See the Person, Not the Label

We are often quick to label people, judge people, and put people into boxes - before we ever take the time to get to know them. Then whatever the label we’ve accepted is, we begin dealing with the label instead of the human being standing in front of us. And here's the problem: once I've put you in a box, I don't have to get to know you anymore. God doesn't see the label - God sees the heart. Where we are quick to read and judge by book’s cover - or whatever page of the story we land on - God reads the whole story. The English idiom, "don't judge a book by its cover", is a figurative phrase that we should not judge the worth or value of something or someone by their outward appearance alone. The human brain is wired to take shortcuts. We have an innate cognitive tendency to notice patterns and then generalize and move on. We subconsciously form these mental simplifications over and over; avoiding any depth. It's fast. It's efficient. And it's often deeply wrong. We make first impressions in seconds. We take things "at face value." We confuse appearance for reality. This is the root of prejudice and ‘fixed’ views. Recently I was made aware of the term “othering” and based on how I heard it, I thought it was a newly created buzzword being bantered about in today’s hyper-polarizing media. However, I came to learn that the word usage started in the mid 1980’s, some 40 years ago. Othering is the act of treating someone as though they are not part of ‘the group’ and are different in some manner, negating their individual humanity. It is a process in which some individuals or groups are defined and labeled as not fitting within the norms, they are seen as less worthy. At a minimum, it is stereotyping, and at the extreme end othering can dehumanize entire groups of people. It can lead to the persecution of marginalized groups, even acts of violence. When we identify fellow humans as abstract entities, “others,” it becomes easier to justify treating them in ways we would not treat our fellow humans. Hitler did this to the Jews. Rwandan genocide and slavery are other examples. This is what happens when labels harden into exclusion. It is important to remember, when we other the least of our brothers, we other God. Labels existed in Jesus' time too. Jesus didn't overcome division by creating a better label. He loved people. Jesus based his world not on labels but on love. Each of us was created in God's likeness. Genesis 1:27 — “God created mankind in his image; in the image of God he created them.” That literally means those - whose politics enrage us, whose lifestyle confuses us, whose life looks nothing like ours — are stamped with the image of God – and - Jesus Christ died for their salvation. We are commanded to "Love thy neighbor." Not agree with thy neighbor/approve of thy neighbor/tolerate thy neighbor/vote like thy neighbor - Love thy neighbor. The dictionary defines Respect as a “feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.” Then the dictionary defines Dignity as “state or quality of being worthy of respect”.  So, if I read this correctly, to have dignity we must have abilities or achievements? But Catholic social teaching corrects this: dignity is God-given by His love and cannot be taken away. Respect may be man-given, but it is God-demanded. Everyone has value and is worthy of profound respect.  Remember, Matthew 25 is unambiguous, that ‘whatever you do to the least of my brothers you do to me’.  There is no room or place for labels or ‘othering’ in this scenario. The label system is based on scarcity mentality which only has two outcomes – win or lose.  Scarcity mentality creates a power base for the perceived ‘haves’ versus the perceived ‘have-nots’; and that opportunities are limited, few and far between. Labels turn life into a competition. If you win, I lose. But that's not the economy of God's kingdom. God's love isn't scarce. God's grace isn't scarce. God's invitation isn't scarce. Love is not a finite resource. A world based on love is an abundance mentality – the theological opposite of the scarcity that labeling creates. The abundance mentality tells us that there are always new opportunities, the pie continues to grow, the slices get bigger, and there is enough room for all to flourish.  Respect, dignity, and deference are all key components of an abundance mentality – serving others, investing our talents, providing love, all come back ten-fold. Five Ways to See Beyond the Label 1. Slow Down. Don't let our first impression become our final conclusion. Recognize our tendency to spot patterns and desire to take mental shortcuts. Take time for critical thinking. Don't take anyone or any situation at face value. Before forming a judgment, ask: Do I have all the information? What am I assuming that I don't actually know? Critical thinking isn't skepticism — it's the discipline of making reliable judgments based on reliable information. It's a form of justice. Make the deliberate choice to go deeper — in conversations, in relationships, in how we perceive the person across from us at work, next to us in class or church, sitting at the dinner table.  Matthew’s Chapter 7 starts with the decree to “stop judging” and to conduct our behavior to others in accordance with God’s conduct towards us, to not pass judgment in a spirit of arrogance, forgetful of one’s own faults. 2. Look for the Story. Every person has a story inside them. And we don't know what chapter we walked in on. We don't need to define someone by one page or one chapter. Choose to read the whole book or at least as much as possible. Don't stop at the cover. Don't stop at the label. Don't stop at the first impression.  3. Find Common Ground. We need to see beyond the label for things we can relate or connect to – a commonality. Look for the commonality before the difference. Focus on what is shared, not on what may divide us. Difference gets our attention. Commonality creates connection. That's not naivety — that's wisdom. It's the first step toward belonging. 4. Practice Deference. Deference is defined as a courteous regard for the opinions, desires, and feelings of others. It is a humble reverence. It says this person and the relationship matter more than getting my way or winning this moment. It's the posture that builds relationships instead of burning them. And it is way more nuanced than simply saying "be nice." When we get into labels, we choose to be ignorant, and we lose the ‘deference for others.’ 5. Replace "Othering" With Belonging. Mother Teresa said, “If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.” Othering is the opposite of belonging. Where belonging implies acceptance and inclusion of all people, othering suggests intolerance and exclusion. Othering creates an "us versus them" mentality. Belonging is a basic human need, Maslow proved that back in 1943. Belonging to each other creates comfort - which leads to connection - which leads to contribution. Belonging is good for business and society. We need contributors, not detractors. What is our call to action? Let’s start by not worrying about what society needs to do; what can we do? Who have we put in a box? Let’s think about somebody we've already labeled. Maybe politically. Maybe socially. Maybe someone at work. Maybe someone in our family. Better yet, maybe somebody we don't particularly like. someone we've already filed away in a category and stopped seeing as fully human. Now ask: Do I really know the person, or do I only know the label? What would happen if I learned their story? Pray for them, by name. Then have a real conversation. Ask intentional questions to learn more about the person. Listen. Don't debate. Don’t qualify what you hear. Just listen. Labeling saves us work. That's the uncomfortable truth. Knowing someone requires time. Listening requires humility. Understanding requires curiosity. Love requires effort. Jesus asks us to do the harder thing: to see the child of God underneath the label. Maybe the challenge isn't to stop noticing our differences. Maybe the challenge is to stop allowing our differences to keep us from seeing one another.  God did not create us to run AGAINST others or compete with labels, but rather to run WITH HIM in our heart and head.  Remember there will come a time when a wolf and a lamb will graze together and the lion, like an ox will eat straw (Isa. 65:25).  There will be no place for labels.