Old Time Radio Mysteries and More

Got something to say to this podcast? Send a voicemail, and you might hear yourself on the next episode! Archie answers the ringing telephone "Mr. Wolfe's office, Archie Goodwin speaking .... Willie Inch, did you say? .... Just a second. Do you want to talk to a fellow named Willie Inch, which I doubt?" Wolfe says "No". Archie says "He says he's got to see you". Wolfe asks "Who is he?" Archie says "I'll ask. Uh, Mr. Wolfe doesn't recognize your name, Mr. Inch. He wants to know who you are .... just a second, I'll tell him. Inch says he's a sneak thief. He said you've never heard of him, but he's heard of you. Should I tell him to get lost?" Wolfe says "Wait a minute, Archie, ask him what he wants". Archie says "Uh, Inch? Mr. Wolfe wants to know what you want to see him about? .... a phony murder rap? He says a phony murder rap". Wolfe says "It would have to be phony, Archie". He asks "What do you mean?" Wolfe says "Did you ever hear of a sneak thief committing murder, if it could possibly be avoided? Yes, Archie. Tell Mr. Inch I'll listen to his story". Later, Inch appears at Wolfe's office. Archie says "Mr. Wolfe, this is your client, Mr. Inch". Wolfe says "Mr. Inch?" He says "Yeah". Wolfe says "Hmm, you're a tall fellow. Over six feet, six. Sit down". Inch says "Where?" Archie says "Here, Mr. Inch, this ought to be comfortable". Wolfe says "Well, Mr. Inch? He says "Look, Mr. Wolfe, they're going to claim that I killed a woman I never even touched. And I'm going to fry for something I never even done". Wolfe says "All right, Mr. Inch, how did you kill her?" Inch says "I didn't. I never killed nobody in my life". Wolfe says "Mr. Inch, you say you're a thief. Can you prove it?" Inch says "Uh, I got a record. Why?" Wolfe says "I was wondering about that bulge in your pocket". Inch says "Oh, oh here? It's a silver cigarette lighter, ain't it? I guess it sort of dropped into my pocket as I was going by".

Got something to say to this podcast? Send a voicemail, and you might hear yourself on the next episode! It was early evening, and Detective Danny Clover's day was just beginning. He was called to the east side of Central Park, where a significant amount of blood and a knife were found on a park bench that faced the street. Sergeant Muggerman was already at the scene. As Danny made his way through the gathering crowd, a young schoolboy says to him "I found the knife. I didn't pick it up". Danny asks "Who's the boy?" Muggerman says "His name is Paul ..uh". The boy says "Paul Gilbert. I haven't been home from school yet". Danny says "Well, you'll go home in a squad car, Paul". Muggerman says "I promised him with the siren". Danny says "With a siren. What happened, Paul? How did the knife get there?" Paul says "I saw the man take it out of his own back and throw it down. Then, the man staggered away". Muggerman says "Did I show you this, Danny? All this blood. Wherever he is, he's hurt real bad". Danny says "I want you to think for a minute, Paul. What did this man look like? Paul says "Tall, I guess. Yeah, I guess that's all. He was tall". Danny says "One more thing, Paul. Was there anyone with this man? Think hard". Paul says "No, I don't think so". Muggerman says "You told me ...." Paul says "The other man I saw wasn't with him. The other man in the hat just watched him. Then, the man in the hat ran away. He wasn't with him". Danny asks "What did the man in the hat look like?" Paul says "He had a hat. That's all I know. I got scared and I ran". Muggerman says "That's right, Danny. Paul ran right into Officer Curcio on the beat, and almost knocked him down. Curcio came back, saw that blood on the bench, the knife, and phoned it in". Danny asks "Did you know the man with the knife?" Paul says "No, I usually don't come home from school this way. We had an after school game on the playground. This is the first game of the intramurals". Danny says "Squad car, Muggerman, for Paul, with the siren".

Got something to say to this podcast? Send a voicemail, and you might hear yourself on the next episode! Miss Julie Summers, Peter Troy's girlfriend and secretary, is doing some typing work in the office, when a lovely young lady walks in. Julie says "Good morning, can I help you?" The young lady says "Good morning, I wonder if I might see Mr. Troy?" Julie asks "Do you have an appointment?" She says "Well, no, I ...." From the inner office, Peter calls out "Julie?" Miss Summers says "Excuse me for a second. Yes, Mr. Troy?" Peter says "I've made up my mind. Don't bother with her. I wouldn't look at her twice". The young lady says "What?" Julie says "I think he's .... " Peter says "Those legs. I just can't stand them. They're too long and skinny". The young lady says "Well !" Julie says "Really, I'm sure ... uh, Mr. Troy, I ...." Peter says "She'll never get into my apartment, I can tell you that. I'd never sleep at night if I thought she was prowling around my bed". The young lady says "Oh, really!" Just then, Peter comes into the reception area and says "Oh! Pardon me, I uh ...." Julie says "I tried to tell you, Mr. Troy". The young lady says "Well, I've heard that private eyes are pretty blatant, but I thought that was only in the movies. Now I've heard everything!" Peter says "Oh, but .... you don't think that I .... oh, look here, I was talking about this dog". The young lady says "Dog?" Peter says "Yes, in this picture here". Julie says "I've been thinking of buying a French Poodle from a friend of mine. She's going overseas and can't take the dog". The young lady looks at the picture and says "Oh, isn't he a darling". Peter says "Uh, he is a she. It was the dog I was talking about. I don't think Julie should buy it". The young lady says "Oh for Heaven's sake, I thought you were talking about me". Peter says "In those terms? Oh you're kidding, Miss....uh...." The young lady says "Day, April Day". Peter says "You're kidding twice. Nobody can be called April Day". She says "I'm sorry you don't approve, Mr. Troy". Peter says "Oh, but I do. Yes, indeed, I approve very strongly". Julie says "Uh, remember me, Mr. Troy?"

