Phoenix Rising With Dr Z: Conversations About Grief and Loss

Today, October 15, 2026, marks a milestone I once wasn't sure I'd reach. After nearly three years of leukemia treatment, I finally get to ring the bell. 🔔 In Part 2 of this deeply personal episode of Phoenix Rising with Dr. Z, Dr. Christina Zampitella continues sharing her journey through leukemia treatment, medical trauma, and the grief that unfolded alongside it. After spending a month in the hospital, Christina returned home only to face ongoing chemotherapy, painful procedures, frightening complications, and the emotional toll of trying to rebuild some sense of normalcy. She shares how difficult it was to ask for help, advocate for her needs, and navigate a medical system while feeling physically and emotionally overwhelmed. During treatment, Christina also experienced devastating personal losses, including the death of her beloved dog, Akaya, followed by the deaths of both of her parents within a short period of time. She reflects on what it meant to experience so much grief while simultaneously fighting for her own life. As Christina reaches the end of chemotherapy and prepares for continued monitoring, she reflects on the people who helped her get here, the ways trauma has changed her understanding of herself, and why healing and finding meaning remain ongoing processes. This episode is an emotional and honest conversation about medical trauma, bereavement overload, the importance of social support, and what it means to begin finding your way forward after life has changed so profoundly. And today, we celebrate Christina ringing the bell and everything it took to reach this moment. ❤️ If you've experienced medical trauma, cancer treatment, or significant loss, we hope this conversation helps you feel understood and encourages you to seek the support you deserve.

I’ve spent my career talking about grief and trauma. Then I found myself living through a kind of trauma I wasn’t prepared for. Nearly three years ago, Dr. Christina Zampitella was diagnosed with leukemia. Now, as she reaches the long-awaited milestone of completing treatment and ringing the bell, she’s ready to share the story of what it took to get here. In Part 1, Christina takes us back to the beginning: the exhaustion that came seemingly out of nowhere, receiving a leukemia diagnosis days after knee replacement surgery, being sent directly to the emergency room, and suddenly finding herself navigating chemotherapy, isolation, uncertainty, and a medical system she didn’t fully understand. She opens up about the medical trauma that happened along the way, from struggling to get clear answers and feeling reduced to a diagnosis to losing her hair, watching her body change, experiencing serious complications, and trying to advocate for herself while fighting for her life. Christina also reflects on the people who made her feel seen and cared for during some of her most frightening moments, and why compassion, communication, and dignity matter so deeply in medical care. This is a deeply personal look at what can happen emotionally and psychologically while the body is being treated, and the experiences that Christina is still making sense of today. Part 2 drops next week. Chapters: 00:00 Welcome to Phoenix Rising 00:35 Why I’m Sharing My Leukemia & Medical Trauma Story 01:30 The First Sign Something Was Wrong 02:15 An Unexpected Call About My Blood Work 03:30 Hearing the Words “You Have Leukemia” 04:45 Being Sent Straight to the Emergency Room 05:40 Six Hours in the ER Waiting Room 07:00 Hospitalized, Confused & Afraid 08:15 Thinking I Was Going to Die 09:30 Starting Treatment & Getting a PICC Line 10:40 Trying to Understand My Leukemia Diagnosis 12:00 Three Days Without the Answers I Needed 14:20 Finally Learning Why I Was on That Hospital Floor 15:20 Understanding My B-Cell Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia 16:30 A Month in the Hospital 17:45 The Lack of Coordinated Care 19:20 Trying to Understand the Treatment Plan 20:20 The Trauma Behind Medical Jargon 23:00 Isolation, Family & Life Outside the Hospital 25:20 When a Doctor Said “People Like You” 28:00 Fighting to Be Seen as a Person, Not a Diagnosis 30:00 Finding a Way to Advocate for Myself 32:00 Why Patients Need Information They Can Understand 34:15 The Nurses Who Made Me Feel Human 36:00 The Importance of Connection in Medical Care 37:30 Spending Christmas in the Hospital 38:15 Grieving My Brother While Fighting for My Life 39:30 The Support That Helped Me Through 40:20 Meeting a Doctor Who Changed My Experience 41:30 Losing My Hair & Watching My Body Change 44:15 Not Recognizing the Person I Was Becoming 45:20 Saying Goodbye to My Parents 46:30 A Treatment Decision With Serious Risks 47:20 Experiencing Two Massive Seizures 48:30 Waking Up Terrified, Confused & Vulnerable 49:30 Another Medical Complication 50:15 Losing a Treatment Option

