He Didn’t Kiss Me, Total Spiral: Why You Take Things So Personally

Send us Fan Mail I got triggered. BIG TIME. Last week my husband didn’t kiss me goodnight. The next morning, he left for work without kissing me goodbye. No fight. No argument. No obvious reason. My brain immediately went to: “Why is he mad at me? What did I do wrong? Does he even love me? Is he going to leave?” Cue the tears, sadness, anger—and a HUGE feeling of rejection. I grabbed my phone and recorded this episode because this seemingly tiny moment illustrates three huge truths: It’s never about what someone did. It's what your brain decided it means about YOU. You can know “the truth” and still get swept away by your nervous system’s wounds, triggers, and protective adaptations. Until you know how to restore your own sense of safety and sufficiency, stress will just continue to sabotage you and your relationships. In this raw, vulnerable episode, I'm taking you inside my own emotional trigger in real time to show you how differently I handle moments like this after years of getting to the root of my patterns, better understanding my nervous system, and learning to stop outsourcing my worth to other people's love and approval.   BY THE TIME YOU FINISH LISTENING, YOU'LL DISCOVER: Why seemingly tiny things can trigger disproportionately BIG emotions How childhood beliefs about earning love and belonging show up in random everyday moments as an adult Why intellectually knowing nothing’s wrong doesn't necessarily mean you FEEL safe What I now do instead of numbing or suppressing my emotions The crucial difference between asking for what you want and making someone else responsible for how you feel How unspoken quid-pro-quo expectations just breed resentment and conflict Why healing doesn’t mean you won’t get triggered anymore And more!     FOR SO MUCH MORE: Take my FREE quiz to find out your default stress response: https://solutionsforsimplicity.myflodesk.com/stress-response-podcast  Grab my on-demand “Nervous System Fundamentals” masterclass to finally understand your brain and body like never before: https://solutionsforsimplicity.thrivecart.com/fundamentals/   Join my 6-week Moms Made New program so stress no longer sabotages you—or your relationships: https://solutionsforsimplicity.myflodesk.com/mmn-waitlist  Book a free consult with me: https://tidycal.com/solutionsforsimplicity/free-consult    HOMEWORK:  Think about the last time you got triggered by someone else. Pause and get clear on the thought you had in between whatever they did and how it made you feel. How easy is it for you to change your thoughts? What underlying beliefs or nervous system patterning might be in the way? Reach out to me via email or on Instagram @solutionsforsimplicity to share your thoughts. And don’t forget to share this episode with another mama who needs to hear it!   COMING UP NEXT: Join me back next Tuesday at 5am Eastern to keep unpacking the hidden sources of stress stealing your time and joy. Loving this podcast? Please help it get found by more listeners by taking quick minute to leave a rating & review in Apple Podcasts. Take a screenshot of your text review before you submit it, then email that to [email protected] and I'll send you my powerful Happy Mom Protocol™ (a $297 value) FOR FREE! CONNECT WITH AMBER: Website | Instagram | YouTube | LinkedIn  Ready to finally get to the root of your problems and change your life FOR GOOD? Book your free 60-minute consult to learn more about working 1:1 with Dr. Amber.