You Can’t Enjoy Sex When You’re At War With Your Body | Emma Louise Boynton

Why is it so hard to enjoy sex when you have spent years at war with your body? On this episode of Seen, I sit down with writer Emma Louise Boynton, founder of Sex Talks and author of Pleasure. I devoured her book and couldn't wait for this conversation. Emma opens up about developing an eating disorder as a young teenager and what it took from her. She explains how it worked as a coping mechanism, why understanding what it gave her mattered more than finding its cause, and what a later ADHD diagnosis helped her make sense of. We talk about how disconnecting from your body makes intimacy feel impossible, why sex education that never mentions pleasure teaches us to perform rather than feel, and the contentification of sex online. Emma also shares how sex therapy at 28 changed everything, starting with one line from her therapist: for as long as she was at war with her body, she would struggle to enjoy pleasure. In this episode, you'll learn: - Why disconnecting from your body makes intimacy so much harder, and how that can be relearned - What a pleasure journal is, and why Emma's therapist started there rather than with sex - Why good sex education has to include pleasure and bodily boundaries, not just risk - How to start with body neutrality when loving your body feels completely out of reach Thank you Emma for being so honest. If you take one thing from this, let it be what she says to every woman who tells her she is broken: you are not alone, and you are not broken. Chapters: The Darkness Behind The Confidence (00:00) How An Eating Disorder Takes Hold So Young (02:19) Why Someone With An Eating Disorder Is So Hard To Reach (05:21) The Turning Point That Made Her Want To Get Better (09:52) What Your Eating Disorder Is Giving You, And The ADHD Link (14:03) Early Sex And Living In A Body You Cannot Feel (18:18) Why Sex Education Never Mentions Pleasure (21:21) The Case For Lifelong Sex Education And Porn Literacy (28:46) Bonnie Blue And The Contentification Of Everything (34:01) Rock Bottom At 28 And The Dinner Party That Changed Everything (36:15) At War With Your Body, And Why Your Body Is Your Home (41:39) Why Recovery Is A Dance, Not A Finish Line (46:54) What Sex Therapy Actually Looks Like, And The Pleasure Journal (48:36) The Shame Around Bulimia, And Finding Good Company (53:03) Why We Still Cannot Talk About Sex Openly (56:14) Where To Begin If You Feel Disconnected From Your Body (1:00:49) This episode is for education only and isn't medical advice. If you are struggling with your relationship with food or your body, please speak to your GP, or reach out to an eating disorder charity such as Beat.