Darra Gordon on Second-Parent Adoption, Allyship and the Fight for Every Family

Most people assume marriage equality settled the question of who counts as a parent. Darra Gordon wishes that were true. In this episode of Love, Take Two, hosted by José Rolón and Jaimie Kelton, the CEO of Family Equality explains why LGBTQ parents still have to adopt their own children, and how uneven state laws leave families exposed. Darra shares her own experience: after she gave birth, she and her wife had to go through the courts for a second-parent adoption, with home visits and letters vouching for a parent who had been raising her child from day one. Jaimie shares the birth certificate that listed her as the father, and the clerk who would not fix it without a marriage certificate while a newborn screamed in the background. José talks about what it took to close out his late husband’s estate without the right protections in place. Darra also takes us through her own Take Two. She came out later in life and began her nonprofit career at Hetrick-Martin Institute, spending fifteen years supporting some of the most vulnerable LGBTQ youth in the country. From there she moved to GLAAD to work on a national stage, and then to Family Equality, where she says every step she took finally made sense. It was the place where her personal life and her life’s work came together, from getting her kids to school in the morning to pushing legislation forward. The conversation moves from heavy to joyful and back again. Darra describes Family Week in Provincetown as the world she wants to see, where families who spend the year fighting for their rights gather in the sunshine. José admits he now refuses to book a wedding that weekend, and tells the story of the underwear party that taught him nobody is looking. The group talks about the annual gala, which raises nearly a quarter of the organization’s budget, and why it matters that it is a place where kids are welcome. Darra also speaks candidly about the attacks on trans youth, a sermon at an Atlanta church that reminded her there are more people for us than against us, and why allies can reach rooms that LGBTQ speakers cannot. She closes with the legacy she hopes to leave, including the John Lewis Every Child Deserves a Family Act, and a moment on the street when a stranger thanked her for helping save his family, with her son watching. This is a conversation about hope as something you do, not just something you feel, and what it takes to build the sequel when the stakes are your own family. Key Takeaways Why second-parent and confirmatory adoption still exist, and what Darra and her wife went through to be legal parents of their own child How Darra went from fifteen years at Hetrick-Martin Institute to GLAAD to Family Equality, and why she calls it a calling What Family Week in Provincetown and the annual gala say about joy as part of the work Why allies can move people who might tune out an LGBTQ voice, and how kids are already shutting down stigma on the playground Practical ways to help: share your story, donate, talk about it at the dinner table, push for Spirit Day at your school, and vote for pro-equality candidates