The ManFlu | Exploring Gender Dynamics, Partnerships & Raising Boys Who Care

The Manosphere doesn't need boys to go looking for it. Researchers who set up TikTok and YouTube accounts posing as teenage boys found it reached their feeds within 26 minutes, starting from nothing more than a fitness video or a gaming clip. Host Lucy McAfee spends this episode of The ManFlu Podcast unpacking the Manosphere, the vast online world of influencers, podcasts, and communities shaping how boys think about masculinity, women, success, and their own worth. She uses Netflix's Adolescence and Louis Theroux's Inside the Manosphere as her way into the topic, then digs into what boys are actually absorbing once the algorithm gets them there. At the center of it is a dangerous idea: that men are born without value and have to earn it through money, strength, status, and attention from women. Lucy connects that message to therapist Terry Real's distinction between healthy self-esteem and performance-based self-esteem, and traces the childhoods behind some of the biggest names selling this content. She also explains the term incel and how ordinary teenage loneliness gets twisted into resentment and blame. The answer isn't simply keeping boys offline, since these messages can reach them anywhere. The bigger opportunity is helping them question what they're hearing and making home a place where they can bring it up. Lucy closes with one small shift: a set of age-specific questions parents can start asking this week to keep that door open, so we're raising boys who know exactly who they can talk to. Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Why Lucy Is Tackling The Manosphere 04:44 Defining The Manosphere In Plain Terms 09:34 The Idea That Men Are Born Without Value 14:22 Tate Brothers' Arrests And Followers' Response 21:32 The Childhoods Behind These Influencers 23:57 Healthy Versus Performance-Based Self-Esteem 28:50 One Small Shift To Start The Conversation Connect with Lucy McAfee: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lucypmcafee LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/lucymcafee Show Website: https://shows.acast.com/the-manflu Mentioned in this episode Adolescence on Netflix Louis Theroux: Inside the Manosphere on Netflix Talk to Your Boys by Joanna Schroeder and Christopher Pepper Entitled by Kate Manne Terry Real Episode 4 with Julie Messer Sources Dublin City University: Recommending Toxicity U.S. Secret Service: Mass Attacks in Public Spaces, 2016–2020 CDC suicide data Associated Press reporting on the Tate brothers’ arrest This episode includes a discussion of suicide. If you or someone you know needs support, call or text 988 or visit the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Some women carry the mental load in marriage so quietly that even their own husbands don't see it happening. Host Lucy McAfee sits down with Victoria Tice, a copywriter and birth doula. Victoria has spent five years breastfeeding her two sons on demand, no pumps, no bottles, straight from the source. And that choice opened up a much bigger conversation about partnership, recovery, and who carries what at home. Victoria compares her husband's five days of paternity leave with their first son to the nearly four months he took with their second, and why that difference changed her postpartum recovery completely. She and Lucy get into the list Victoria and her husband built together, naming every task that keeps a home running, and the exact language she uses now when dividing household responsibilities without becoming the house manager who reminds him of everything. They also take on the maternal instinct myth, the idea that mothers are simply born knowing what to do while fathers get room to learn as they go. It is another face of the mental load in marriage, deciding everything so no one else has to. Press play to hear Victoria's simple weekly habit for protecting her own time and why she says letting your partner fail is part of learning to actually share it. Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Welcome And Meeting Victoria Tice 02:13 Five Years Of Exclusive Breastfeeding Explained 04:18 The Plan That Wasn't Really A Plan 08:27 Doing It All Alone With Baby One 12:31 Five Days Leave Versus Four Months 15:58 The Pressure Fathers Feel Taking Leave 20:43 When Travel Broke Their Family Rhythm 25:43 Building A Fairness List With Fair Play 30:17 Naming The Mental Load In Marriage 38:21 The One Small Shift To Try This Week Connect with Victoria Tice: Website: https://www.victoriajtice.