He Can Run a Meeting but Not a Dishwasher

When someone keeps saying “I can’t,” the work doesn’t go away. Someone else picks it up. This week, Kim and Rose sit down with therapist Annie Wright to talk about weaponized incompetence, which is what happens when one person does a task badly, or claims they can’t do it at all, until the more capable person takes over. Annie shows that the viral term is actually about emotional labor and what she calls “patriarchy made personal.” Wright talks about why ambitious, feminist women still end up carrying the load and how the same pattern follows them into the office. She also has advice for anyone who’s ready to stop rescuing. Finally, Kim and Rose open the episode with what has made them mad as hell this week: Attacks on women in public life and the fight over reproductive choice. In this episode: Attacks on women in public life and the fight over reproductive autonomy What weaponized incompetence is, and how it differs from real inability Emotional labor as the mental map that keeps a household running How childhood parentification teaches women that being useful means being loved What the person playing incompetent gets out of it Where gaslighting and weaponized incompetence overlap How the pattern shows up at work, in meeting notes, calendars and nonpromotable tasks How to break the pattern: name it, hand over real ownership, stop rescuing, and watch the response Got something to say? Call 202-628-8669 or send a voice memo to [email protected]. Guest: Annie Wright, LMFT, is a psychotherapist and author whose work focuses on the emotional and relational patterns that leave driven women carrying too much. She is licensed in fifteen U.S. jurisdictions and writes the Psychology Today column Making the Whole Beautiful and the Substack Strong & Stable. Her first book, The Everything Years, comes out from W.W. Norton in 2027. Today’s featured chapter: West Virginia #weaponizedincompetence #emotionallabor #feminism Follow us on social media:  Find Kim on Instagram @KimVillanueva_NOW, and find Rose on X @BrunacheRose. Find NOW here:  Instagram: @nationalnow  TikTok: @national_now  BlueSky: @nationalnow.bsky.social  Facebook: NationalNOW Find Annie Wright: Website: https://anniewright.com/ Weaponized incompetence: https://anniewright.com/weaponized-incompetence/