Why Peacekeeping and Peacemaking Are Not the Same in Co-Parenting

This week's Wednesday Q&A tackles a single question, but it's one that touches a lot of co-parenting dads. A member named Mike wrote in about a genuinely tricky situation. His ex-wife coaches their daughter's softball team and wants her fully involved, but Mike is also trying to build his own relationship with his daughter through something they both love, jiu jitsu. The two schedules keep colliding, and Mike is left wondering how much effort he should really be putting into supporting an activity that's eating into his own time with her. Joe took the lead on this one, drawing from his own experience raising five kids across multiple co-parenting relationships. His core message was simple but hard to live out. Stop asking what's convenient for you and start asking what's genuinely best for your daughter, and never let your kids feel like they have to be the peacekeepers in a situation adults created. Larry tied it together with a reference to a past guest, Gary Chapman, and a lesser known book of his built specifically for blended families. If you're navigating co-parenting tension of your own, this conversation offers real, hard won perspective rather than easy answers. Timeline Summary 1:01 Introducing today's single question format and Joe joining from a borrowed candy shop closet 3:21 Mike's question. Balancing his daughter's softball commitment, coached by his ex-wife, against their own jiu jitsu time together 4:24 Joe's own co-parenting background. Three prior marriages, five kids, and blended families from every angle 6:41 Larry announces a rare, small group preview of the Dad Edge Business Boardroom Brotherhood 8:38 Joe's first question back to Mike. What does his daughter actually want, not what either parent wants for her 11:38 Naming the trap of projecting our own wants and needs onto our kids instead of putting theirs first 13:52 Joe's underlying philosophy. Every co-parenting decision is a chance to build partnership and trust for the years ahead 14:16 Larry announces the first ever Dad Edge Day with the Arizona Cardinals, November 15th 16:39 Joe reflects on his own childhood as a blended family kid caught in the middle 18:24 Naming the difference between being a peacekeeper and a peacemaker 19:23 The scriptural reframe. Blessed are the peacemakers, not the peacekeepers 21:04 Larry shares his own childhood memory of physically stepping between fighting parents 22:07 Mike reflects on what he's taking away from the conversation 23:20 Joe's honest admission that co-parenting wisdom came through years of trial and error 24:44 The long term payoff. Joe's grown kids now raising strong, peaceful families of their own 25:28 Larry introduces Gary Chapman's book on blended families and the five love languages 26:33 Closing reminders about the Boardroom Brotherhood preview and the Arizona Cardinals game Five Key Takeaways Put your child's actual wants and needs ahead of your own convenience or resentment. Kids can tell the difference between a parent who is genuinely supportive and one who is just tolerating an obligation. Kids in co-parenting situations often quietly take on the role of peacekeeper, trying to manage tension between the adults around them. Naming that pressure and removing it from their shoulders is one of the most protective things a parent can do. There is a real difference between keeping the peace and making peace. Peacekeeping is passive and avoids conflict. Peacemaking means actively confronting hard conversations for the sake of the whole family. Building trust with a difficult co-parent takes years of trial and error, including plenty of failed attempts. The goal is not a quick fix, it is a foundation that will matter even more once your kids reach their teenage years. The work you put into peaceful co-parenting now can shape your children's own future marriages and families, long after the original conflict is resolved. Links and Resources Building Love Together in Blended Families by Gary Chapman and Ron L. Deal: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07WJ1DFT6?lv=shuf&channelId=500&plpRedirect=mhFallback The Dad Edge Day at State Farm Stadium: https://thedadedge.com/nfl Dad Edge Business Boardroom Brotherhood Preview: https://thedadedge.com/guest The Dad Edge Podcast: https://thedadedge.com/1534 Closing If you take one thing from this episode, let it be Joe's line that peacemaking means dying to your own wants for the sake of your kids. It is not easy, and it will not happen overnight, but the payoff, watching your own children grow up to build peaceful families of their own, is worth every bit of the work. Go out and live legendary.