The Personal Success Podcast with Ryan Watts

Most leaders can tell you exactly how they're performing. Fewer can tell you whether they're actually present. Leadership and self-leadership coach Ruth E. Andermatt joins Ryan Watts to talk about the difference between performance and presence, and why connection is what makes performance last. Ruth has coached leaders one-to-one for 28 years. Before that, she was a competitive athlete, worked in the physio department of a mental institute, sold for Xerox, trained sales teams for one of Canada's first cell phone companies, and spent nearly a decade as a director of operations. Ruth shares the story of a branch manager she was told to fire, and how one honest conversation turned his branch into the top store against plan in Canada within 90 days. She explains why leaders who focus only on performance get compliance while they're in the room and complacency when they leave. She also shares what executives admit privately that they would never say in a meeting, and a 90-second practice to use before every meeting you walk into. "Performance is very simple to measure. Connection is not." – Ruth Andermatt IN THIS EPISODE - The manager Ruth was told to fire, and what happened when she told him the truth - Why performance is easy to measure and connection is not - Power over, power for, and power with - What "coming home to your own power" means, and why self-trust is a skill - Rethinking performance reviews - Making space instead of adding force - The first signs a leader is performing instead of leading - What executives say privately that they won't say in a meeting - The quiet cost of a performing organization - A 90-second practice to do before every meeting CHAPTERS 00:00 Who Ruth Andermatt is 01:13 Why connection drives leadership and self-leadership 03:35 Performance is easy to measure, connection is not 09:18 Being with your team 10:41 Power over, power for, power with 13:31 Ruth's path: mental institute, Xerox, sales leadership 22:25 Owning who you serve 23:31 Why the top gets quiet 26:04 Coaching, counseling, and connection 30:33 Coming home to your own power 31:57 Rethinking performance reviews 35:51 The simple practice of being seen 37:28 Where self-trust comes from 40:35 Listening, silence, and making space 48:38 What to put down to pick your power back up 52:08 The first signs a leader is performing 56:35 The one thing to do before every meeting 59:50 What executives say privately 01:01:18 The cost of a performing organization 01:02:21 When the energy is gone but the calendar isn't 01:03:34 Stop harassing yourself 01:04:52 Why we need leaders who speak up 01:09:24 Self-leadership is a constant practice 01:12:12 Where to find Ruth CONNECT WITH RUTH E. ANDERMATT LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/coachruth/ Andermatt Consulting Experience Inc.: https://andermattconsulting.com About Ruth: https://andermattconsulting.com/about/ CONNECT WITH RYAN WATTS Ryan Watts Coaching: https://www.ryanwattscoaching.com LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ryanwattsmba YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@ryanwattslifecoaching THE PERSONAL SUCCESS PODCAST Show page: https://www.ryanwattscoaching.com/thepersonalsuccesspodcast Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-personal-success-podcast-with-ryan-watts/id1699785392 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0poXmaxpjA6ViNDy1KOh9c YouTube playlist: https://www.youtube.com/@thepersonalsuccesspodcast Have a story worth telling? Apply to be a guest: https://www.ryanwattscoaching.com/podapp New episodes every Monday. If this conversation helped, share it with one leader who is carrying more than they say out loud.

