Caught in the Disease to Please? Understanding People Pleasing

In this episode of The Counselling Armchair: Nurturing Your Wellbeing and Study, Liz and Plia explore people pleasing as a deeply learned pattern rooted in our need for safety, connection, and belonging—rather than a personality flaw. We unpack common signs like difficulty saying no, fear of conflict, and tying self-worth to others’ approval, while also exploring how early experiences, cultural expectations, and the nervous system (including the “fawn” response) can shape these behaviours over time. We talk about the difference between healthy, choice-based kindness and fear-driven people pleasing that can lead to burnout, resentment, and disconnection from self. Importantly, we share practical, compassionate strategies for change. If this resonates, you can explore more about the fawn response in Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker (https://pete-walker.com/complex_ptsd_book.html), and read about why “just setting boundaries” can be difficult via Safe Space Counselling Why You Can’t Just Say No - People-Pleasing as a Trauma Response, or learn more about self-compassion through Kristin Neff at https://self-compassion.org.