How do you grieve someone when their death leaves you with more questions than answers? In Part 2 of this deeply personal conversation, Dr. Christina Zampitella and psychologist and author Dr. Niki Serravalle continue exploring the complicated grief that followed the unexpected death of Niki's ex-husband, Ed. After Ed died from a drug overdose, Niki began learning things about his life that didn't fit the person she had known for nine years. She discovered an arrest she knew nothing about, questioned whether drug use had been happening without her knowledge, and began hearing from others who had their own experiences with his lies. At the same time, those discoveries didn't erase the person she knew and loved. Niki reflects on the challenge of holding those realities together: Ed could lie and still be deeply loved. Their relationship could be chaotic and painful while also containing genuine connection and beautiful memories. She could love him while recognizing that being in a relationship with him was not healthy for her. Christina and Niki also explore the unanswered "what ifs" that often accompany grief, the stigma surrounding deaths from drug overdose, and the difference between loving someone and allowing them unrestricted access to your life. Niki shares how Ed's death ultimately became part of a much larger journey toward understanding herself, her codependency, her boundaries, and the stories she had carried about who she was. If this conversation resonates with you, subscribe to Phoenix Rising with Dr. Z and share the episode with someone who may benefit from hearing it. Learn more at: balancedlivingde.com Chapters: 00:00 How Ed Died 00:45 Discovering a Hidden History With Drugs 02:00 Learning He Had Lied to Everyone 03:00 Loving Someone Beyond Their Struggles 05:10 The "What Ifs" and "If Onlys" of Grief 06:15 Who Am I Actually Grieving? 07:00 Friendship After Divorce 08:15 The Medical Issues Before His Death 1 0:20 The Final Weeks of Ed's Life 11:15 Loving Someone Who Lied 12:10 Grieving His Absence 13:15 Finding Connection Through His Dog 15:50 How Ed Changed Niki 16:20 Connection vs. Compatibility 17:15 The Story Behind Niki's Book 18:50 When the Story Became About Her Own Healing 20:00 Vulnerability, Shame and Learning to Love Yourself 21:00 Can You Love Someone Who Continues to Lie? 22:15 Love Doesn't Mean a Relationship Is Healthy 23:00 Loving Someone With Boundaries 24:15 The Stories We Told 25:00 Why Niki Chose to Share Her Story 26:00 The Reality Behind Sensationalized Stories of Lying 27:00 Closing Thoughts

