Ross O'Carroll-Kelly @ The Irish Times

Hennessy suddenly smiles at the old man. ‘Damn it,’ the old man goes, ‘you’ve got an idea, haven’t you?’

‘We’ve been trying to break them up, haven’t we? A year or two in the clink – he won’t wait for her’

I’m there, ‘The security tag is still on it’

Four Feds step into the kitchen. One of them is like, ‘Well, Bernie?’

Foxrock’s new parish priest, Fr JP, is insisting on hearing my Confession

‘I did the deed with the girlfriend of a very good friend and it’s been bothering my conscience lately’

He was singing the offensive song in the cor this morning. It’s a genuine earworm, in fairness

At the end of the summer, just like the rest of you, I’m sick of the sight of my children

We’re trying to lure Bernie from Bray into sending some incriminating texts to me when Hennessy decides to up the ante 

‘Your father’s playing golf in Doonbeg,’ Hennessy goes. ‘While the cat’s away, the mice will fornicate’

Described by George Hook as the greatest Irish player never to make it and described by everyone else who knows him as a shallow, self-obsessed idiot.

Ross O'Carroll-Kelly @ The Irish Times

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