145: The Decision No Parent Should Have to Make

Send Jen a Text Message The diagnosis. The quiet in the room. And then all the questions that came after. What if he was wrong? What if I chose differently? What if it was something I did? If you’ve ever replayed the decisions around your baby’s death over and over, this conversation is for you. My guest today is Sabrina Fletcher, a TFMR bereavement doula. In 2018, at her 11-to-14-week scan, Sabrina learned that her very wanted second baby was very sick. Living outside Mexico City, she faced strict legal timelines, a second opinion that didn’t even look at her scans, and a bus ride across the state line where she wondered, “Am I a criminal?” Her loss looks different from stillbirth. But the guilt, the “what ifs,” the people who tried to tell her what her loss meant, and the fear of forgetting her baby? You’ll recognize all of it. Sabrina now supports families through TFMR with small groups, one-on-one sessions, her podcast Our TFMR Stories, and her membership, The TFMR Support Sanctuary. A note before you listen: this episode talks about termination for medical reasons, prenatal diagnosis, and the decisions around it. In this episode, you’ll hear:  Why the moment of diagnosis can feel just like hearing “there’s no heartbeat” The “what if” questions that haunt so many loss moms, and why they don’t mean you did something wrong. How false urgency rushes families through decisions about their baby, and what Sabrina wishes she’d been given time for What happens when a baby suddenly becomes “products of conception,” and why your words matter more than theirs Why other people’s explanations (“God needed another angel,” “at least you have one already”) can hurt so much Postpartum with no baby in your arms, and the basic needs that still deserve to be met The dream Sabrina had about her daughter, and the message she still holds onto Why you never forget your baby, even years later Connect with Sabrina Fletcher •Website: https://www.thetfmrdoula.com/ (group dates, one-on-one sessions, her blog, free downloads)  Free self-care guide and Facebook group: available through www.thetfmrdoula.com Podcast: Our TFMR Stories [LINK] Membership: The TFMR Support Sanctuary at https://www.thetfmrdoula.com/ Instagram: @thetfmrdoula Resources mentioned Return to Zero: HOPE, founded by Kiley Hanish https://rtzhope.org/ Where to start with me If this episode brought up guilt you’ve been holding by yourself, the 3-Day Experience is a safe place to start. It’s three live sessions with me, one each day, plus a workbook for whatever comes up. We name what you’re feeling, look at the toll it’s been taking, and on Day 3 I teach you the three-step tool I use myself when the guilt spiral starts. You keep all three recordings. Learn more: https://navigatingbabyloss.com/workshop More ways to stay connected Always Loved Club, my monthly membership for loss moms: https://navigatingbabyloss.com/club Instagram: @navigatingbabyloss The 3-Day Experience for Moms After Baby Loss is a live workshop for moms who are grieving their baby. Over three days together, we look at how you're really doing, what this loss has touched in your life, and what to actually do when the guilt spiral starts. You'll get the live sessions, the recordings to keep, and a workbook to go with it. $27. Find it at navigatingbabyloss.com/workshop. Download my FREE "Guilt and Grief Release Journal" at navigatingbabyloss.com/journal WHERE TO FIND AND FOLLOW ME! Website-  https://www.navigatingbabyloss.com Tik Tok-https://www.tiktok.com/@navigatingbabyloss Instagram-https://www.instagram.com/navigatingbabyloss/ You Tube-https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCz-2MCEY5PRiF6p6VB_2lxA