Nik Kinley spent over a decade as a forensic psychotherapist in prisons before moving into business, and he has assessed and advised senior leaders ever since. In this conversation he explains why the moment you gain power over someone, they start filtering what they tell you, and why you are the last person in the room to notice it happening. We get into what power actually does to judgment, why nice bosses often silence their teams more effectively than difficult ones, and why public praise is more dangerous to a leader than criticism. Nik also walks through the tells of cognitive overload, which almost nobody spots because the early symptoms feel like sharpness rather than strain. The last section covers AI. Nik uses it heavily and is direct about what it is doing to information flow inside organizations, and to the quality of thinking that reaches the people making decisions. YOU WILL LEARN - Why people stop telling you the truth the moment you become their boss, and what that costs your decisions - What power actually does to judgment, from overconfidence to how you process expert advice - Why public praise damages a leader more than private criticism, and the exact words to deflect it - The four early tells of cognitive overload, and why the first one feels like being on top of things - Two prevention measures that work better than anything you can do in the moment - Where a small amount of narcissism helps a leader, and where the line sits - How AI is amplifying distorted information flow inside leadership teams CHAPTERS 00:00 Who is Nik Kinley 02:36 "I don't have a mission" 05:54 What working in prisons teaches you 09:49 Why we turn people into monsters 13:00 Echo chambers and the pull of certainty 19:12 Why behavior change is so hard 24:45 What actually made one habit stick 28:26 Caring boss versus feeling cared for 30:11 The one trait that predicts real change 31:08 What senior leaders can't see in themselves 33:17 Power doesn't corrupt. It amplifies. 35:57 Why public praise is poison 40:02 How power degrades judgment 45:50 Close the gap: the countermeasure 49:41 How to refuse flattery without being rude 51:55 The tells of cognitive overload 56:10 Sleep and if-then rules 1:01:34 Why leaders need a little narcissism 1:06:49 Does AI amplify the distortion? 1:14:48 What drives eight books 1:17:01 What the work taught him about himself ABOUT NIK KINLEY Psychologist Nik Kinley is a leadership assessor, consultant and coach. With over 30 years' experience, he has worked with the CEOs of national banks and $90b businesses, hedge fund bosses, and engineering leads in Formula 1, as well as royalty, politicians, and heads of national security. Unusually, his background also includes forensic and clinical work with criminals, drug addicts, and children, helping shape his understanding of judgement and behaviour. He is the author of multiple internationally translated leadership books, has appeared as a leadership expert on major television networks, been featured in outlets such as The Economist, Forbes, and The Times, and regularly lectures at leading business schools including IMD in Switzerland. His latest book is The Power Trap: How Leadership Changes People, and What to Do About It. Get the book: https://a.co/d/0gNh6WfC Website: https://nikkinley.com/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nikkinley Substack: https://substack.com/@nikkinley RYAN WATTS Website: https://ryanwattscoaching.com LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ryanwattsmba Subscribe to The Personal Success Podcast for a new conversation every Monday.

Steven Ferrara built a small family insurance business in Newark, New Jersey into a large financial services firm and served as CEO for 25 years. He was 49 when his son Christopher died in a car accident at 23. In this conversation he tells I talk with Steven about what that did to a spiritual foundation he had been building since he was a teenager, and what he found on the other side of it. This is not a grief episode dressed up for executives. It is a conversation about identity. Steve spent a career deliberately not getting entangled with his title, and he explains why that turned out to be the thing that let him survive what came next. He talks about the five minutes he took behind a closed door between back-to-back meetings, about the coach who told a room of high performers they did not need more work ethic, and about the day his teenage daughter asked him why everyone at his office respected him. If your title is currently holding you together, this hour is worth your time before something proves it cannot. YOU WILL LEARN - Why Steven stopped asking "why" after his son died, and what replaced it - The specific practice his executive coach named as more valuable than work ethic or motivation - How not identifying with your title changes what you can survive - What transcendental meditation actually does, and why Steve says guided meditation is easier - How to let sadness pass through without turning it into a story you live in - Why slowing your voice down in a leadership meeting makes people listen harder CHAPTERS 00:00 Who Steven Ferrara is beneath the titles 03:40 Learning transcendental meditation as a teenager 07:06 What "transcendental" actually means 11:21 The five minutes he took between meetings 13:24 High quality free time, and why leaders skip it 15:16 Building a financial firm from cold calls 19:51 Why he never got caught up in being CEO 21:52 His daughter's question about respect 23:38 The morning after Christopher died 26:04 Giving up the question "why" 28:24 From what could have been to what can be 31:54 Ryan on losing his closest friend 32:19 Thinking about loss versus experiencing it 34:40 Finding gratitude without agreeing with the loss 37:03 The journal entry that changed everything 39:00 What an ongoing relationship really means 41:48 Who "Grief to Gratitude" is for 44:38 A Course in Miracles, Eckhart Tolle, Michael Singer 51:03 The bridge for leaders who have not faced loss 55:42 Why slowing down makes people listen 57:02 Reframing sadness as another form of love 1:01:49 What peace looks like now 1:05:14 A new paradigm for death, and therefore life 1:06:57 Where to find Steven and the book ABOUT STEVEN FERRARA Steven Ferrara expanded a small family insurance business founded in his hometown of Newark, New Jersey into a large financial services firm, serving as CEO for 25 years before selling the company in 2020. For two decades he taught universal and spiritual principles for the Concept-Therapy Institute alongside his father and sister. His work has been shaped by A Course in Miracles and the teachings of Eckhart Tolle, David Hawkins, and Michael Singer. After the death of his 23-year-old son, Christopher, and later his wife, Alie, he turned two decades of daily journals into "Grief to Gratitude: Embracing the Inner Pathway to Healing and Peace," published by Amplify Publishing Group and endorsed by Jack Canfield. STEVEN'S LINKS Website: https://www.stevenferrara.com Book on Amazon: https://amzn.to/4oTDtDJ Book at Barnes & Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/grief-to-gratitude-steven-a-ferrara/1148376266?ean=9798891388116 Book at Bookshop.org: https://bookshop.org/p/books/grief-to-gratitude-embracing-the-inner-pathway-to-healing-and-peace-steven-a-ferrara/14aa1bc309656c55?ean=9798891388116 Substack: https://stevenferrara.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/stevenferraraauthor Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/stevenferraraauthor YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@stevenferraraauthor RYAN'S LINKS Ryan Watts Coaching: https://www.ryanwattscoaching.com The Personal Success Podcast: https://www.ryanwattscoaching.com/thepersonalsuccesspodcast LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ryanwattsmba If this conversation landed, subscribe to The Personal Success Podcast. New conversations every week with people who have walked through change and found a deeper way forward.

Complacency rarely looks like laziness. It looks like a full calendar. I sit down with Marty Hofmann, author of Kill Complacency and host of the podcast by the same name, for a conversation that starts with a confession. Their first attempt at this recording was unusable, and Ryan pushed through the entire thing anyway rather than call it. What he found underneath that is the spine of the episode: he cares about quality, and what he was actually protecting was the schedule. Marty has built his work around the idea that drift is the real threat, not failure. He argues that complacency is a self honesty problem before it is a discipline problem, because discipline has nothing to stand on until you have named what is actually happening. From there they get into the self audit most people skip, why your environment will outlast your willpower, how to tell rest from drift when you genuinely cannot tell, and what it takes to stop doing the work yourself and start designing it. Marty also tells the story of the marathon he finished on two blistered feet with leaves stuffed in his socks, and what his wife Ginger said when he called to quit. IN THIS EPISODE 00:00 Two takes, and the value of sounding human 03:34 The recording that did not work 06:38 Choosing the calendar over the quality 08:59 Killing complacency: Marty's mission 09:56 Content versus whole 11:20 The self audit most people avoid 13:25 Friction as resistance training 14:50 Rest or drift: the three seasons 18:39 Did success cause it or fund it 20:45 Why relationships turn into a mirror 23:47 The dip, and what is on the other side 28:42 Push through or start over: the blister story 33:59 Discipline problem or self honesty problem 35:22 Why leaders know the thing and still don't move 37:52 The Seven F's and where to start 42:00 When fitness and family collide 43:16 Does killing complacency ever stop 44:49 Drive versus self punishment 52:07 Love styles, and how you were comforted as a kid 55:32 Do ultras prove something or quiet something 59:13 What is running on autopilot 1:01:26 Be the engineer, not the DIY guy 1:04:56 The $5,000 duplex 1:06:53 What faith is doing in the framework 1:09:08 What he would change about the book 1:10:36 The final message ABOUT MARTY HOFMANN Marty Hofmann is an entrepreneur, real estate investor, ultrarunner, and the author of Kill Complacency: Stop Drifting and Start Living the Life God Designed for You. He hosts the Kill Complacency podcast, founded OKC REIA, and lives in Oklahoma with his wife Ginger and their six children. Book: https://a.co/d/03qmQ1x8 Website: killcomplacency.com MENTIONED Willpower Doesn't Work by Benjamin Hardy Atomic Habits The Dip How We Love by Milan and Kay Yerkovich ABOUT THE SHOW The Personal Success Podcast is hosted by Ryan Watts of Ryan Watts Coaching, where he works with senior leaders on removing internal negotiation and leading with clarity. https://ryanwattscoaching.com https://linkedin.com/in/ryanwattsmba CONTENT NOTE At 1:06:53 Marty shares that he was suicidal at sixteen. If you are struggling, you can call or text 988 in the US to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.

