Dr. Jessica Zucker – Miscarriage, Grief & the Things We Keep Quiet | Real Love Ready Ep 24

What does love look like when there is nothing you can do to make the pain go away? Dr. Jessica Zucker spent years working as a clinical psychologist in reproductive and maternal mental health before experiencing a miscarriage herself at 16 weeks. The loss changed the course of her life and work, eventually leading her to create the #IHadAMiscarriage campaign and write I Had a Miscarriage and Normalize It. Through her own experiences with pregnancy loss and breast cancer, Jessica began to see just how often grief is made harder by everything surrounding it. The silence, the shame, the pressure to be okay, and our discomfort with pain we cannot fix. In this episode, Robin and Jessica explore what happens when we stop trying to tidy up each other’s pain. They talk about the instinct to reach for silver linings, the ways women are taught to question or minimize their own experiences, and why emotional intimacy requires us to stay present even when we don’t have the right words. Jessica also reflects on how loss has shaped her relationships, her work, and her understanding of what it means to truly be there for someone. This is a conversation about making room for the things we cannot make better. About telling the truth when silence would be easier, asking people what they actually need, and allowing ourselves to be fully known in the hardest chapters of our lives. Because sometimes the most loving thing we can do isn’t to take the pain away — it’s to stay with each other through it. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. When life feels overwhelming, therapy can help. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com/loveready. IN THIS EPISODE (00:02:14) Introduction (00:03:23) Jessica’s Earliest Memories of Love (00:09:15) Experiencing Miscarriage at 16 Weeks (00:11:11) Breaking the Silence Around Pregnancy Loss (00:17:10) The Cycle of Silence, Stigma & Shame (00:26:33) Jessica’s Breast Cancer Diagnosis (00:35:06) Creating Rituals Around Grief & Loss (00:39:12) Loving Someone Through Pain You Cannot Fix (00:46:12) The Things Women Are Taught to Keep Quiet (00:49:20) Aging, Desire & Letting Go of “Should” (00:52:00) What We Teach Our Children About Love (00:52:49) Being Seen & Finding Our Way Back to Ourselves (00:57:05) How Love Changes Over Time (00:58:41) What Is Love? QUOTES “Can we replace silence with storytelling? Can we help women not go to that place? And can we see pregnancy loss as normative, albeit heartbreaking, so that we can talk about it?” — Dr. Jessica Zucker “We have to go through it. We have to feel it.” — Robin Ducharme “I think that true emotional intimacy only exists when we can be present through pain and through roadblocks and through joy, of course, as well.” — Dr. Jessica Zucker “I really want to remove ‘should’ from our language. It’s not productive. It’s not helping.” — Robin Ducharme “Time helps with healing, but talking really helps us find our way back to ourselves.” — Dr. Jessica Zucker ABOUT THE GUEST Jessica Zucker is a Los Angeles-based psychologist specializing in reproductive health and the award-winning author of Normalize It: Upending the Silence, Stigma, and Shame That Shape Women’s Lives and I Had a Miscarriage: A Memoir, a Movement. She is also the creator of the viral #IHadAMiscarriage campaign. Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ihadamiscarriage/ Website: https://www.drjessicazucker.com/ GET THE REAL LOVE READY BOOK Real Love Ready: A Guide to Relational Literacy is a clear, compassionate guide to the knowledge, skills, and daily practices that help us love with greater intention, truth, and heart. https://geni.us/RealLoveReadyBook Follow Us: @realloveready @robinducharmeofficial @soulprintmediaco Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices