5 Thinking Traps Your Brain Feeds to Your Kitchen Sink Voice

Do you ever use your resentment (or your doubt, or your fear) to write the history of your relationship? Today, we’re exploring 5 cognitive distortions that feed your Kitchen Sink Voice all the resentment it needs to thrive. I’ll offer you a definition of cognitive distortions and help you see how they’re poisoning your relationship We’ll explore where and why these cognitive distortions arise, so you can head them off at the pass And I’ll help you see how to access curiosity and compassion to turn your relationship around Complaint > Criticism > Curiosity > Compassion > Connection This is the path from alienation to happily ever after. The trick is: don’t believe everything your Kitchen Sink Voice tells you. We’ve all made up stories in our head about our partners. He forgets the ice cream at the grocery store, and you tell yourself the lie, it’s because he thinks I’m fat. It’s not that your brain is broken. Far from it. We all want to fill in any incomplete information with certainty. Psychologists call these patterns cognitive distortions. In this week’s episode, I walk you through five of the ones I see most often in relationships: Mindreading: I know exactly what you’re thinking. Catastrophizing: You create the worst-case-scenario. All-or-nothing thinking: You always… You never… Personalizing: It’s all my fault Disqualifying the positive: Nevermind all the clean counters. Look at the one crumb you left behind. Habit for Your Happily Ever After This week’s habit for your happily ever after is to notice when you experience the hiccough of a cognitive distortion. But it's not to catch yourself having a cognitive distortion and then beat yourself up. Instead, the goal is to become curious. Am I mindreading and certain I know what my partner is thinking? When am I most likely to catastrophize? Am I turning “sometimes” into “always” or “never?” When am I likely to take responsibility for things that aren’t mine? Do I overlook the positive to see what’s still wrong? When you get curious about your Kitchen Sink Voice, you take away its omniscient and omnipotent power. You expose the wizard behind the curtain. Date Night Discussion This week I invite you to find a moment to say to your partner, “The story I’m telling myself is…” This is a great way to introduce your Kitchen Sink Voice to your partner. Want more? Discover another cognitive distortion: compare and despair Links I Mention Explore The Work of Byron Katie How to stay in your own business in your relationship Connect to Improve Your Relationship Communication Visit the show notes. Buy my book. Listen to my book. Please subscribe to my newsletter here. This unlocks personal invitations from me only available to my subscribers. Follow me on Tik Tok. Follow me on Instagram. Reach me at 970-210-4480