Find love after 40 with Renée Suzanne

It really sucks to put your best foot forward, get on a dating app and start chatting with guys and then have them send you an inappropriate picture.It’s awful and beyond disrespectful. It infuriates me that men do this and if this has happened to you, I’m so sorry. People really should treat each other better than this.But before you delete your dating apps and swear off dating and/or men, I want you to hear me out. I’m going to talk about why this happens and how you can shut it down. Online dating can be a depersonalizing experience, just like being in traffic. We treat each other much worse in traffic than we would walking on the sidewalk. Dating apps are a lot like this. We all tend to forget there are actual humans behind those pixels. So do your best to remember and not take this personally. It’s human nature. I still want you to block and delete men who do this, but don’t take it personally or swear off the apps. Now let’s talk about my best tips for making sure you never experience this again. Make sure your profile is PG rated. You can show a little cleavage and look good, but no bikini shots or showing too much skin. You can save those kinds of things for when he’s your boyfriend. Pictures like this tend to attract the wrong kind of attention. This extends to what you write in your profile. Nothing suggestive. No talk of massages or anything steamy. When men send you messages or texts, they often start to test the waters by being flirty or suggestive. If you tolerate this it tends to escalate and that’s when they start sending this stuff. I suggest you shut it down immediately if there’s anything suggestive happening in those early messages. If this resonates with you, I want you to go to bit.ly/ForeverMan or click here to apply or for a call with me where we’ll create your very own custom man plan to help you get into the kind of relationship you really want.

Sushi, oysters, BBQ joints, hookah bars, how to connect with random people and have conversations, how to appreciate men, even men I’d never see again. Running around the city in my heels meeting random men who opened doors for me, bought me dinners and drinks, sometimes showed up drunk and tried to kiss me on first dates, and often broke my heart taught me so much. Thank you to all the men who taught me how to do this and spending a few hours and some (or a lot) of your hard earned money to get to know me. Sometimes I was an entitled brat. Most of the time, I needed to get over myself and realize that I was not the hottest thing on Match.com either. Sometimes I wasn’t as nice as I should have been. Sometimes the guys weren’t either. But I learned so much from my journey and I’m grateful for all of it. As difficult, awkward and downright painful as it was, I’d do it all over again twice just to be with my husband today.He is so worth it. I’m so grateful for everything I learned, including how to connect with other humans in a non-transactional way. Top things I learned: How to get over myself (I’m still working on this one) How to prioritize what’s really important and what is not How to ask the right questions How to set boundaries How to love myself and what that really means I really was not the hottest thing on Match.com I have a great resource to help you write an amazing profile so that you can find a quality man ASAP. Click here to download it or go to bit.ly/gr8profile

If you have children, you’ve probably experienced entitlement. It can be maddening, but it’s part of growing up and hopefully it passes. But I see a lot of entitlement in the dating space. I think the prevalence of Disney movies, romance novels, TV and chick flicks contribute to this. We know these things are just entertainment and we don’t consciously mean to internalize them the way we do, but it’s clear to me that a lot of us feel entitled to things that just aren’t realistic. A wonderful romantic relationship with the man of your dreams is one of the most amazing things you can experience in this world, but it is not your birthright, no more than winning the lottery, the olympics or being a CEO is your birthright. These things may be possible for you with work and persistence, but you are not entitled to them simply for existing. And in case you haven’t noticed, most people don’t have these things. What you’re going for is kind of a big deal. Now, I happen to think that having a wonderful romantic relationship is one of the easier things to get (compared to winning the lottery or the olympics) but it’s still going to involve some work. Probably a lot. I suggest that if you really want to experience this, you make your peace with it and roll up your sleeves. Things you think you’re entitled to but aren’t: Meeting the love of your life with ease It’s work to go out and meet people. It takes time and effort. And they’re not all going to be amazing or interested in dating you and that’s ok. Having a hassle-free dating experience Drama and hardship can be minimized by learning basic dating skills, but it can’t be completely avoided. You will have bad phone calls/dates/experiences. You will get stood up, ghosted and pull in a few wingnuts. You are playing a big game here and this is the price of admission. Don’t go to pieces when these things happen. They are normal. You are a grown woman and you are going to be ok. Dust yourself off and keep going for what you want in this world. Finding a guy who has all of the qualities you desire who also wants to date you If your list is on the long side (more than 10 traits) and has superficial qualities on it (like height, income, fitness level) you will likely get 70-90% of what you want. Make sure it’s the RIGHT 70-90%. Holding out longer is generally a terrible idea because time is not your friend in the over 40 dating space. A man who checks all the boxes perfectly He calls in advance, always makes a reservation to a fabulous restaurant, buys you flowers, is attentive but not clingy, and generally reads your mind. These men don’t exist. Start working on aligning your expectations with reality. Having a perfect relationship without effort Even when you find a great guy there will always be some work involved. And that’s ok. I’m not trying to scold you here. I KNOW how hard it is out there and my heart goes out to you. Dating is not for the faint of heart and you will get your butt kicked sometimes. I want to normalize this experience for you so that you won’t lose heart or quit when the going gets tough because it will. And when it does, I want you to remember that this is 100% normal. Nothing has gone wrong. Your guy is still out there looking for you and likely going through his own struggles. If you keep showing up, he’ll be able to find you and you’ll both be so glad. I don’t want you to think for a second that any of these things means that it’s not meant to be for you. Love is meant to be for you, simply because you want it. And you will for sure get what you want if you keep learning from these experiences and don’t give up. It’ll be a lot easier for you if you question all your beliefs about what you’re entitled to. I have a great resource to help you write an amazing profile so that you can find a quality man ASAP. Click here to download it or go to bit.ly/gr8profile