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/truenorth.birth TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@theticehouse Connect with Lucy McAfee: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lucypmcafee LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/lucymcafee Show Website: https://shows.acast.com/the-manflu Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What is a life spent caring for a family worth? Our guest learned an insurer's answer the day it reduced hers to three words: just a housewife. The work of making a house a home can hold enormous value and still be assigned none. On The ManFlu, host Lucy McAfee talks with Lori Sugarman-Li, a family systems strategist, speaker, and Certified Fair Play Facilitator, about invisible labor, the mental load, and what children learn from watching who carries the work of home. After a 15-year marketing career with Kraft Foods and Four Seasons Hotels and Resorts, Lori shifted full-time into what she calls the economy of care. Her experience eventually led her to Fair Play, the system created by Eve Rodsky, and a new way of thinking about how families talk about household responsibility. For parents looking for a fair play method for kids, Lori's approach starts with helping children see themselves as participants in family life rather than occasional helpers. She points to research showing that the gender gap begins early, with girls ages 5–14 already doing more unpaid care and domestic work than boys their age. As a mom of two teenage sons, Lori talks about raising boys to share household labor, giving kids meaningful responsibility, and letting them learn through mistakes. She also shares her perspective on teaching kids chores without allowance, separating household contributions from financial literacy so caring for a family isn't reduced to a paycheck. The bigger goal is not a perfectly folded load of laundry. It is creating more room for equal rest, joy, connection, and responsibility across the family. Lori's one small shift starts with gratitude. The work of home may still be repetitive and exhausting, but changing how a family sees that work can change how they value it, share it, and show up for one another. Her award-winning children's book, Our Home: The Love, Work, and Heart of Family, carries the same idea to the youngest readers, reframing the everyday jobs of home as acts of love. Books Referenced: Our Home: The Love, Work, and Heart of Family by Lori Sugarman-Li Fair Play: A Game-Changing Solution for When You Have Too Much to Do (and More Life to Live) by Eve Rodsky Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Welcome And Meeting Lori Sugarman-Li 02:27 The Disability Insurance Denial That Changed Everything 09:51 Rebranding Chores As Acts Of Gratitude 15:52 Resetting Roles After Falling Into Old Scripts 19:43 Equal Leisure Time And Equal Joy 23:18 Building Your Family's Core Values Together 26:22 Matching Kids To Tasks They're Wired For 29:19 Teaching Kids Chores Without Tying Them To Allowance 32:28 Raising Boys To Value Unpaid Care Work 39:22 Letting Kids Learn From Their Own Mistakes 42:59 One Small Shift For Leading With Gratitude Connect with Lori Sugarman-Li: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ourhomeourpride/ Website: https://ourhomeourpride.com LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/lori-sugarman-li-50592911 Connect with Lucy McAfee: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lucypmcafee LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/lucymcafee Show Website: https://shows.acast.com/the-manflu Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do you ever get to the end of the day, a day where you genuinely never stopped moving, and still feel like you somehow failed? That feeling usually isn't proof that you fell short. It's proof that you're chasing a standard that was never realistic to begin with. Host Lucy McAfee talks with Jess Weisz, former McKinsey consultant, writer, coach, and creator of Rule Breaker, about the invisible standards behind working parent burnout, and why high-achieving parents can spend an entire day getting things done and still feel like they failed. It started with a notebook. Six months postpartum, Jess's partner asked her to write down everything on her mind. What poured out wasn't a to-do list. It was a heaping pile of expectations no one could realistically meet, and that mental load became the work of Rule Breaker. Jess pulls out her childhood report cards to get at something deeper: judgment. We're raised being graded, taught to prove ourselves against a fixed set of expectations, and no one ever sends the memo that the report cards stop coming once we graduate. We just keep grading ourselves against one that no longer exists. That pressure shows up in surprisingly small places. For Jess, homemade muffins can feel like proof that she's doing motherhood right, and a granola bar can trigger the opposite reaction. She and Lucy unpack self-esteem and motherhood, and how easily our sense of worth gets pegged to the most ordinary choices. Part of the trap is confusing capability with