We Hadn't Spoken in 6 Weeks. Then My Dad Died by Suicide.

🎧 In this episode, you'll get: Language for the guilt that can follow suicide loss Permission to stop chasing an answer you may never get A reason to ask for help before you think you “need” it A better way to think about therapy when the first person isn't the right fit A frame for the three paths grief can put in front of you: fall apart, white-knuckle it, or use it Permission to cry, talk about your dad, and stop treating emotion like weakness Ideas for keeping your dad present through music, traditions, and rituals Scott Panov never imagined his dad would die by suicide. They hadn't spoken for six weeks after a family disagreement. After his dad died, Scott was left with guilt, anger, and questions he knew might never be answered. That night, he asked for help. This one's about suicide loss, therapy, letting go of blame, and realizing the dad you thought was superhuman was human too. 👨 Meet Scott Panov Scott is a son, father, hockey coach, artist, and advocate for men's mental health. After his dad Nikolai died by suicide in 2023, Scott sought trauma therapy and grief counselling. It changed how he thought about strength. Instead of carrying everything alone, he started talking, asking for help, sharing how he felt, and supporting other men who were struggling. ⏱️ Episode chapters 00:00 — “I never would've seen it coming” 01:00 — Welcome Scott Panov 02:50 — Meet Nikolai 04:30 — Measuring yourself against your father 07:00 — Dad and Splash Mountain 10:15 — Men who weren't taught to talk 10:55 — August 24, 2023 11:40 — The phone call from Mom 12:50 — The signs nobody understood 14:35 — We hadn't spoken for six weeks 16:00 — Telling his kids 17:45 — His superhuman dad was human 18:30 — The backpack full of rocks 18:55 — Searching for a reason 19:20 — Asking for help that night 22:00 — Trauma therapy 23:15 — The three paths after trauma 24:45 — Making emotion a superpower 25:30 — Finding the right therapist 29:00 — Becoming kinder to himself 30:00 — Men's mental health 31:50 — Buying Dad records every birthday 34:30 — Where his grief is now 36:00 — “I miss my dad” 37:00 — Scott's advice to other men Meet another guy in the club: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yutMlctDGYE 🖤 About Dead Dads Dead Dads is a podcast for men figuring out life after losing their dad. Hosted by Roger Nairn and Scott Cunningham, the show features honest conversations about father loss, grief, identity, family, memory, masculinity, and everything that happens after your dad dies. No grief brochure voice. No tidy healing arc. You're not alone. If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, reach out for help. In Canada and the U.S., call or text 988. ☕ Support the show: https://buymeacoffee.com/deaddadspodcast Website: https://www.deaddadspodcast.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/deaddadspodcast/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@dead.dads.podcast Substack: https://substack.com/@deaddadspodcast New episodes every week. Produced with the support of JAR Podcast Solutions: https://jarpodcasts.com/