Creating Her Best Life

Have you ever caught yourself thinking, "I'll be happy when…"? When life settles down. When someone treats you differently. When you lose the weight. When you finally reach that goal, meet that person, or have the thing you've been wanting. But here's the tricky part: there's always another when. In this episode, I'm talking about what happens when we keep putting our happiness somewhere in the future or in someone else's hands. And more importantly, how to start taking an active role in creating a life you actually enjoy. Because being in charge of your happiness doesn't mean feeling happy every minute. You're still going to experience disappointment, grief, frustration, and hard days. It means recognizing that your happiness doesn't have to depend on everyone else doing everything right. We'll explore the ways we unknowingly give other people power over our experiences, how easily we can lose ourselves in taking care of everyone else, and why it's so important to build a life that includes our own needs, interests, relationships, rest, and fun. I also talk about the moments of happiness we walk right past because we're too busy worrying about tomorrow or replaying yesterday. Sometimes creating more happiness starts with something as simple as reaching out to someone, making plans you're excited about, having a conversation you've been avoiding, or allowing yourself to enjoy what's already in front of you. So here's a question worth asking yourself: Does the life you're building actually include you? You don't have to wait for everything to change before you begin enjoying your life. You deserve to enjoy the life you're working so hard to build.

Have you ever wanted to do something, say something, or ask for something—and before you even took the first step, you were already imagining how someone might respond? Maybe they'll say no. Maybe they'll disagree. Maybe they won't choose you. And before anything has even happened, you've already decided what their response will mean about you. In this episode, we're talking about projection and the stories we create around other people's reactions. Because sometimes what keeps us stuck isn't actually rejection—it's what we're afraid rejection will confirm. "They said no" becomes "I'm not enough." "They disagree" becomes "I should've kept my mouth shut." "They didn't choose me" becomes "I'm not someone people love." That's a lot of weight to put on one person's answer. There's the pain of what happens, and then there's the story we tell ourselves afterward. And sometimes, we start telling that story before anything has even happened. We reject our own ideas. We stay quiet. We convince ourselves we're too old, too much, too inexperienced, or that it's safer not to try. But what if someone else's response didn't get to decide what you believe about yourself? We'll talk about the fear underneath so much of this—the tender question of, "If I show you the real me, will you still love me?"—and how that fear can slowly teach us to hide parts of ourselves in order to protect connection. You don't have to become fearless before you put yourself out there. You can feel afraid and still send the message. You can feel unsure and still ask the question. You can care what people think and still share something that matters to you. This week, I want you to notice one thing you've been holding back because you're afraid of the response—and give yourself the chance to find out what's actually possible. Because whatever the answer is, you can stay on your own side. You deserve the chance to be seen, to be known, and to find out what's possible.

What if quitting doesn't happen all at once? When we think about quitting, we usually think about the big moments: leaving the job, ending the relationship, giving up on the goal, walking away from the thing we said we wanted. But most quitting happens long before that. It happens quietly, in the tiny moments when you stop doing the things that were helping you. You stop keeping promises to yourself. You tell yourself you'll do it tomorrow or next week. You stop showing up the same way. You stop believing something is possible because you haven't seen the results yet. The big quit is often just the final decision after a hundred little quits. And just like becoming the woman you've always been capable of being happens through small decisions, quietly quitting on her does too. In this episode, we're talking about how to recognize those first little moments of checking out—and what it looks like to come back before you've completely walked away. Not by fixing everything. Not by starting over. Maybe it's one phone call. One conversation. One walk. One boundary. One application. One decision. One promise you keep to yourself today. Because small decisions create evidence. And repeated often enough, that evidence becomes the story you believe about who you are. So ask yourself: Where am I quietly quitting—and what would it look like to simply come back?

Something happened last week that made me angry. And not the kind of angry that disappears after a few minutes. It stuck with me for days. My instinct was to do what I think a lot of us do: get myself back to "fine" as quickly as possible. It's fine. I'm fine. It'll be okay. Everything happens for a reason. Just let it go. But what if you're not fine yet? What if you're mad? Disappointed? Hurt? Frustrated? What if you know everything will eventually be okay, but right now… it isn't? In this episode, I'm talking about how quickly we try to rush ourselves through uncomfortable emotions. We look for the lesson, change the thought, find the positive, give someone the benefit of the doubt, or remind ourselves how much we have to be grateful for. And those things can all be true. But they don't make what you're feeling any less real. Every emotion doesn't need to be fixed. Sometimes it just needs to be felt. There's a difference between feeling an emotion and acting from it. You can be angry and pause. You can be disappointed without making it mean something about you. You can be frustrated without burning everything down. And there's a big difference between "I have to be fine" and "I know I'll be okay." One rushes you out of what you're feeling. The other gives you permission to feel it while still trusting yourself through it. You don't have to find the silver lining five minutes after something hurts. You don't have to turn every uncomfortable emotion into a self-improvement project. You don't have to be fine yet.

Sometimes we really do need more information, time, or perspective. But other times, "I don't know" becomes a place to hide when the answer we already have feels uncomfortable. Because knowing what you want doesn't mean acting on it will be easy. It might mean having a conversation you've been avoiding. Setting a boundary someone won't like. Making a change without knowing exactly how it will turn out. Or finally admitting that something you've been tolerating isn't working anymore. And that's where it gets easy to confuse uncertainty with fear. In this episode, I'm talking about what happens when overthinking keeps us stuck, why we sometimes search for another answer when we already have one, and how to start trusting ourselves even when certainty isn't available. You don't have to know exactly how everything will turn out before you take your next step. Maybe you just have to get quiet enough to admit what you already know.