What Will They Say? | Denise Soler Cox on Grief, Identity, and Cultural Taboos

Filmmaker, author, and speaker Denise Soler Cox joins Nina Rodriguez, host of Grief and Light™, to explore Latina identity, inherited cultural taboos, sibling grief, self-erasure, and what it takes to reclaim your voice. Drawing on her book, What Will They Say? A Liberating Guide for Latinas, Denise shares how the rules we inherit about family, belonging, and worthiness can shape the way we live, work, grieve, and show up for ourselves. After her documentary Being Eñye gained attention, Denise spent more than a decade speaking about identity and belonging. At hundreds of events, women began confiding secrets they had never told anyone. Those conversations became the foundation for her book, which explores ten recurring taboos, including childhood experiences of sexual assault and witnessing domestic violence. In this conversation, Denise and Nina discuss how cultural expectations, shame, and the pressure to be strong can lead to self-silencing, overgiving, and difficulty setting boundaries or advocating for ourselves. They explore the tension between collectivist cultural values and individual needs, and how we can honor where we come from without inheriting every rule. Denise also introduces thermal equilibrium, a physics concept that became a central metaphor for healing in her book. What happens when we stop burying painful experiences and allow truth, warmth, and connection to reach the parts of ourselves we've kept hidden? Denise reflects on writing the book, grieving her brother David, and recognizing how not having space for her own grief became one of her earliest lessons in self-erasure. In this episode, we explore: Latina identity, belonging, and the experience of living between cultures Inherited cultural taboos, shame, and the question, “What will they say?” (El ¿Qué dirán?) How overworking, over-giving, and people-pleasing can become patterns of self-erasure The tension between collectivism, familismo, and individual needs How childhood experiences can shape adult confidence, boundaries, and self-advocacy Sibling grief, the pressure to be strong, and the cost of hiding our pain Thermal equilibrium as a metaphor for healing and emotional truth Reinvention, liberation, and learning to return to ourselves Key takeaways Self-erasure can begin when we learn to minimize our feelings and needs to protect others or maintain belonging. Grief isn't limited to the loss of a person. We can also grieve the versions of ourselves we were expected to become. Healing doesn't require us to have everything figured out. It begins with making room for the truth of our experiences. We can honor our families and cultural roots while questioning inherited beliefs that no longer serve us. Being witnessed without judgment or the pressure to fix our pain can help us reconnect with ourselves. What is thermal equilibrium in Denise Soler Cox's book What Will They Say? Thermal equilibrium is a physics concept Denise uses as a metaphor for healing. She describes warmth moving toward cold and connects that process to allowing truth, connection, and compassion to reach the painful experiences we've kept hidden. What is What Will They Say? A Liberating Guide for Latinas about? Denise Soler Cox's book explores ten recurring cultural taboos shared by women after her speaking engagements. It examines how inherited expectations, shame, and silence can shape Latina identity, self-worth, relationships, and professional lives. How does self-erasure relate to grief? Denise reflects on how she was expected to be strong after her brother David died, leaving little room for her own grief. She came to recognize that experience as an early lesson in self-erasure: learning to minimize her own pain because another's seemed to matter more. How can cultural expectations affect self-worth? Cultural expectations around family loyalty, sacrifice, success, and keeping private matters private can influence how people value themselves. When those expectations leave little room for personal needs, they may contribute to overgiving, shame, difficulty setting boundaries, and reluctance to speak up. Is What Will They Say? available in Spanish? Yes. Denise confirms that What Will They Say? is available in both English and Spanish, making it possible for readers and family members to engage with the book in their preferred language. Connect with Denise Soler Cox: denisesolercox.com Buy the book Instagram: @denisesolercox Send us Fan Mail Support the show Grief and Light™ is an award-winning, independent podcast exploring the honest, messy, and deeply human experience of loss. We’re on a mission to foster a more grief-informed, hopeful world, one conversation at a time. At the heart of the show is one belief: to grieve fully is to live fully. Subscribe to our newsletter here. 🏆 Ear Worthy Best Life Lessons 2026 · TalkDeath Readers’ Choice Best Podcast 2025 · 2x Women Who Podcast Awards Winner · Podground Editor’s Pick Follow Grief and Light™ wherever you watch or listen. Connect with Nina Rodriguez: griefandlight.com @griefandlight Resting Grief Face on Substack Thank you for listening! DISCLAIMER: Grief and Light™ is an independent podcast hosted by a grief-informed guide, not a licensed therapist, doctor, or attorney. Nothing shared here is intended as therapy, medical advice, or legal counsel. Please seek qualified professional support when needed. Disclaimer: griefandlight.com/safetyanddisclaimers