What happens when someone dies and, in the process of grieving them, you discover that parts of the person you knew may not have been true? In Part 1 of this deeply personal conversation, Dr. Christina Zampitella is joined by psychologist and author Dr. Niki Serravalle to explore a complicated and rarely discussed kind of grief: grieving the death of someone who lied about significant parts of their life. Dr. Serravalle shares the story of her relationship with her late ex-husband, from the intense connection they experienced early on to the small, seemingly inconsequential lies that eventually gave way to much larger deceptions. Together, Christina and Niki explore the confusion of loving and trusting someone while also learning to overlook inconsistencies, and how patterns of codependency can become intertwined with relationships marked by instability and deception. The conversation also examines the difference between compulsive lying and intentional manipulation, how codependency can show up even in people who appear strong and self-aware, and the grief that can happen long before a physical death when a relationship or the life you believed you had begins to disappear. Then, after her late ex-husband’s unexpected death, Niki made a discovery that challenged one of the most fundamental stories he had told about himself. Despite years of describing himself as a Marine and appearing to live with the physical and psychological effects of military service, his family told her he had never served in the military. That discovery opened an entirely new layer of grief and an unsettling question: Who exactly are you grieving when you can no longer be certain who the person was? Part 2 continues 9/15. Subscribe to Phoenix Rising with Dr. Z for conversations about grief, trauma, healing, and the complicated experiences that don't always fit neatly into traditional conversations about loss. Chapters 00:00 Welcome to Phoenix Rising 00:45 Meet Dr. Niki Serravalle 01:30 Grieving the Death of a Liar 02:40 How Niki and Ed Met 04:15 Love Bombing vs. Intense Love 06:10 When the Small Lies Began 07:35 Discovering the First Major Lie 09:05 When He Suddenly Disappeared 10:05 Grieving Someone Who Is Still Alive 10:45 Being Pulled Back Into the Relationship 11:40 Codependency and the Need to Fix 13:25 Marriage, Money and More Questions 15:20 The Gambling Story 17:40 Understanding Niki's Codependency 19:25 Finding a Sense of Self 21:35 Why the Lies Became Easier to Ignore 23:35 When the Lies Became Part of His Identity 24:10 Ed's Story of Being a Marine 25:40 What Niki Discovered After His Death 27:00 “He Was Never in the Military” Key Takeaways Grief can become complicated when the person you lost is also someone you're still trying to understand. Death can remove the possibility of asking questions, getting clarification, or ever knowing the complete truth. For someone grieving after deception, mourning may involve both the person who died and the unanswered questions they left behind. You can grieve someone who is still alive. Niki describes grieving the connection and relationship she believed she had when Ed abruptly disappeared from her life. Grief isn't limited to physical death. We can also grieve relationships, futures, identities, trust, and the version of life we believed we were building. Codependency doesn't always look like neediness. For Niki, codependency showed up as giving up her own truth to protect someone else's, trying to create enough safety for another person to change, and believing that if she could make things okay for him, the relationship would be okay. A person can be accomplished, independent, and self-aware in many areas of life while still experiencing codependent patterns within intimate relationships. Knowing that someone lies doesn't necessarily mean you recognize the biggest lies. Once smaller lies became expected, Niki stopped looking as closely at certain details. Meanwhile, some of the lar

Ritual & Grief: Creating Sacred Containers for Loss with Gyani Richards In this episode, Christina and Gyani discuss ritual as a structured, therapeutic container that supports presence, safety, and transformation during grief. They frame healing work as descended from shamanic traditions and describe ritual as a non-intellectual, embodied “descent” that helps people tolerate uncertainty, identity shifts (e.g., widow, orphan), and the vulnerability grief exposes. They explore how rituals can honor losses, mark shattering life changes, and support a continued bond with the deceased, while cautioning against prescribing one-size-fits-all rituals and emphasizing autonomy, choice within structure, and customization. The conversation also highlights grief’s somatic nature, fears about being overwhelmed by emotion, and the idea that grief needs space to move. They close with the caterpillar-to-butterfly metaphor, emphasizing that struggle is part of transformation and cannot be bypassed. 00:00 Why Ritual Matters00:28 Therapy as Ritual Space02:11 Rituals Across Cultures03:43 Personal Loss Markers07:37 Beyond Intellectualizing10:09 Liminal Space Qualities11:57 Identity After Loss16:19 Continuing Bonds20:38 Prescribed vs Personal25:13 Choice Within Structure28:29 Making Holidays Bearable30:37 Grief in the Body34:02 Simple Everyday Rituals35:15 Fear of the Grief Well36:52 Caterpillar Metaphor42:05 Dont Meddle Support42:40 Where to Find Gyani43:31 Final Wrap Up