Nuanced II

Most of us want to be forgiving people, even when it’s difficult to forgive. We know Jesus wants his followers to be forgiving people. We know how heavy grudges can become and long to be freed of the weight. But then we consider offences suffered and the call to forgive becomes more complicated. Forgiveness sounds simple, but there’s a nuanced balance to find between letting go of hurts, seeking what’s fair and keeping safe from future harm. In today’s Gospel, Peter expresses the complex challenge as a question, “…how often should I forgive…”?[i] To him, it seems enough to forgive someone seven times; it does to me too: it seems generous while leaving space for justice and protection. Over the next few weeks, we’re exploring how the wisdom of Jesus can simplify some of the complicated, more nuanced moments of life. His wisdom may challenge his followers, but our faith reveals how it gives more space for joy by alleviating those complex moments of life that rob time, energy and peace. Understanding the nuanced challenge, Jesus answered Peter with a parable. A man weighed down with an impossible debt is dragged before the creditor, the king. At the time, there was no option for bankruptcy; those unable to pay their debts became the property of others. The debtor knew the king wasn’t unfair for seeking repayment; he begged for mercy, expecting, at best, to get a little more time. Then comes the twist: the king forgave the debt, the whole thing, no catch. The parable reveals the link between forgiveness and freedom. When someone offends or hurts another, there’s a debt owed; we feel like saying, ‘they owe me!’. Maybe something’s been taken, reputation harmed or trust broken; it could be anything. The offence, the hurt, creates a kind of debt. Forgiveness is the cancellation of that debt. A few things forgiveness is not: Forgiving someone doesn’t mean declaring no harm was done or pretending it never happened; it doesn’t excuse the harmful actions of another or make hurts disappear. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean an apology isn’t owed. Forgiveness acknowledges harm, asserting you are owed, but that debt, even one impossible to pay back, is canceled. God cares about forgiveness because he wants his people to be free. For the one in the wrong, forgiveness is about being freed so there’s opportunity for growth; it declares that sin doesn’t have to be what defines people. Through forgiveness, sin can be transformed from something that tears down into opportunity to grow. For the one injured, it’s about being freed too. Returning to the parable: the servant who had been forgiven an impossibly large debt clung to an unforgiving heart. Instead of being joyful at the mercy he had received, he was consumed with what was owed to him. Dwelling on what’s owed doesn’t bring joy, but torment. Forgiveness, acknowledging the hurt and forgiving it, brings freedom. Now, sometimes forgiveness is extremely difficult, the hurt is so deep that cancelling the debt seems just impossible. That’s okay too. God knows we have limits and when limits are encountered, disciples turn and ask God to do what we cannot. When forgiving someone seems impossible, invite God to do it. At a minimum, this act invites God into that dark place and entrusts our hurts and hearts to him. In this place we stand before our king who identifies what’s owed while declaring “debt canceled.” In this place, we do the same for others; when owed much, like our Saviour we say, “debt cancelled”. In this place, Christians accept God’s freedom by focusing, not on what is owed but, on what we have been given. God of mercy, we praise you for the mercy and forgiveness you have extended to us. When hurt and debts owed threaten to complicate life, guide us through your Spirit in following the example of your Son who offers freedom through forgiveness. This prayer we make in his name. Amen. [i] Matthew 18:21 NRSVCE