Nuanced IV

I have a friend who’s been deeply hurt by someone she trusted. Even today, well over a year later, the betrayal weighs on her daily and I wish she wasn’t burdened with that cross. However, I’ve noticed how my friend keeps pictures of the one who hurt her close by. Now, I’m not at all going to judge the unique ways each works through grief; and while I tell my friend to work through her grief in whatever way is best for her, I do have to wonder if keeping pictures of the one who hurt so deeply could rob her of the freedom needed to move past the hurt. Truth be told though, we all do the same thing. For the last few weeks we’ve reflected on how the challenging wisdom of Jesus simplifies some of the complicated moments of life, giving more space for joy by alleviating those nuances that rob time, energy and peace. We examined how the nuanced experience of being hurt by a loved one is simplified through the prompt of the Saviour to directly approach the offending individual instead of turning to gossip or insisting they first approach and apologize. We considered how forgiveness simplifies, not by dismissing harm, but by honouring hurt, acknowledging how it matters and yet declaring, ‘debt cancelled’. Last week we considered how the complexities of envy can be alleviated through gratitude, by dwelling on our own blessings rather than the blessings of others. It sounds simple and easy enough, but actually following the advice of the Saviour is a completely different story; we often fail to live out what we know would be best for us. Maybe over the last few weeks, you’ve wanted to forgive someone, wanted to cancel the debt, wanted to approach someone, wanted to shift focus from the blessings of others to your own but instead fell again into the traps of gossip, resentment or envy. We know what we should do and what we should not do, but don’t always follow through. I see this in many Confessions: so many come frustrated when bringing up the same sin repeatedly. It seems we’re often not as free as we would like to be. Just consider what you do when stressed to discover this. When stressed do you overeat, over drink, overspend, over work, maybe turn to substances or media you know you shouldn’t? This is where bad habits, vices, compulsions or addictions raise their heads. We don’t want these things, we know they limit freedom, but eliminating or overcoming them is a true, nuanced challenge. God knows we suffer these tendencies. Today’s Gospel features the parable of the two sons; and I think the example of the second son is easy to relate to. When asked to share in the work of the father, the second son, “…answered, ‘I am going, sir’; but he did not go.”[i] The second son is respectful with his words, knows what he ought to do, but doesn’t follow through; it doesn’t mean he’s uncaring or a bad son. Maybe he’s like the rest of us: he knows what God wants and what he should do, he knows what’s best for him and want’s what’s best for him, but isn’t as free as he would like to be. For Christians, freedom isn’t the ability to do whatever you want. Doing whatever we want isn’t always the same as doing what’s best; parents know this when children ask for the freedom to eat hotdogs at every meal. True freedom is having the power to do what you ought, to do, with as little resistance as possible, what you know is best for you and for others. It’s important because love requires freedom; love can only exist in freedom. But this also makes freedom nuanced; true freedom and love require the possibility of saying ‘no’ alongside the power to say ‘yes’. So, disciples work to have the power, the true freedom, to say, ‘yes’, to God. The problem is often ourselves and what we regularly expose ourselves to. A child who watches scary movies might not be free to have good dreams. Having the freedom to keep fit is hard while jogging past the dairy queen. It’s difficult to freely let go of envy while consumed with thoughts of what others have. The freedom to forgive is a challenge while insisting on collecting debts. Forgiveness is arduous while waiting on the other to take the first step. Exposure to impure things hinders the freedom to form a pure heart. Disciples cannot say, ‘yes’, to God and enjoy the freedom to follow through while being exposed to things contrary to faith. Freedom isn’t the ability to do whatever you want, but the power to do what you ought. So, disciples first seek out what limits freedom, anything that holds us back from doing what we know is best for ourselves and for others. Then, we make sacrifices that simplify the nuanced things that complicate freedom. We might give up, even things we want, even good things, to have the power to freely do what we know we ought without resistance. Having to convince ourselves to do good is a complicated, nuanced, spot to be in. Our goal is to be free to just naturally, simply and instinctively do right. God of freedom, through your Spirit open the eyes of our hearts to reveal what hinders freedom and grant us the wisdom and courage needed to remove all that holds us back from doing what we ought. Form us into faithful disciples who eagerly listen for the invitation of the Saviour to share in his work and truly live it out. In his name we offer all our prayers. Amen. [i] Matthew 21:30 NRSVCE