Most people never ask whether the goal belongs to them. Andrea Mancuso is a licensed mental health counselor, an ICF-certified coach, and a former New York City public school psychologist who spent 14 years in the system before founding Intentional Healing & Wellness. Her book, The Space Between: Navigating the Journey from Dream to Success, is about the part of the journey nobody documents: everything that happens after you decide and before you arrive. In this conversation she names something that catches a lot of high achievers off guard. When a client brings her a goal and they start taking it apart, the goal often turns out to belong to someone else. It was suggested. It was gifted. And that is usually why finishing it produces so little. Ryan tests it against his own twenty years of completing a checklist he never chose. They also get into why change is so hard even when it clearly helps, why flexibility is an emotional intelligence skill and not a personality trait, why healing tends to happen in community rather than alone, and Andrea's answer to the question most ambitious people are quietly afraid of: does doing the inner work slow you down? Her answer is no. It makes you travel lighter. What you'll take from this episode: A test for whether a goal is yours or inherited, and why goal precision comes first Why the life you already know exerts more pull than the life you want What healing work actually looks like when you strip away the mysticism Why failure is more usefully read as a reroute than a verdict How to leave room in a plan for the outcome you could not have predicted Chapters (00:00) Introduction (00:15) Who Andrea Mancuso is and what Intentional Healing & Wellness does (01:53) The father who taught her emotional intelligence in 1980s Brooklyn (04:10) What 14 years as a school psychologist taught her about change (06:35) What people underestimate: the pull of the life you already know (10:13) Flexibility as an emotional intelligence skill (14:03) When you cannot change what is out there, go inward (17:57) How The Space Between started as an event, in the shower (20:38) Failure as a reroute, not a verdict (24:52) The arrival fallacy and becoming the person first (27:14) Patience and the undeniable process (30:39) The goal that was never yours (35:26) Ryan finishes the checklist and finds nothing there (36:58) Why one-size-fits-all leadership advice misses the person (40:46) Why healing happens in community (44:14) Wired for connection (48:45) Leaving space on purpose so something unplanned can happen (51:11) Spaciousness and force in the same day (56:18) Presence, and what is relevant right now (59:23) Gabor Maté and healing as a direction, not a destination (1:02:17) Does healing slow your ambition? (1:08:07) Where the sense of insufficiency comes from (1:11:46) The legacy Andrea wants for the book (1:16:01) Where to find Andrea Mentioned in this episode The Space Between: Navigating the Journey from Dream to Success by Andrea Mancuso (Mascot Books) The Myth of Normal by Dr. Gabor Maté Bronnie Ware's work on the regrets of the dying, which Andrea recounts in the episode Jay Shetty's story about reciting scripture as a monk, told in Andrea's own words Connect with Andrea Mancuso Website: https://www.iamandreamancuso.com The book: https://www.iamandreamancuso.com/book Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Space-Between-Navigating-Journey-Success/dp/1637555008/ Bookshop.org: https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-space-between-navigating-the-journey-from-dream-to-success-andrea-mancuso/a377783b675889d5 Barnes & Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-space-between-andrea-mancuso/1149729657 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/iamandreamancuso/ Instagram: @iamandreamancuso Andrea asked listeners to reach out. If something in this conversation lands, send her a DM and tell her you heard it here. The Personal Success Podcast New episodes weekly. Follow so the next one finds you. Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-personal-success-podcast-with-ryan-watts/id1699785392 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0poXmaxpjA6ViNDy1KOh9c Show page: https://www.ryanwattslifecoaching.com/podcasts/the-personal-success-podcast-with-ryan-watts