When Being Nice Kept You Safe, But Costs You Your Power [Coaching Session] | EP 88

Being nice can be one of the most effective ways we learn to stay safe in the world, but also, with that, one of the most costly... For this episode, an anonymous guest sat down with me in a live coaching session to face the honest realities of this. This man had come to the podcast feeling like he couldn’t bring himself fully into the world. There was an incongruency between who he knew himself to be and how he portrayed himself on the outside: a common challenge that I see with many of the men I work with. What surfaced was a childhood of neglect, with parents moving through their own difficult experiences, that had left him feeling like he was too much, like his needs were a burden. Alongside that came a disconnection from his clarity and anger, and with that, his power. As we see here, maintaining this illusion of niceness has come at a great cost, and this session looks intimately at the impact it is now having on his life. Over time, we arrive at what sits in the gap between who we are and what we present on the outside: shame. And the less willing we're to feel it, the bigger the mask has to become. In this episode discover: How starting school a year younger than everyone around him left him carrying the identity of the little boy, and how the roles we take on early can follow us into adulthood How growing up the youngest of three, with an overwhelmed mother, taught him to keep his needs to himself, and why so many of us learn to avoid being a burden What growing up with an angry father taught him about anger Why your anger itself is neutral, and how shame gets stacked on top of it Why reconnecting with your power can bring up sadness and grief How the nice guy who keeps everyone comfortable ends up exhausted, and why criticism stings so much when you’re wearing that mask Why your willingness to feel shame is a prerequisite for leading and showing up powerfully Why you cannot be powerful if you cannot accept feeling powerless at times How the urge to prove yourself keeps reinforcing the very insecurity you are trying to escape What stayed with me most was the moment, he recognized that shame doesn’t have to be his enemy. That it could become a friend, the same way his anger could. Even while choosing to remain anonymous, he let himself be seen more fully than many of us ever allow, and I hold deep respect for the courage that took. This episode's for anyone who has worked so hard at being liked that they've quietly lost touch with their anger, power, and the person underneath the mask. — Connect with Alex: ◼ Think we might be a good fit to work together? Schedule a free connection call: https://ahb8n7i1908.typeform.com/to/ddTCwpJP ◼ Website: https://www.alexlehmann.co ◼ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/alexlehmann_/ ◼ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@heartofmanpodcast ◼ Listen on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/heart-of-man/id1697289478 ◼ Email: [email protected]