Most of us want to feel an emotional connection with the person we’re dating. If things feel as bland as a piece of dry toast, your relationship is not likely to last. But sometimes we cross the line into Drama Central, where we expect every exchange to be a heated declaration of emotional connection, a confession of vulnerability, trials or deep dark secrets. We sometimes bond over our traumas and life’s tribulations, especially if we didn’t have the most amazing upbringing, and so many of us didn’t. It’s easy to wind up telling men things we shouldn’t and/or allowing them to use our dates as therapy sessions. It all feels so intense, like you’re really bonding and creating a meaningful connection but this is not healthy. Want proof? Think about the last few relationships you had emotional intensity in. All the fireworks, passion and drama. The confessions of feelings, all the stuff. What happened? Where are these guys now? Did those emotional experiences create the lasting bond you were hoping for? What wins the day in healthy relationships are consistent, predictable connections over time. Having someone in your life who is responsible, someone you can count on. Now think about your best friend. Do you have crazy emotional intensity with them? It’s unlikely that you do. You’re more likely to describe a stable relationship where you feel safe, heard, and understood. Our nervous systems don’t respond well to constant upheaval and constant upheaval doesn’t create healthy relationships. When it comes to a healthy relationship, slow and steady wins out over fast and intense. If your relationships tend to go up in smoke pretty much before they begin, this might be why. Instead of focusing on intensity, try getting to know new men gradually and letting the connection build.It will feel weird at first, but this is how a healthy connection develops. If this resonates with you, click here to apply for a call with me where we’ll create your very own custom man plan to help you get into the kind of relationship you really want.

If you’ve been single for longer than a year or so I can pretty much guarantee you that your situation is not a product of just not having met the right guy. You are looking at a mindset gap or a skill gap, and most likely both. Unless you address these things, you are likely to not only remain single, but create and intensify unhealthy dating patterns and it will get harder as you age. Continuing to hope that you just run into the right guy one of these days or that love will just happen to you is a terrible plan. Creating and sustaining a healthy relationship requires much more skill than luck, so I suggest you start building those skills now. Work and change will be required, but it’s the only way forward. The reason for this is that good relationships don’t happen to us, they are built. We are the ones who are responsible for building them, one day at a time, one conversation at a time. You have to start with the right kind of person, but in order to do that, you have to have the skills to present yourself well, vet the men you date and resist the temptation to look outside of yourself for the “perfect man” to show up and create an instant relationship with you. It simply doesn’t work that way. The dating process, showing up, talking to men, going on dates, vetting men, communicating with them, setting boundaries and standing for your must-haves are all part of this. Those are the things that make you able to have the kind of relationship you really want. If you cut corners on these things, you won’t be able to create a healthy relationship no matter who you meet. You’ll pass on good men for the exciting ones who will turn out not to be the answer. You are the answer, not the guy. You are the one who is going to have to do this. And you can. It requires getting your reps in and building the skills to vet men and have healthy relationships. There’s no shortcut, but building these skills is the quickest way to get what you really want out there. It’s kind of like training for a marathon or getting stronger in the gym. You get your reps in and build your strength. And then you get to enjoy the results. I have a great resource to help you find a quality man ASAP. Click here to get instant access or go to bit.ly/MANPLAN