Got something to say to this podcast? Send a voicemail, and you might hear yourself on the next episode! Dr. Harvey is working in his office at the State Mental Hospital, when he receives a call on the intercom. He answers "Yes?" A nurse says "Dr. Harvey, this is the floor nurse in Ward Eight. Edward Kirk is being escorted to your office". Harvey says "Thank you". The floor nurse says "Doctor, one moment, please. Dr. Benson has just asked me to advise you against being alone with the patient for any length of time. He says it may be dangerous, sir". Harvey says "Well, Kirk's behavior for the past three or four months has been exemplary, and the shock treatments seem to be doing him some good. I won't have his confidence unless I talk to him alone. Please tell Dr. Benson I can handle the patient". Floor nurse says "Very well, sir". Harvey says "Here they are now. Come in. Hello, Kirk. Uh, you can leave us alone, Orderly. Come over and sit down, Kirk. How do you feel?" Kirk says "Great. There's nothing like being shut up in the nut house to make a man feel just great". Harvey says "You were sent here, Kirk, because you attempted to murder a man. You weren't sent to prison because you were ill". Kirk says "There's nothing wrong with me". Harvey says "I'm afraid there is". Kirk begins to get agitated and says "Two years with a bunch of lunatics? Who says I'm crazy? Who?" Harvey says "One more outburst like that and I'll have to send you back upstairs". Kirk says "Sorry, Doc". Harvey says "I want to help you, Kirk. You must believe that. One day when we feel you're completely cured, you'll be a free man again. Now, let's go over a few things once more". Kirk says "We're going to talk again about the guy I nearly killed?" Harvey says "Yes, we are. Now, the man you tried to strangle, you hated that man for a reason. Can't you remember what that reason was?" Kirk says "No. All I know is that I don't hate him no more, Doc. You see, I got somebody else to think about now". Harvey asks "Who?" Kirk says "His name is Dr. Melville". Harvey says "The man who testified at your trial?" Kirk says "Yes, that's the guy".

Got something to say to this podcast? Send a voicemail, and you might hear yourself on the next episode! In an east coast city, Anthony Boda, an immigrant shoemaker and store owner, is eating dinner on a Thursday evening. His wife says "You're not hungry, Anthony?" He says "Yes, I'm really very hungry". She says "But, you haven't eaten a bite". Anthony says "I was just thinking". She asks "About what?" He says "Well, I'm not sure". His wife says "Uh, look, you always tell me later. Well, this time tell me sooner". Anthony says "Ten dollars is missing". His wife says "Ten dollars? How is that possible?" Anthony says "Well, you know, thanks to our son Lewis, we now have a cash register in the store". She says "I was always opposed to it". Anthony says "Our boy is right. It's the modern way". His wife says "But when you kept the money in a drawer, nothing was ever...." Anthony says "When we kept the money in a drawer, we never knew. How could we tell? This way. Every time you take in money, it prints on a paper. At the end of the day, the paper tells you how much money you should have". His wife says Oh, well then perhaps the paper is wrong". Anthony says "It's not possible. Now, what troubles me is it's always ten dollars". His wife asks "What do you mean always?" Anthony says "Well, not only is it always ten dollars, but it's always missing on a Friday night". His wife says "I tell you, it's that machine". Anthony says "Well, it's happened for the last six weeks. Could it be that Louis....?" His wife says "Oh, no. Your own son?" Anthony says "I don't know what to think". His wife says "Throw out that machine". The next day, about noon, Anthony says "Go have your lunch, Louis". He says "Pop, I promised the lady she could have her shoes at 1:00 o'clock". Anthony says "No, I'll finish for you. Go. Mama doesn't like it when anybody's late to eat". As Louis is leaving, he meets a man coming into the store. The man says "Hello, Louie". Louis says "Uh, what, what can I do for you, Chuck?" He says "You got to hand over a fin". Louis says "Um, listen, will you talk about this later?" Chuck says "What, later? I'm here now. Get it up". Anthony asks "Who is this man? What does he want?" Chuck says "Introduce me to your old man, Louie. The association likes to know all it's customers".