for it to become a place of healing. Website: drcarron.com Podcast: Forgiveness Is For You — Overcome Trauma Through Forgiveness - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/forgiveness-is-for-you-overcome-trauma-through-forgiveness/id1721956839 Connect with Dr. Lee, TLC, & the High Responsibility Humans™ Community: Discover your Primary Motivational Gift: www.growinyourgifts.com Join Our High Responsibility Humans Community: https://regulatedroots.com/hrh Explore our Agency services: regulatedroots.com/agency Follow on TikTok: @leechelseacordell Connect on LinkedIn: Dr. Lee Cordell