capacity. Being able to do something doesn't mean you have the time, energy, or space for it right now. Work-life balance for working parents can look less like finding the perfect schedule and more like letting go of unrealistic parenting expectations. Jess shares how to question the rules running in the background, decide which expectations deserve your attention, set boundaries around the rest, and recognize when something is enough. She leaves listeners with one question to reach for when mom guilt starts creeping in. Did I agree to this rule? Press play to hear the full conversation, and follow The ManFlu with Lucy McAfee for more conversations about the scripts shaping how we parent, partner, and share the load at home. Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Welcome To The ManFlu With Lucy McAfee 00:39 Meet Jess Weisz, Creator Of Rule Breaker 02:03 What The Rule Breaker Reset Is All About 03:38 The Notebook That Started This Whole Reckoning 06:05 Social Media And The Rise Of Working Mom Guilt 10:10 Where This Impossible Standard Actually Came From 14:19 The Report Cards We Never Stop Grading Ourselves Against 15:32 Awareness, Choice, And Enoughness Explained 22:09 Pegging Self-Esteem To Muffins And Meals 27:32 Identity Versus Values When Choosing Your Rules 30:49 Real Rules People Have Put In The Corner 39:44 The One Small Shift: Did I Agree To This Rule? Connect with Jess Weisz: Substack: rulebreaker.substack.com LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/jessicaweisz Website: reset.rulebreaker.co Insta: @rulebreakerjess Connect with Lucy McAfee: Instagram: @lucypmcafee LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/lucymcafee Show Website: https://shows.acast.com/the-manflu Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Everyone tells new parents it takes a village. Nobody mentions that making mom friends as an adult is genuinely hard and can feel more like dating: is it weird to ask for her number? Do I look like a stalker? Host Lucy McAfee talks with Jessica Hill, founder and CEO of The Parent Collective, about building your village as a new mom. Jessica spent ten years in England, where prenatal classes grouped expectant parents by neighborhood and due date. She left with a built-in support system and friendships that lasted long after the newborn stage. When she returned to the States, she found playgrounds full of mothers who said they did not find their people until their kids started school. That gap became the reason she created The Parent Collective. Jessica explains how to build a support system as a new mom when those connections do not happen automatically. Her advice is simple, though not always easy: choose something you genuinely care about, put yourself in places where you will see the same people regularly, and keep showing up when the first few attempts do not lead anywhere. You may not meet a lifelong best friend. Sometimes a "for-now friend" who understands the exact season you are in is enough to make motherhood feel less isolating. And if the newborn stage came and went without your people showing up, it's not too late. Jessica shares practical ways to start building that village right now, wherever you are. The conversation turns to the Fair Play method, the mental load, and maternal gatekeeping. Jessica shares how a bedtime dance party helped her recognize that her husband needed room to parent in his own way and create separate traditions with their sons. She explains how they divided responsibilities around weekend meals, soccer, and the Saturday "curriculum" he created for their boys. The episode closes with one practical shift for a fairer partnership: when one parent gets protected free time, the other should receive it too, and both should be encouraged to spend that time doing something that restores them. Press play for practical ways to make mom friends, share the parenting load, and raise boys who understand what it means to show up for the people they love. Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Meet Jessica Hill, Founder of The Parent Collective 02:26 Ten Years In England And A Built-In Village 09:54 When Your Village Lives Online 11:51 Why Asking For Help Feels Like Weakness 15:51 Inside The Parent Collective's Four Week Class Series 19:59 The Power Of Finding A For Now Friend 22:18 Building Your Village Beyond The Newborn Phase 29:58 The Bedtime Dance Party That Changed the Rules 34:53 Splitting Parenting Roles And Raising Partner-Ready Boys 40:52 The One Small Shift: Free Time That's Actually Fair Connect with Jessica Hill: Visit The Parent Collective website Follow The Parent Collective on Instagram Connect with Jessica on LinkedIn Connect with Lucy McAfee: Follow Lucy on Instagram Connect with Lucy on LinkedIn Visit The ManFlu website Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.