How Shame Keeps You Stuck in Relationship Patterns | Jessica Fern & David Cooley

Fan Mail: Tell Wendy how you're saying yes to yourself! Ready for your own pattern interrupt? Explore Wendy’s upcoming experiences in France and discover what becomes available when you step outside your routine, learn something new, and say yes to an adventure that feels good. wendy-harrop.com/journeys In this episode, Wendy sits down with therapist Jessica Fern and restorative relationship practitioner David Cooley to examine how shame shapes the way we relate to ourselves and the people closest to us. They introduce the “inner shame triangle”: an inner critic that attacks, a shame part that absorbs and believes the criticism, and escaper parts that try to outrun it through over-functioning, under-functioning, busyness, or numbing. The conversation becomes deeply personal as Wendy reflects on her divorce and Jessica and David share how they ended their marriage, continued co-parenting, and created a new relationship structure that better meets their family’s needs. They explore:  How the inner critic, shame, and escaper parts reinforce one another and show up during relationship conflict   Why willingness and capacity are both necessary for couples who want to grow together   What it means to measure a relationship’s success by whether people’s needs are being met, not simply by how long it lasts  This is a conversation about recognizing the internal patterns influencing your relationships, responding to yourself with greater compassion, and allowing relationships to evolve when the old configuration no longer works. Connect with Jessica & David: Get their book, Transforming the Shame Triangle: amazon.com/Transforming-Shame-Triangle-Using-Parts/dp/199086970X?tag=syty-20 JessicaFern.com RestorativeRelationship.com TheAzuriteWay.com Ask Jess & Dave Show: www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLGHjbRL3XbZT0ZppTALUwwBUub68uMiij ________________________________________________________________________________________ Connect with Wendy: Linkedin Instagram: @wendy.harrop Facebook: Phineas Wright House Website: Phineas Wright House PWH Farm Stays PWH Curated Experience and Travel Interested in being a guest on the show? Send your pitch to [email protected] Podcast Production By Shannon Warner of Resonant Collective Want to start your own podcast? Let's chat! If this episode resonated, follow Say YES to Yourself! and leave a  5-star review. It helps more women in midlife discover the tools, stories, and community that make saying YES not only possible, but powerful.