#14 The Mattering Instinct (with Rebecca Goldstein)

In this episode of The Connection Effect, Bill Groner sits down with philosopher, novelist, and MacArthur Fellow Rebecca Newberger Goldstein, whose new book, The Mattering Instinct: How Our Deepest Longing Drives Us and Divides Us, distills over 40 years spent asking people one question: what makes you feel like your life counts? Rebecca's answer is the "mattering map" — a framework for the different ways we try to earn a sense of mattering, whether through the people in our lives, something transcendent, our own standards of excellence, or how we measure up against others. She brings each type to life with stories that stick, from a man who devoted himself to leprosy patients after one moment of shame, to a poet who spent 20 years perfecting his craft in total secrecy. This conversation is an invitation to ask yourself: which mattering project is actually running your life — and whether you chose it, or inherited it. Connect with Rebecca Goldstein Website: https://rebeccagoldstein.com/ Substack: https://rebeccanewbergergoldstein.substack.com/ Books (The Mattering Instinct, Plato at the Googleplex): https://rebeccagoldstein.com/category/books/ X (formerly Twitter): https://x.com/platobooktour Connect with The Connection Effect Join the community and conversation on The Connection Effect Substack: connection.net/substack Questions? Guest inquiries? Email: [email protected] Topics of Discussion 00:00 Welcome and guest intro 01:56 Defining mattering 05:24 Mattering map overview 07:54 Socializers explained 11:39 Transcenders and faith 17:24 Heroic strivers and excellence 22:07 Internal vs external validation 25:28 Competitors and zero sum 26:31 Competitor Mindset Costs 28:16 Primary Type Shifts 29:24 Murray McClelland Types 31:13 Bespoke Life Design 33:40 Know Thyself Practice 35:15 Inherited Mattering Scripts 37:37 Hope Through Self Evaluation 40:19 Do Others Matter 44:07 Love And Human Oneness 45:10 Hope For Humanity 48:50 Rumi And Closing Reflections 49:46 Host Outro Takeaways