#208. How to Find Yourself Again When You Don't Know Who You Are with Kristen Crabtree

When was the last time you knew exactly what you liked? Not what your partner liked. Not what your kids needed. You. If you had to think about it, you're in good company. This week's guest is Kristen Crabtree, author, Certified Divorce Coach, and creator of Paramour Paradox. After 22 years in a psychologically abusive marriage, Kristen got out with no plan and no clarity. Just the knowing that she had to go. Once out, she realized she didn't even know what furniture she liked. So she started excavating. She pulled out a book she'd written at 30, opened to the first exercise, "Who Am I?", and read it as the reader instead of the writer. That became her whole approach: you're not broken, you adapted. We wear masks to feel loved and safe. That's not wrong. The trouble starts when we forget we're wearing them. The practical stuff is so doable. Quiet the noise by eating the first bite of your food with full attention. Even a drive-thru burger counts. And be okay with it staying at one bite. But the part that really got to me was emotional sobriety. Kristen, who's two and a half years sober, says we can get hooked on the chemistry of our past. Leave a toxic relationship and suddenly you're rereading old emails for that familiar rush. Once you see the bartender mixing that cocktail, you get to decide whether to drink it. And if your future self feels a decade away, she has a shortcut. Ask what that version of you would do. Then do it. Who were you before you started being everything for everyone else? And what if she's still in there, waiting to be dug out? Give this episode a listen and start your own excavation. ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ Please be aware: This conversation includes a mention of psychological and sexual abuse. Please listen when you feel ready. Support is available at 988 (call or text) in the US, or findahelpline.com internationally. ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ Bio:Kristen Crabtree is an author and Certified Divorce Coach whose work is grounded in lived experience — not theory. She’s a former hypnotherapist, and lifelong seeker who’s spent decades studying anthropology, psychology, and consciousness. Her work makes complex ideas accessible and personal, guiding people to hear their voice and live in alignment with it. As the creator of Paramour Paradox, a self-recovery ecosystem helping seekers rediscover who they are, and a Divorce Coaching practice, she supports people before, during, or post-divorce. Through her journey of self-recovery, Kristen helps others move from invisibility to authenticity, from adaption to truth—reminding us it’s never too late to feel alive again. Kristen Crabtree helps people who’ve spent decades being steady, dependable, and invisible rediscover who they are—and remember that it’s not too late to feel alive again. She’s the author of Be the You That’s More You Than You’ve Ever Been and the creator of Paramour Paradox, a self-recovery ecosystem born from lived experience, not theory. After 52 years of forgetting who she was—including 22 years in a psychologically abusive marriage—Kristen began rebuilding her life by remembering her truth, one layer at a time. Connect with Kristen Crabtree:Email: [email protected] Website | Facebook | Instagram Free download: Emotional sobriety download Books mentioned:Be the You That's More You Than You've Ever Been by Kristen Crabtree – Amazon ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ Enjoyed this episode? Leave a review and share it with a friend. The more we educate, inspire, and empower each other, the further this conversation goes. Questions or just want to say hi? Find me at PocketsofKnowledge.com or on Instagram @desireedstanley. Thanks for listening! This podcast is intended to educate, inspire, and empower you on your personal journey. Guests may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services mentioned. Nothing here is medical advice—I'm not a doctor. Please consult a qualified health professional for any medical concerns.