When Your Desires Don’t Match | Amanda Dames on Kink, Trust, & Intimacy

Have a question or comment? Send it to Kristin! What happens when you love your partner deeply but your desires don’t quite match? Amanda Dames, the Kink Consultant, certified sexologist, sex and relationship coach, and former professional dominatrix, joins for a candid conversation about kink, intimacy, sexual desire, communication, consent, trust, and shame. Amanda shares how she went from working at The Wall Street Journal to becoming a professional dominatrix in New York City and eventually helping individuals and couples navigate mismatched desires, fantasies, fetishes, BDSM, and deeper intimacy. In this episode, we explore... • Why it can feel so difficult to tell your partner what you actually want • How to talk about sexual fantasies without creating pressure • Why understanding the feeling beneath a kink can change the conversation • The difference between a kink and a fetish • Whether kink is always connected to trauma • Sexual shame and the fear of being judged or rejected • The connection between neurodivergence, sensory play, and BDSM • Why kink may have a major “PR problem” • Female dominance, power, and stepping into authority • Amanda’s own 24/7 Dom/sub relationship • How consent and boundaries can create deeper trust and intimacy • How owning your desires can build confidence far beyond the bedroom One of the biggest takeaways? Sharing a fantasy doesn’t mean it has to become reality. Sometimes it gets explored physically. Sometimes it lives in dirty talk. And sometimes simply telling the truth about your desires can deepen a relationship. Ultimately, this conversation goes far beyond kink. It’s about emotional safety, honest communication, self-trust, and creating relationships where both people can feel fully seen without making the other person responsible for fulfilling every desire. If you’re curious or have ever struggled with mismatched sexual desires, kink, BDSM, fantasies, consent, sexual shame, communication, or creating deeper intimacy with your partner, this episode is for you. Learn more about Amanda at amandadames.com, follow @the_kinkconsultant on Instagram, and listen to The Kink Consultant Podcast wherever you get your podcasts. Resources for Couples: Guide for couples with mismatched desire to have more open and honest conversations in a safe framework: https://www.amandadames.com/Speak-Your-Desires-with-Confidence-opt-in-1 BDSM Menu for couples who are curious to explore each other's kinks: https://www.amandadames.com/bdsmlist Support the show Connect with Kristin: Website: kristinbirdwell.com Instagram: @kristinbirdwell_ Facebook YouTube Kristin’s Book: Sex, Drugs, & Soul Spotify Audiobook Peptides: Oral Quicksilver GHK/Copper Peptide https://elliemd.com/kristinbirdwell Microdose 🍄 https://myfeelium.co/ password: opensesame Code: kristin20 for 20% off Subscribe to Pod: YouTube Spotify Apple