You Can’t Out-Charm Burnout

Fair warning: this one's personal for both of us, and we share deeply personal examples. Everybody says they're "so burnt out," usually about a Tuesday. This episode is about the other kind. The kind where two weeks of vacation does absolutely nothing. The kind where you cry on the drive into a building you used to love walking into. The kind where the people who know you best start quietly wondering where you went. Flo goes first, with her early management years, when she was doing her own job plus half of an analyst's, and the most she had left at the end of the day was a Tetris knockoff on the couch with her dog. Then it's Andrew's turn: 16 years and 8 months at a company he loved (yes, he knows the date to the month; ADHD brains keep receipts for the strangest things), and the moment he realized he couldn't out-charm the reports that were due. Then they get practical, because the goal is to catch it before the crying-in-the-car stage. In this episode: What burnout actually is. Jonathan Malesic's definition, the gap between what you expect from work and what work actually is, plus Christina Maslach's three warning signs: exhaustion, cynicism, and ineffectiveness Flo's canyon. How a small gap between "what work should be" and "what work is" slowly erodes into the Grand Canyon The long-term cost of masking. Andrew spent 17 years changing roles every couple of years, which looked like ambition and was really outrunning his own brain. It works right up until the pyramid runs out of rungs The ADHD death spiral. Executive function, motivation, emotional regulation: once one domino goes, the rest are very cooperative Self-checks that actually work. The weekend test, the Sunday-night gut check, and why emotional flatness is a bigger warning sign than sadness Burnout guilt vs. impostor syndrome. Impostor syndrome worries you'll be found out. Burnout guilt is "I can't contribute anymore." Same sinking feeling, very different problem When cynicism grows teeth. Sarcasm is a love language. Cynicism is a symptom The most important question at work: "Hey, are you okay?" Start with your body, then find the words. Flo's coach move, plus a free tool for it Andrew, a begrudging convert to positive psychology. Don't tell anyone For leaders: an EAP phone number, alone, is not a burnout strategy Resources & links From the episode Jonathan Malesic, The End of Burnout: Why Work Drains Us and How to Build Better Lives — where Flo's definition comes from. UC Press · jonathanmalesic.com The Maslach Burnout Inventory — Christina Maslach's research gave us exhaustion, cynicism, and ineffectiveness as the three dimensions of burnout. Mind Garden World Health Organization: "Burn-out an occupational phenomenon" — the WHO uses the same three dimensions. Burnout is a work problem, not a personal failing. who.int Social baseline theory — Flo's point about why connection lowers stress: Beckes, L., & Coan, J. A. (2011). doi.org/10.1111/j.1751-9004.2011.00400.x The Feelings Wheel — free, and exactly as useful as Flo says. Check in with your body first, then find the word. feelingswheel.com Something we didn't get to Autistic burnout is its own thing. It's more pervasive than job burnout, it can include losing skills you used to have, and it deserves its own conversation. If that sounds familiar, start here: Raymaker et al. (2020), Defining Autistic Burnout. Free copy at Portland State From us Twice the Spice, Twice the Nice? — the long version of my burnout story, and what twice-exceptional really means. Read it The Cost of Masking: Workplace Connection — Flo on why masking makes work lonelier. Read it Our Resources page — crisis lines, ADHD organizations, and more. differentatwork.com/resources Sources The Feelings Wheel: interactive version at feelingswheel.com, adapted from Gloria Willcox's original Feeling Wheel (1982). Malesic, J. (2022). The End of Burnout: Why Work Drains Us and How to Build Better Lives. University of California Press. Maslach, C., & Jackson, S. E. (1981). The measurement of experienced burnout. Journal of Occupational Behaviour, 2(2), 99–113. https://doi.org/10.1002/job.4030020205 World Health Organization. (2019). Burn-out an "occupational phenomenon": International Classification of Diseases (ICD-11). https://www.who.int/news/item/28-05-2019-burn-out-an-occupational-phenomenon-international-classification-of-diseases Beckes, L., & Coan, J. A. (2011). Social baseline theory: The role of social proximity in emotion and economy of action. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 5(12), 976–988. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1751-9004.2011.00400.x Raymaker, D. M., et al. (2020). "Having all of your internal resources exhausted beyond measure and being left with no clean-up crew": Defining autistic burnout. Autism in Adulthood, 2(2), 132–143. https://doi.org/10.1089/aut.2019.0079